The Gift of Memories
by Chantale23
Summary: I've wanted to write a love story about Janeway and Chakotay for quite a while. Moreover, I didn't like how New Earth hardly came up and how Chakotay's beliefs and rituals were like accessories, used when needed to fill up episode time. I'm writing what I would have like to see. Set right before Chakotay started dating Seven. Most chapters are K rated but be warned some will be M.
1. Chapter 1

The Gift of Memories

Reviews are much appreciated. Don't be shy and tell me if you enjoyed it or why you didn't.

**Chapter 1**

It was obvious! The universe was out to make Kathryn Janeway lose her proverbial Federation cool. It all started in the mess hall, involving an ensign and a breakfast tray. She had felt the clumpy green type of porridge, Neelix was serving that day, slide inside the collar of her uniform. Not exactly the best feeling first thing in the morning.

The poor ensign had looked at her, anguish all over his face, apologizing at profusion. The silence in the mess hall was deafening. Putting her hand up, Kathryn had stopped the ensign's stuttering and without a word had gone back to her quarter for a quick shower and a replicated new uniform. No ice cream or indulgence of any type for a while, she just had enough rations left for coffee.

Remembering the green blob she had worn and washed, she decided to go directly to the bridge, she didn't have time left for breakfast anyway… only 17 minutes before Alpha Shift.

*No… the universe is not out to get me" she thought again "it's just playing naughty" She smiled to herself thinking this might be an opportunity to have coffee with Chakotay in her ready room. She just realized that it had been over a week since they had a meal together. For that matter, she couldn't recall a single friendly conversation with him during the last week or so.

She felt better at the prospect of spending some time with her closest friend. He always had that effect on her. The turbolift halted announcing the bridge and the door opened. Tuvok was sitting in her chair and Chakotay was nowhere to be seen.

"Good Morning Mr. Tuvok, Status"

"Good morning Captain. The report from Beta shift is on your desk."

The hissing sound of the Turbolift door distracted her. Chakotay came on the bridge. He was having a bad hair day and dark circles under his eyes told her that he hadn't got much sleep the night before.

"Good Morning Commander" she said amicably, forgetting her trouble and added softly for his ear only. "Bad night?"

Without a hint of enthusiasm Chakotay mumbled. "Good Morning Captain" He sat at his chair and started working at his console.

Kathryn was surprised. He was never short with her, with the crew on a few occasion maybe, but with her he would always find it in himself to smile and be friendly to her. With a sigh, Kathryn sat down. He was all business, face closed, obviously didn't want to talk to her, or anyone for that matter. She wasn't going to even to get a smile out of him. *Forget friendly coffee*.

By lunchtime, Kathryn had a splitting headache. Nothing much was happening in that part of space or on Voyager for that matter. The bridge crew was efficient and as professional as usual, but the spark was missing. Tom had not cracked a joke all morning, and Chakotay had retreated to his office, going over reports, arbitrating trifling arguments between crewmembers, and filing requests for personnel from every department on the ship. By the time he came back to the bridge his mood was even more sombre, his body language screamed "don't mess with me".

Mid-afternoon came and went and Kathryn couldn't stand it anymore, getting up from her chair; she started walking towards her ready room.

"Commander, would you please join me in my ready room."

Reaching the door she turned around to see him lift his eyes as to address the Spirits.

*Oh, oh! This is going to be touchy…* she thought to herself.

Upon entering, she sat behind her desk, him on the other side.

"Yes… Captain, do…"

"Chakotay, would…"

They started at the same time. Smiling at him, she started again.

"Chakotay, you really don't look like yourself, would you like to be relieved of duty. You look like you could use some rest."

"Playing Commander, Captain. I'm usually the one saying these words… to you. I'll give you a Captain's answer then, I'm fine." He pointed out, a hint of a smile on his lips… a painful one."

Her smile was genuine. "Turnabout is only fair Commander. No really Chakotay, why don't you go back to your quarters and get some rest."

Rubbing a hand over his tired face he added. "If you don't mind, I'd prefer to finish my shift. I can rest this evening."

Kathryn got up and walked around her desk, half sitting on the edge of it, a few inches from him. He shifted in his chair, adding to the distance between them. She lost her smile.

"What is it Chakotay? Would you like to talk about it now… or maybe we could have diner together…"

"No really Captain, nothing wrong, and if you don't mind I will pass on diner, as I said I'll go to bed early tonight." He hadn't used her name like he would when they were alone and addressing more personal issues. When they were just friends…

"Really Chakotay. I'd like to help if you tell me what's wrong."

Chakotay looked at her, she saw anger starting to show in his eyes and then it was gone, replace by an almost serene sadness. What was wrong with him?

"Really Captain, nothing is wrong. I haven't slept well for the last few days. A good night sleep and I'll be fine by morning."

Kathryn searched his eyes. He was avoiding hers. She needed to know, needed to be there for him. It was a perfectly normal feeling after the many times he had been there for her.

"Would you like to talk about what's keeping you from sleeping",

"Not really..." One look at her and he knew he had to give her something or she wouldn't leave him alone. "Let's just say it has to do with facing things I don't want to face, but having no choices in facing them."

She let out a humourless laugh. "If you have to resort to parables, it must be that you really don't want to talk about it with me… have you considered talking to someone else." It hurt her to say these words. She wanted to be the one he would turn to, as his closest friend she expected it.

He straightened his shoulder and looking at the wall added in a firm voice. "There's nothing to talk about, Captain. Really. I'll be fine."

She surrendered. Being there for him also meant not forcing him when he obviously didn't want to open up to her. She'd have to be patient.

She decided on a change of tactic. "I won't push the issue Commander; I hope you will feel better soon. In the meantime, anything you want to discuss… the incessant demands of our crew, for example". She added in a smile.

His expression softened a bit. "Nothing I can't take care of… requests for different quarters, personality conflicts, the usual everyday part of the job."

"And being the unofficial counsellor of the ship doesn't help either" Kathryn said putting a hand on his arm.

He quickly pulled his arm away as if his skin burned. She straightened up and went back behind the desk. Obviously, he had hurt her feelings. He got no satisfaction from hurting her but knew he couldn't stand her touching him… he wasn't being fair, but he didn't feel like being fair. After all she was the source of his problem, even if she wasn't aware she was.

The following day, the Commander was in a better mood, at least he was acting the part. The smile he had attached to his face could not hide the fatigue and was as fake as Q's humility. They were in her ready room; they had just finished addressing ship's business, when she tried to reach to him a second time, but only to get the same answer. Everything was fine he told her.

"Again Chakotay, I won't force you to talk about what troubles you… I feel like I would have to use a phaser to open that metaphoric can you keep the lid so tight on." She said with a laugh in her voice, hoping to help his mood with humour.

"Is that a threat Captain" His voice cold and uncooperative.

She looked at him, a genuine affection in her eyes. "No Chakotay… I'm just worried about you. Call it a friendly concern and as a friend I want to ease things for you… that is if you can remember that we are friends."

She saw this jaw tightening even more, accentuating the harsh lines on the corner of his mouth, he stood up and looking at the wall he asked. "I've completed my reports Captain… can I be dismissed".

He knew he was being childish. He could also see the hurt and disappointment on her face. He just couldn't talk to her... he couldn't tell her…

She snapped back. "Very well Commander, dismissed".

The next few days, Kathryn had a hard time keeping from interfering. Patience was an over rated virtue in her book. She hated waiting. Really, really, hated it. She looked at him go through the motions of is daily work. His attitude with the crew, with her… he was acting at being ok, but he wasn't fooling her one bit, she was the one who invented acting Ok.

_What was the matter with him… why wasn't he opening up to her? What could be so wrong that he couldn't talk to her about it?_

She left him alone for over a week, but enough was enough. One night, after he had refused her invitation… once more… she tracked him down to his quarters. When she came in, he was sitting on the floor his medicine bundle opened in front of him.

"Am I interrupting your vision quest Chakotay?"

"Don't worry Captain. I don't see the point anymore… I don't know why I insist on trying." And looking as if he had been caught with a slip of the tongue he continued.

"How may I help you, Captain."

So far instinct had told her something was wrong, this new information only confirmed what she thought. She couldn't remember Chakotay not being able to go on a vision quest.

"It's Kathryn, we're off duty Chakotay. I'm looking into my friend. If you don't mind then, I'll sit down with you and we could chat a bit…"

Without waiting she sat down on the floor right in front of him.

"You've told me over a week ago that everything was fine, but obviously you're lying to me…'' She lowered her eyes, rubbing her hands together; this was not easy for her to say.

''There can be only two reasons for that… either it's embarrassing and we've share embarrassment before… or'' she hesitated for a second ''I'm the source of what's troubling you."

As soon as the words were out, he stood up and started pacing…

"Really Captain, what on earth are you imagining…"

She interrupted him, having seen the answer on his face.

"That's it Chakotay… it's me… just tell me what I did and I'll fix it… I promise…" She felt troubled at the idea that she had done something wrong by him.

"Really Captain, are you so full of yourself to think you could be the only reason I could be troubled…" Realizing his slip, he quickly added: "that is if I was troubled which I'm not."

She lowered her head to hide the pain she felt at his word.

"No need to be hurtful Commander."

"If that's what it takes for you to leave me alone, then…"

She stood up saying… "Dammit Chakotay, what's wrong, what did I do…" She was in his face waiting for an answer.

That was more than he could deal with and started yelling at her…

"Just leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you or anyone else. I'm doing my job, you can't complain about my performance as your XO, which, as far as I'm concerned, is the only part of me you concern yourself with. As for my PERSONAL wellbeing, I just want to be left alone. Everybody else seems to understand that, but you Captain. Just you leave me the hell alone." He screamed at her before turning around and storming out of his quarters.

To say she was shocked by the outburst was an understatement. He had never yelled at her and she was even more confused because he didn't look angry at all, he looked defeated somehow.

It had to stop now. She was tired of tiptoeing around him.

_This conversation is not over, buster_, she thought to herself. _I'm going to get to the bottom of what's eating you, whether you like it or not_.

She was standing in the living area of his quarters. Funny that he stormed out of HIS quarters… probably habits. They met in her quarters or her ready room most of the time.

She looked around his quarters, her desire to find an answer stronger than her sense of discretion. The sand paintings, his rock collection, above the bed, his medicine wheel, everything seemed to be the same and in place. She moved to his bathroom, everything was tidy. She spotted a bottle of aftershave on a shelf under the mirror and couldn't keep herself from opening it. The smell reminded her how she missed him.

A bathrobe on a hook just outside the shower… his scent again. She wrapped her face in the robe. She missed his smile and his voice. Her eyes open wide. She had just realized what had been missing for the last few days… she missed his love, his tenderness. She was certain she was his problem.

_But why, why now… Think Kathryn… Think_.


	2. Chapter 2

**In chapter 1 Katherine is trying to figure what's wrong with Chakotay.**

**Hope you enjoy. Reviews are needed to encourage and motivate. They also make for better writing and ultimate joy.**

**Chapter 2**

Chakotay was hurting, because of her and she didn't know what to do. She must have done something wrong… but what. She tried to remember every moments they had together in the last few weeks and nothing… she had done nothing out of the ordinary. It must have been something she had forgotten to do. That was the next logical explanation. It wasn't his birthday or hers… it wasn't the date on which they first met… it was just another… Then it hit her like. God! How could she have forgotten?

She moved back to his bedroom, needing to move around, forgetting she still held his bathrobe.

There it was… It had to be it. 9 days ago it had been three years since they had been stranded on New Earth. She didn't see what else it could be. But again she didn't understand his reaction. The first year anniversary they had just mentioned it over coffee, just a passing remark. Same on last year's anniversary date… he had mentioned it over breakfast in her ready room. Now that she reflected on it, there was a longing in his eyes, sadness… something she had not been able to put a word on at the time, but now…

_He's giving up. He's losing hope, that's what's wrong with him._ He was hoping for something last years that he had not received, hoped again this year and she had not even acknowledge the anniversary. He had counted on her to remember this year as he had for two years before and she had forgotten.

She was sitting on his bed, hugging his robe in her arms.

_There has to be something else, it's not like him to overreact. After all we're only friends and…_

She stopped at that thought.

_Come on Kathryn. Don't lie to yourself. You're much more then friends and you know it perfectly well. He loves you. He said that much on New Earth, but more important, you love him too. You know you do. For God sakes, you're sitting on the man's bed embracing his robe… how more pathetically in love can you be_.

Not knowing at first, she had realized on New Earth that she had been in love with him from the moment they were stranded in the Delta Quadrant. The first minute she met him; her instinct had told her this man wasn't a murderer or a terrorist. Then she had made him her first officer and discovered the man behind the Maquis.

_What a beautiful being he is, his integrity, his kindness, the strength of his character…_ Yes, she loved him.

And New-Earth. She hadn't forgotten this anniversary… He thought so… but he didn't know that almost every night, waiting for sleep, she would relived the wonderful weeks they had been stranded together, replaying every scene, every detail of his smile, his face… his eyes. She would let the flow of memories go through her and wait for the pain of her loneliness and the weight of the sacrifice she had to make.

Part of her was happy when they got stranded. She would have never admitted her feelings for him, had it not been for their circumstances and the freedom it gave her. On New Earth, she had admitted to herself that she loved him and had been close to sharing her admission with him. When she had heard Tuvok's voice, for a second, something in her had gone… _No… please no… please leave us alone here, forget about us. No… not now!_

New Earth was where he had shared HIS admission. She was his woman warrior. After their rescue, she would often tap on the feeling of his hand on her neck when he had massaged it. She would recall every gesture, every nuance, the caress on her hair, his breath on her neck. Always her imagination would complete the moment with his lips following his hands.

Kathryn snapped right out of her reverie. What a fool she had been. Could she really believe she could keep him at arms length and never do anything about it without losing him in the process? That was the hope he had lost. The hope of recapturing New Earth. God! It was so clear now. He had lost hope of loving her and being loved by her.

Her mind went blank with the thought…_ I'm losing him!_

A wave panic went over her body something she had never felt before. She was losing him and that thought was terrifying. She had to do something and do it now. But could she…

She sat down on his bed, closing her eyes, her nostril flaring with his smell on the bathrobe she was still holding.

_I love this man, with all my heart. Why do I have to push him away all the time? I've loved him for as long as I can remember, seven years since I first saw his face. He told me… I've known and taken his love for three years now… I've been so selfish. Why is it so hard for me to show I love him? I either lose him or I start giving back a little._ She sprung on her feet.

"Computer, locate Commander Chakotay"

"Commander Chakotay is in Astrometrics."

Throwing the robe on the bed, she went out of his quarters, intent all over her face. By the time she reached Astrometrics, Kathryn had her battle plan all mapped out. After all, wasn't she at her best in action?

"Computer, upon my entering, lock doors to Astrometrics, in or out, my command codes only… Janeway Beta Pi 6" She waited for the computer to acknowledge her request before contacting the bridge.

"Janeway to Kim"

"Kim here. What can I do for you Captain."

"Harry. The Commander and I will be in Astrometrics, not to be interrupted short of a red alert."

"Understood, Captain."

"Janeway out" and she went in.

Chakotay was sitting facing the large screen, ankles crossed, his arms folded on his bended knees, he was gazing at the display, she recognize as his home world, Dorvan V.

"Chakotay…" She said in a decided tone.

He started getting up, but she stopped him.

"Stay where you are Mister. I wished you would have talk to me on your own, but it doesn't seem to be working, so here's how it goes. You're locked in this room with me. You have to talk to me or wait for a red alert to get out of here. I want to settle this Chakotay.

He flipped "Of all the…"

She would not let him interrupt her. "I've been looking at you being miserable for a week and it has to end."

Chakotay tried again. "My work has…" He started walking towards the exit.

Again, she would not let him speak. "I don't care about your work Chakotay. Seeing you like this affects me. I'm worried, troubled, deeply concerned, call it what you want, you're my friend and if my friend is miserable, I want to help in the name of that friendship… "

Chakotay was now to the door, which she knew was locked. She also knew he probably had some Maquis tricks she didn't know about and that he could probably get out. She had to change his mind fast.

"But then I haven't been much of a friend if I forgot our anniversary, have I?"

Chakotay stopped dead in his track, standing there, his back to her, waiting for her to continue.

"9 days ago, it was the 3rd anniversary of our being stranded on New Earth, our anniversary, yours and mine alone… and you think I forgot, totally forgot as if I didn't care.

Chakotay turned around and looked into her eyes and waited for her to go on.

"Chakotay" she said walking up to him "I do care; I care deeply, about you, about New Earth. It is part of me; a part I keep tucked in as something precious, a memory so dear to me, sometimes it makes me cry to imagine what could have been. On New Earth you became my friend, my dearest friend, the best friend I've ever had… some kind of special bond. Don't you see, I've never even considered having a "day we were rescued" anniversary, just a "day we were stranded… "

Her voice was hesitant by now, very soft and throaty. His eyes were riveted on her face. "I didn't forget, but I just couldn't talk about it. I care about New Earth, the time we spent there… and about you. It felt good being there, not having to be in command all the time. I've never admitted to anyone… hardly admitted it to myself… but a part of me didn't want to be rescued, wanted to stay on New Earth… with you."

The surprise on his face spoke volumes… he would have never thought… The confession had been a total surprise even to herself, she could imagine how shock he was by the admission. That wasn't part of the plan. She never figured admitting that much to him. But the words had come out without her really thinking about them. It was as if they couldn't be bottled up anymore. It was surprising… and liberating. For three years, the memory of New Earth had been an intimate part of her, a part she never expected to share.

Chakotay was dumbfounded, "You did…"

She lifted her hand to cradle his cheek in it. She might as well go all the way now that she had almost admitted to him she loved him.

"Yes. It was just too hard for me to celebrate what could have been, what I lost."

Chakotay couldn't hold himself; he took her in his arms and hugged her. "Oh! Kathryn. I thought you didn't care. I thought it was something forgotten."

"And it made you feel miserable." She was stating a fact more then asking a question.

"Yes it did". He said all of a sudden pulling away to avoid her eyes.

"But that's not all. The anniversary was only the catalyst… wasn't it? There's something else."

Chakotay turned his back to her, going for the door again. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Hum… we're getting back to the "I don't want to talk about it" routine."

He turned around, arms crossed in front of him, ready to do battle.

"It's something you lost; I see the emptiness in your eyes. Something you lost because of me and you don't want to talk about it with me or anyone else, because it means talking about your feelings for me… doesn't it."

"Drop it Kathryn. Don't go there; you don't know what you're getting into."

She went to him… "Then tell me…" she said putting a hand on his arm.

He lowered his eyes to look at her hand and then grabbed her by the shoulders.

"You are right; the fact that you forgot our anniversary was only the catalyst. After all we didn't do anything special for the first and second anniversary. Why the third one."

Letting go of her shoulders, Chakotay rubbed his face with his hand.

"I'm just so tired of all this. I'm going to tell you what's wrong and then you can throw me out the airlock if I haven't done it myself. I'm just so tired… tired of fighting a battle I can never win. I'm tired of not knowing what to do with the way I feel, being pulled out in all and every direction… I'm just so tired…"

He kept silent for a few minutes, pacing the floor in front of her. Then he spoke again.

"Three years ago I told you I loved you, and since then, you've been robbing me of my dignity… I'm your lapdog, hoping you remember I exist."

Full fledge anger was building inside him, she wanted to know, she'd get it right between the eyes.

"I've been waiting for you to acknowledge what I feel… give into it or free me. You've been setting parameters, boundaries I had to live by and never had a word in. I've spent the last three years, looking at you, begging for a touch… a look… happy for the smallest attention you had towards me… Every time I would feel your hand on my arm or my shoulder, it would be the light of my day… and then I'd hate myself for being so happy for so little. I hated myself for giving into you every time. My ego has been taking a beating for 3 years now. You have no idea what 3 years of constant rejection feels like. My self esteem and my self-worth have been obliterated and you don't want to know what it did to my sense of being as a man."

He threw his arms up and then passed a shaking hand through his hair as he starts pacing in front of her.

"Gods… the Vidians could have robbed me of my backbone AND my balls for little use I had of them" his voice was harsh and unforgiving as he went on. "You dominated me by keeping me at arms length…"

He stopped and his eyes found hers.

"You know I love you… you're secure in that feeling and you know that whenever you decide to give into those feelings I'll be there for you. You snap your fingers and I always come running, but every time I do, I hate myself for being so weak, for not being able to resist your call. I have no pride when it comes to you and it hurts Kathryn… it hurts badly. I've pictured you coming to me, admitting your love for me and imagining myself rejecting you to make you feel the hurt you've inflicted on me and every time I know I'm fooling myself because I could never reject you or hurt you. I love you too much for that.

The weight of his anger and the pain she could see in his eyes… from his soul… made her knees buckled under her, instinctively reaching for his arm to steady herself. He looked at her hand adding his own over it.

"At the same time, I've pledge myself to your side and because of that promise I could not consider not being there for you when you need me."

He grabbed her hand and moved it over his heart.

"It beats for you… every single beat of my heart is full of you. I love you. I dream of being with you, making love with you, raising our children with you. And every single beat is a rip in my heart because you refuse it"

Her eyes showed how shocked, distraught, how guilty she felt. He could see the tears gathering in her eyes but it was too late for now, the dam had broken, he couldn't keep it bottled inside him any longer.

"You want to know why I'm miserable; I'll tell you… remember you asked for it." He said pulling her to him, plunging his eyes in hers. "I'm miserable because I… I need to go on with my life and I can't… it would mean giving you up, which is something I cannot do. I can't unlove you, Kathryn, I wish I could… Spirits, I wish I could, but I've tried… and… I just can't."

He had never sounded as defeated to her as he sounded right now. He pulled her to his chest, tugging her head under his chin, looking at the image of his home planet on the screen above.

"I'm miserable because my family will die with me. I won't teach my faith to my son or daughter. Every time I do the rituals I feel it. It's starts and ends with me. I won't be transmitting the beliefs of my people, and do you know why… because I'll never love another woman. I wish with all my heart that I could, but I would be lying to myself. You are my mate, I love you and there's nothing I can do about it, but curl up and accept the solitude my life will be made of."

He took a long breath and went on.

"I'm miserable because we're stuck on a ship where I have to be with you everyday, but I can't have you, I can't love you. I have to keep that love to myself and not let it show… ever. I'm miserable because I love and this love is unrequited."

He ran his hand through her hair, tangling his fingers into her soft strands.

"I'll live my life, cursing you because you didn't want me. I'm miserable in the name of a Starfleet protocol you hide behind. I know it and so do you. But more then all that, more then being humiliated, disillusions… I'm miserable because most of all… sometimes… I've come to hate… loving you."

She could not let him go on… it hurt too much… it hurt her, but more important it hurt him too much… His pain was also hers and she had to stop him… She pushed away from his chest to look him in the eyes.

"Chakotay, you know I love you". To hear those words out loud surprised her as if someone else had said them…

"Yes I know, I've known since New Earth that you love me. We could love each other, know such happiness… but you just won't allow it, you won't allow yourself to love me. You need the limit of your love and mine is boundless. You control your love and mine with it. I have no say in that. You're the master, I'm the slave and I do whatever you dictate."

Kathryn couldn't believe what he was saying. "But you're not, I'm the Captain, but when we are together as friends, we are equals."

He grabbed her shoulders between his hands, leaving the imprints of his fingers on her skin… on her soul. Chakotay laughed harshly, his face showed deep-rooted anger now.

"Yeah… right. When was the last time I kissed you, held you in my arms, slept with you in my arms… NEVER!" He shouted that last word.

"We are not equals, you're still in charge, and you make all the calls. And why is that Kathryn, because you're the Captain, and you decided you could not let yourself lose the control that comes with the job, because protocol doesn't allow it, because you and Starfleet dictated what I could and couldn't have… and yet you won't let me go. As clear as it is that you won't love me, it's also very clear I cannot love anyone else, because that would be betraying you… my love for you. It would mean I didn't really love you, I wasn't worthy because I could move on and love someone else. It would cheapen my feelings for you, the depth of them; and it would make you right for not giving into that love. It's a lose-lose situation and it's all about you, you, YOU"

He felt the satisfaction of telling her but he also knew there was no point to this… nothing would change… nothing would ever change. He would end up at the same point after having his heart ripped out.

All of a sudden his anger had slipped away replace by a deep loathing for himself… for opening up knowing only rejection would follow his confession… again. Spirits… how many times did she have to reject him before he would get it? Chakotay suddenly felt utterly defeated and he surrendered to it.

"I'm lost… I don't know what to do anymore, but I know I can't keep going on like this. I can't unlove you but I will surely die inside from not loving you."

He walked to her, took her hand in his and turned palm up. He removed the command bar on his collar and laid it in her hand, closing her fingers around it.

"This is all you allow me to be. Then so be it. This discussion is over; I've humiliated myself enough for one day and will retire to my quarters, Captain. I don't know what I'm going to do now that you know, but as soon as I figure things out, I'll make sure to tell you, as the obedient first officer that I am."

On that, he turned around, keyed in some codes on the door console. As she had thought, the door opened and he got out.

Kathryn's knees gave up from under her; she slumped on the floor, sobs shaking her body. She had her arms around herself, feeling physical pain from the words he had thrown at her.

She hadn't fooled herself to believe he was happy with their situation. She had taken so much from him and had been too self-centered to notice how little she was giving back … He was right. All along, she had had the power to decide to have him or not, she was in total, absolute control, and Starfleet protocol had nothing to do with it. She had bended the Prime directive too many times to count. No, the barrier wasn't Starfleet.

Chakotay's feeling had scared her… the scope of the emotions he felt and was asking back from her… scared her. She was afraid she couldn't be more then the Captain. What he if didn't love Kathryn, if he turned away from the woman.

He was right; she had emotionally turned him into a eunuch. A proud, decent, wonderful man, she had emasculated him and only SHE could free him.

Tears were running down her face. She had to find a way to fixed it… to repair the damages of the last three years, give him back his dignity… his pride. She wiped her tears and considered her possible actions.

_Think Kathryn, think hard and fast or you'll lose the only man you've ever truly loved._

She loved him with all her being. As much as the Captain in her could not imagine bringing the crew back to earth without the support and quiet presence of her first officer, as Kathryn she could not bare the thought of her life without him. She couldn't throw away protocols but her fear of losing him was stronger now. She also knew that as she would lose his love, she would also lose the friend, the man. He would leave her. Not physically, but she would have to look every day at the shadow of the man he was now… and morn the loss of the man he could have been if she had loved him.

_What if… what if he decided to leave Voyager all together_.

That thought resounded deep in her breaking heart. She had to act, and act now… and she had to give him back his dignity, compensate for the humiliation.

Chakotay was back in his quarters. He was pacing back and forth from the bathroom all the way to the living area, like an animal in a cage. The rage he felt and the feeling of depression were threatening to overwhelm him.

Then he heard her voice.

"Janeway to Commander Chakotay."

He sighed, would she ever leave him alone.

"Chakotay here."

"Commander, could you please open the doors to your quarters."

"Captain, I wish you…."

The door hissed open and she let herself in.

Anger still showed on his face… "Why did you ask if you had no intention to wait for me to let you in?" he snapped.

He noticed the traces of tears on her cheeks, but then looked in her eyes. She looked as if she was taking on the whole Borg collective. She was ready to fight… a fight to the death considering the glare in them.

"Commander, I'll only need but a minute of your time. I have, very seldom, used my authority over you. But this is different. I've got something to show you. You will be in Holodeck 2 in 15 minutes and I'm making it an order, Commander. Whether you like it or not, you will be there, I would prefer it to be of your own free will but make no mistake, if you don't; I'll have you transported there or have a security team accompany you. I'll do what I have to do but you WILL join me in the Holodeck."

Her hands went to her hips in that pose he's so often seen and he knew she was deadly serious…

"Understand this Commander. I gave you a direct order and expect you to comply. You will see what I want to show you, then hear me out and after that, if you want to storm out of the Holodeck and never talk to me again, I will respect your wish and never mentioned this again, I'll even go as far as never talk to you again if that's what you want.

And on those words she turned around and stormed out of his quarters.

_Of all the…_ She meant business and he had no doubt she would have him under arrest if he didn't comply. He didn't care… would not go… would not listen to her.

Sighing deeply, Chakotay then reconsidered. _May as well get it out of the way. She'll leave me alone after that. She'll keep her word, she always does._

He didn't expect anything from this meeting. Just a necessary step in getting her to leave him alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for the great reviews... They motivate me like nothing else could. I appreciate all the criticism or the compliments.**

**In chapter 2, Chakotay is angry at Katherine and she just ordered him to the Holodeck.**

**Chapter 3**

* * *

Chakotay was at the door of the Holodeck. He was dreading the parameters and Starfleet protocol lecture he was going to get from his Captain. But when the door to the Holodeck opened to let him in, he lost any thought his mind was set onto, shocked by what he saw.

*New Earth… *

He could not believe his eyes; every detail had been faithfully reproduced down to the smallest details. It must have taken her months to work on the program. A soft smile spread his lips at seeing the small log cabin in place of the shelter that had been their house for a few months. He jumped a little when he felt something touch his hand. He looked down to see the little monkey, whose paw was pulling on his hand.

"Hello there."

The monkey looked at him and then started walking towards the forest. Chakotay followed him, still surprise by his surrounding, momentarily forgetting the reason he was here.

The creature led him to a little clearing and there she was. Beautiful as ever, sitting on a rock, looking at the river at the foot of a small cliff, the mountains in the horizon; it was just as he remembered it, every details right before his eyes.

She felt his presence and turned around to him. The expression on her face had softened as if she could not be the Captain on New Earth.

"This is what I wanted to show you Chakotay. I didn't forget New Earth. It's been part of me every day since we left it. I've spent hours here, going through every detail of this place, the smell and the colours; it reminded me of you, the time… the very precious time I spent here with you. I've never showed it to anyone. It was mine alone… mine and yours now."

He could hear the constraint in her voice, how moved she was.

"I didn't forget. I cherish every moment we spent here. How could it be otherwise, New Earth was you and your love and our friendship and Kathryn… not the captain, but Kathryn… the woman… and it was where I admitted to myself that I love you. Not being the Captain allowed me that much… it was…"

"Kathryn…" he was so moved by her words that he could only say her name. She looked at him with such love in her eyes and the recognition of the pain she had inflicted to him. She started talking again he could feel the hurt in her voice as she was almost shouting the words to make him understand.

"Don't you know these memories are the most precious I have? Don't you know that? Whenever our situation overwhelmed me and I felt like I was going to fall in a pit of doubts and guilt, I found solace in coming here to work on recreating New Earth, remembering that time with you?"

He suddenly saw her eyes changed totally, as her voice softened.

"Don't you know, I remember, the feel of your hand on my shoulders?"

Kathryn closed her eyes as she was reliving the moment lifting a hand to her shoulder as if to touch his hands, the 3 years old imprint of them.

"I remember your fingers gently digging in my shoulders, the tip of them dancing on my skin. I remember the electrifying excitement I had felt when you first touch me… I felt your love."

She stayed silent for a few seconds, her eyes closed as if she needed the time to put her emotions into words.

"You had to know all that… you knew I ran to bed that night because your gentle touch had troubled me more then any men ever had… making love to me. You reached down inside me and pulled my heart from behind that wall I had built since getting Voyager stranded here. It pulled Kathryn out of the Captain and pushed her in the forefront and I was terrified."

She walked up to him, planting her eyes in his.

"Before New Earth, I had buried Kathryn deep inside me. I was responsible for the crew's return to the Alpha quadrant; there could be nothing else that mattered. I thought Kathryn had gone away…I had been the Captain for so long. I was afraid that if I loved you, nothing else would matter, not Voyager, not the crew… just you."

He saw her shoulders sagged as if they were under an incredible weight.

"I want you to know I've hated myself for my cowardice that night. I wanted to let myself go, just didn't know how too, I was afraid you'd be disappointed by the Captain… that I could never be anything else. It took me a while after New Earth to realize I was wrong, because in the end, Kathryn had never been more present and alive then since the day I saw your face on the screen. Still… I was terrified… I couldn't be Kathryn because of my duties. On Voyager I could only be the Captain and I was afraid I could not be myself with you, make you love Kathryn."

Before she could open her mouth again he was taking her in his arms, crushing her against his chest.

"Tuvok to Janeway"

*Oh! No… not now* she thought. *Not now Tuvok!.*

She slapped her com badge : "Janeway here."

"Captain, unidentified ship coming our way. We've hailed them with no success."

"Thank you Tuvok, go to yellow alert, I'm on my way. Please ask the senior staff to report to the bridge. Janeway out"

She then turned to Chakotay.

"We'll have to postpone our discussion. But I say this before we leave. You were right, I've been selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings and if you give me one last chance, I'll try to redeem myself to deserve your love. I love you Chakotay, more then I can put into words. You are my friend, my love, my soul mate."

She lifted herself on her toes, gave him a fleeting kiss and turned around.

"Computer, end program and open exit door."

He was beside himself. She had told him she loved him, her admission made his brain go blank and his lips spread in a grin. In the end, he snapped out of it somehow. He didn't have any other choice but to follow her to the bridge.

In the turbo life he saw a smile spread on her lips. Was she smiling at the irony of Tuvok's SECOND untimely rescue from New Earth…

"Status Tuvok."

Tuvok moved back to his station, letting the Captain take her chair.

"We are still trying to hail them unsuccessfully."

"Thank you Harry. Please open hailing frequencies."

"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the Federation…."

"Captain, frequency has been closed."

*I hate when they hang up on me* "Try again, Harry."

"Hailing frequencies open Captain."

"This is Kathryn Janeway…"

A screeching sound came over the speakers.

"Harry…"

"Captain, I think they are trying to reply and the universal translator can't make sense of it."

For the next few hours, they were on the bridge trying to figure out a way to communicate with the ship.

The bridge crew had noticed the Captain and Commander's little dance number. Something was going on… something very strange, but something important. Tom and Harry were exchanging looks and messages and getting nowhere. The Captain and Chakotay were tiptoeing around one another as if they were expecting something to happen… waiting for some revelation, emotions flying between them, shyness… hope. They would have to be blind not to see something was wrong with their Command team.

Chakotay was walking around, a dazed look in his eyes and the Captain was sending him shy smile which gave the impression she was in over her head and didn't know how to get out of whatever situation she had put herself into. Totally puzzling, Tuvok thought. He couldn't put a logical explanation to the behaviour of his command team.

In the end, the ship was just a transport between two planets of an early warp civilization and after exchanges of civilities and some information about the road ahead; Voyager and the transport went their separate ways.

Through it all, Kathryn thought of Chakotay, her mind trying to think of a way to give control back to him. She had ordered him to the Holodeck and this was not giving control… not at all.

And it hit her… It was perfect in every way, timing, intent, objectives… perfect to give him back his dignity… She had to make a gesture to heal his pain, a grand gesture, something that was unequivocally telling him that she was not going to make the calls on their relationship anymore and that she was not going to hide any longer.

But then, her plan had also the possibility of her being humiliated and that was not something she considered lightly and he would know that. But she trusted him. He would never hurt her just for the pleasure of hurting her. He loved her. She knew he would appreciate how hard this was going to be for his Captain.

The transport ship was already out of sight and the bridge crew was coming down from yellow alert. She had to do it now, not allow herself the time to chicken out. She had to do it, and do it now.

She walked up in the front part of the bridge, facing everyone, her back to the view screen.

"Could I have your attention for a moment, please, all of you."

All the eyes on the bridge diverted to her. _I have to do this_, she thought. It was the hardest thing for her to do, she was never one to be open about her private life and yet she thought it was very little price to pay to get her best friend, her love back, to atone for what she had done and free herself of the guilt. She kept telling herself. _Things will get better after this… you're doing it because you love him._

"Everyone, you will excuse me if I don't give you details, but I've done something I'm not very proud of and I'd like to make amend for it. Chakotay, in front of these people, I commit myself to correct the wrong I've done you. I'm asking you to please forgive me for the pain I've brought you."

Except for Tuvok, everyone else was gaping at the Captain, her speech surprised to say the least. It wasn't like her to bring personal matter to the bridge. It was so… so out of character…

She walked up to Chakotay, who was still sitting in his chair, she whispered for him only.

"Starting with humiliating myself…"

Chakotay took her hand in his.

"I don't want you to…" He whispered.

"But I do, I have to do this, for you as well as for myself or the pain I've caused you will always be with me" she whispered back. "I want you to see I know I've hurt you and how sorry I am".

Standing again, looking into his eyes, she raised her voice for everyone to hear.

"I, Kathryn Janeway, Captain of the Starship Voyager, am responsible for bringing this crew back home, solely responsible and that won't change. I will bring this ship and this crew back home. I'm sure of it; I feel it in my blood. This crew includes you too, Commander. I am and will be your commanding officer and expect you to act according to your rank. I need you Commander, your support, your inputs, whether you agree with me or not. We are a team and if you can't be there as such I will demote you and name someone else in your place without hesitation.

Everyone took a long breath… that was the Captain for sure, duty and all…

Kathryn went on.

"But, I will say this now, for everyone to hear, as Kathryn, I subordinate my will to yours Chakotay. I will commit my life to you for as long as you want me in it."

Jaws hit the floor; Harry tripped over his feet and Tuvok's eyebrow went on an away mission. Everyone looked as if time was suspended, holding their breath, eyes wide opened, Chakotay included.

"Kathryn…" was all he could mutter.

His brain had stopped functioning, he couldn't think of the words to say. Had he really heard the words or was it his imagination again… was he dreaming? Dream or not, he would take what was given to him. He sprung into life, stood up, grabbed her by the shoulders and brought her to him, crushing her against his chest and kissed her until her toes curled.

She slumped a bit against him, immersing herself in the kiss. God it felt good... better then good… it was like… like…

She felt a definite weakness in her knees. _Oh MY GOD! I'm in so much trouble. He kisses like a dream._ She regained her composure to pull away and face him again. She whispered for him only, her face illuminated by her smile.

"I hope I won't have to, but I'm prepared to make it a general attention if you'd like".

Chakotay smiled at her, eyes full of his love for her and she realized how much she had missed his tender smile.

"No need Kathryn. I'm sure the news will spread fast enough"

They remembered where they were and pull away from one another.

Turning her head, Kathryn directed her next words to Tom. "Mr. Paris, I would suggest you take note for your betting pool, it's time to pay up."

Turning again to face Chakotay, she added.

"You still have to decide if you will forgive me or not. I'll leave the bridge to you, Commander, and will retire to my quarters where I'll be waiting for your decision by the end of this shift…"

As soon as the words left her lips, she felt like a fool… _I can't help myself. What an idiot… I'm giving him orders again…_ She added in a smile… "or whenever you see fit to give me your answer Chakotay."

His eyes still full of surprise, Chakotay felt her arms going around to the back of his neck, standing on her toe she whispered in his ear.

"I need time to get ready for you… you deserve me at my best, my love. Chakotay, tonight… please make love to me."

His body reacted at lightning speed, he felt himself tense, aroused and hopelessly in love. His brain had taken its leave. Before he could think of a reply, she gave him a quick kiss.

"You have the bridge Commander" and she walked out to the turbolift, giving him her brightest smile as the door closed.

Chakotay fell back in his chair, still under the shock of what she had just done. He didn't notice the exchange of looks around the bridge, smiles spreading on every face. The rumour mill would be going at warp 10 tonight.

Chakotay couldn't believe what she had done. In front of everybody on the bridge, she had declare her love for him. What a woman… his woman… she had just given herself to him. The room was spinning, his mind overloading. His wildest dream was becoming reality. Kathryn, his to love, to build a life with. It was too much to grasp in one shot. 7 years of desire, hope, dreams and fantasies just handed to him…

Tuvok's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Would you like to be relieved, Commander."

That brought him back to reality in a flash. Should he… There's was a bit less then one hour to the shift, she had ask him for time and it would also send a message to the crew that their involvement would not change their professional commitment in anyway. He quickly made his decision.

"I'm not incapacitated in any way, do you know of a reason that would justify I'd be relieved of duty, Tuvok?" Chakotay replied with a smile, thinking: _Obviously you thought I was going to follow her to her quarters you dirty old man._

"No Commander, you are correct. Mine was a logical request as you were off duty when you were called to the bridge. "

Logical indeed Chakotay thought, _Nice save._

"The Captain had asked me to finish this shift. But you are right the other member of the senior staff should be relieved. Please call back gamma crew Tuvok. Turning back, he addresses Tom sitting a few feet from him. "In the meantime, Helm boy, about looking at the road before we hit a planet and they revoke your piloting licence… "

"Yes Commander" Tom turned back to the view screen, checking the data on his console while sending B'Elanna a message…

A whooping scream was heard from engineering and rang over the corridors…

"ABOUT TIME!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the wonderful reviews. I'm delighted with every single one of them and they are great motivations to post new chapters.**

**If you think this chapter's writing is better, it's all due to pumpkin314159 who's been teaching me the finer points of English writing. Some of you might not know this, but I'm French and I write in English as a second language. Thanks Pumpkin.**

**Katherine and Chakotay committed to one another. Chakotay is on the bridge and Katherine is getting ready for him.**

**Chapter 4**

Kathryn was dancing around her quarters, making the room look as good as it could. She wanted everything to be perfect for Chakotay. She would have given the stars a little polish if she could have. She felt giddy, like twirling around.

Finally, she was free to love him but more important, to let him love her. Tonight they would make love for the first time and she would know the bliss she'd only fantasized about for five long years. She might have admitted to herself that she loved him only three years ago, but she had wanted him from the day they met.

She snapped out of her daydreaming.

_He's going to be here soon and I still have to get ready… Better hurry._

* * *

As soon as the chronometer indicated the end of the gamma shift, Chakotay bolted from his chair and addressing Harry who was senior officer on the beta shift...

"Harry, you have the bridge. I'll be… euh… the captain and I will be… Harry, red alert only."

_Let them have fun with that statement._

"Thank you Commander and I hope…"

Chakotay didn't hear the rest of Harry's sentence as it was cut short when the turbolift doors closed. He stopped by his quarters to jump in the shower, change, grabbed the small box from his nightstand and walked next door.

He almost ran to Kathryn's quarters, not even noticing the unusual number of crewmembers walking by the corridor and rang her door. She was in front of him almost before his finger release the ring button.

His brain moved south of his body as soon as he saw her. Obviously she had her mind set on seduction and made no secret of it.

She wore a dark blue skirt that fell a bit above her knee and hugged her hips tightly. She wore a white shirt, no sleeves, just fabric going around her neck, bearing shoulders and arms… very enticing. It was lined in the front with small buttons from her waist up to a beguiling cleavage. She was breathtaking.

Obviously satisfied with the effect she had on him; she pulled him inside the room and let the door closed behind them. Taking his head between her hands, pressing her body against his, she gave him a slow and tender kiss. Lips against lips, getting acquainted, rubbing, pulling, pushing, and just indulging in the texture of their lips together. A wonderfully magical kiss… their first kiss.

They pulled away gasping for air. Chakotay saw stars in her eyes and at that moment, he knew he would follow her to the end of the quadrant and then onto the one. He found his soft landing, his harbour and his home in her.

She turned around and walked towards the dinning table. She heard laughter in his voice when he said: "You never wore that little number for diplomatic reception did you?"

"Why… you don't like?" She replies giggling, giving him a bewitching look over her shoulder.

There was nothing not to like on that shirt. Now he understood the front, there was no back to it. It was cut down to a piece of fabric circling her waist and another one going around her neck, not enough to hide the swell of her breasts that hinted from her sides while he was looking at her bare back. She was incredibly feminine, desirable. He was hot and bothered from the onslaught of desire going through his body. He reminded himself of his ultimate goal to keep from ravishing the beautiful body she was teasing him with.

He went to her, brushed his hand against her skin, letting it graze the extent of her back as it went down… softly, caressingly. He felt her quiver under his touch. He knew she would be responsive; it was to be expected after five years of foreplay. The thought made him laugh softly.

She looked at him. "What's funny…"

"Not much love, I just realized that five years of foreplay are about to end…"

The thought made her smile go away. "I'm so sorry Chakotay, you have every right to be angry for what I did to you the last three years. I hurt you so much and I will devote myself to…"

Chakotay felt uneasy with the change of mood. He didn't want her to feel guilty or liable to him. "Let's not talk about it Kathryn, let's put it behind us… I don't want your guilt between us. Let's agree that there is no pain left… no hurt to talk of. Luckily for me, you came to your senses" he added with a smile. "I should say there is pleasure in the waiting, the anticipation and the fantasizing, I want you like I've never wanted anyone or anything in my life.

"If you prefer to wait longer…" She was being mischievous.

His roar answered her. "Don't even think about it. As I said… foreplay is about to end. I want you in my life, my arms and my bed. Tonight and every night for the rest of our lives."

She lifted her arms to circle his neck and her sparkling eyes into his, she added. "I love you Chakotay. I want you to know that I love you with everything in me, and that I always will.

"Kathryn, my beloved." He kissed her, pulling her to him and crushing her breasts against his chest. She delighted in the feel of his arousal. His body held such promises, such treasures of unknown joys and discoveries, and she wanted it all, all of him.

He broke the kiss and taking her hand in his, he spoke softly.

"Earlier, in front of the senior staff… and Tom, no less… you pledge to subordinate your will to mine, that you would do as I wanted. You should have known better, my love. I might be going faster than you expected and I don't care. I'm not waiting anymore; I'm not being careful and considerate. I want…"

He puts one knee down and keeping her hand in his, he said his eyes meeting hers.

"Kathryn, will you marry me… be my wife…."

Her jaw dropped in total shock. Mouth gapping, eyes wide open, she tried to form sentences, words. Nope… her voice and her brain were gone. Everything was going so fast. This was so soon… and it hit her…

_He WANTS to marry ME. I'm going to be HIS wife… Wow… Oh… Oh… He's going to be MY husband. The man I love more than life itself wants to be with me forever… _

He was standing again, waiting for her answer, a large smile on his face. Flinging her arms around his neck, her eyes looking into his, with all the love that her body and soul could shelter, she nodded her consent, as she didn't trust her voice.

Lifting her in his arms, Chakotay took her lips in a long, passionate kiss. His tongue duelling with hers, exploring the warmth of her mouth… being aroused by her moans answering to his own.

Her heart soared with the caress of his lips on hers, feeling his hands on her back, caressing the skin, arousal building.

He let her slide along his body back on her feet. His hand going to his pocket; he pulled out a small box, took her hand in his and slipped a ring on her finger.

Her eyes left his to look down on her hand. It was the most remarkable stone she has ever seen, of a dark rich blue, midnight blue… and light coming from within the stone to add shades to the solid colour… such a strange stone. It was amazing, all the hues of blue changing as if the stone was alive.

"Oh Chakotay… it's beautiful… amazing…"

He brushed his hand against her face, his eyes shining with tenderness and love. "It's from New Earth…"

Her head snapped, away from the enthralling stone, to look into his eyes…

"How… When… "

"I found it, hidden in a crevice, while I was exploring a little after our first month there. It was crude and raw, in fact so unexceptional, I left it there for a time." He paused looking in her eyes. "I went back and got it. At first I just thought it might be a nice addition to my rock collection but later it became much more, it became a piece of New Earth, where I gave you my love, where I started to believe, really believe, that it might be returned one day."

Still holding her hand he placed a whispering kiss on her fingers. "On New Earth I learned more about Kathryn, about the woman within the captain. On board, I fell in love with the captain… your dedication, your loyalty, your love for your crew, the incredible strength of your character… how could I not fall in love with such a beautiful being… set into a body unrivalled in any quadrant." He added with a devilish smile. "I've fantasized about your sexy naked body against mine, so many erotic dreams… all of you and me."

He couldn't help himself and because he could, he kissed her, a soul searching, devouring kiss that made her weak at the knee. They pulled away from the kiss a moment later. Chakotay's voice was hoarse when he spoke again.

"On Voyager, I only had brief flashes of the woman. But on New Earth, she was there all the time; I fell in love with you all over again, the captain, the woman and a hint of the child in you. I also got to truly realize the depth of femininity in you. You are such a woman. It amazes me. You're no nonsense, though as nails, 'be somewhere else if you value your life' type of captain and yet no one would ever think of you as masculine. You are woman to the last beautiful hair on your head. Your lovely face bewitching every male unfortunate enough to cross your path."

"You only see these things because you love me. I don't believe most men would love the captain… or the woman for that matter." Katherine said sincerely.

_Isn't she aware how beautiful she is, how complex. _

He looked into her eyes. "Believe me, sometimes I wished you weren't all these things… it would have been easier." He drops a gentle kiss on her lips. "It was a hard realization for me, I wanted both of you, couldn't live with one or the other, I fell in love with both. I couldn't hold it back anymore; I had to tell you how much I loved you even if it was disguised in some hypothetical legend. I was yours, body and soul; you took my heart and made it your own. There is no reference for what I feel for you, there are no ways, no words, no boundaries… it cannot be encompass within our universe. "

He grazed her lips with his, his tongue learning the shape of her lips and looking into her eyes… there it was, all the love she had for him, shining and free. He peppered small kisses on her eyes, her cheeks and the slender column of her throat. He kissed and caressed her body until she was awash with desire, her body leaning into his, trying to quell the flame of desire within her.

He pulled a little from her, his hand taking her hand in his, looking at her ring "As time passed, I started to imagine the stone as a solitaire… as an engagement ring… for you… only you."

He hugged her gently pushing her head down so that his chin rested on top of it. "About a year ago… I had some free time and I decided to do something with it. I went to the holodeck and consulted with a master jeweller. We work at it together, analysing, testing the stone. I found out this stone was as hard and durable as diamonds... that it would last forever… That did it for me. It confirmed that I was going to ask you to marry me… I took it as a sign. I told the jeweller where the stone came from and how important it was to me, that I wanted it to be a ring like no other, for a woman like no other."

Looking deeply into her eyes he added.

"I needed that stone… it was a way to express my love for you. All that I felt for you, all the love in my heart went into this ring."

The tears in her eyes were freely running down her face, as if she was unaware of them. Gently putting his hand around her face, he gave her a long kiss filled with tenderness, gentleness and… reverence. After a while he continued his story.

"I was amazed at the beauty that was hidden in that rough piece of rock. It reminded me of you, of all the facets of your being, the softness and gentleness hidden under an incredibly appealing and commanding exterior. I love the protectiveness you bring out of me being so small and feminine and how proud I am when you use your captain's voice combined with the death glare to cut someone twice your size into pieces. All shades of blue, all shades of you"

He smiled at her. She could not imagine such a gentle man, a loving, incredibly romantic, amazing man. She brushed her hand against his cheek, saying.

"But you thought I forgot our anniversary, that all that work and the ring… were in vain". She had been so close to losing him.

He blushed embarrassed that his feelings were so obvious.

"I should have trusted faith. It was… is… our faith to be together Kathryn. I like to believe it was the reason we were stranded in the Delta quadrant, otherwise there is very little chance we would have ever met."

His eyes went back to the stone. "What pulled me to the stone was the colour… It is the closest I've ever seen to the colour of your eyes. I knew that even if we were not together; it would always bring me back to New Earth and you…"

She closed her eyes for the feelings were overwhelming her. She heard his voice whisper… "I dreamed of giving you this ring Kathryn and today you're giving me this dream… and all my dreams. "Thank you Kathryn for being my love… my life."

She still felt so guilty about the pain she brought him, his thanks being so out of place. "Chakotay… don't… it's not…" She gulped a few times and tried to put some kind of order to her thoughts. "It is me who needs to thank you for giving me a dream I could not even imagine."

She smiled at him. "I've dreamed of man who would love the way I am… the kind of man that would complete me, secure me… but… I thought no such man existed. Big, strong, someone I could let go with, trust his ability to catch me if I fell and yet who would allow me to guide him, someone I could protect and nurture and I would feel protected with. I fell in love with your softness, your spirituality, the gentleness of your soul. You calm me, you centre me. The woman you talk about only exists because she has you."

She was looking for words again. Chakotay gave her a tender smile and putting his hand on her shoulder, he slowly took her to the couch where they sat down.

"Chakotay… I wasn't prepared for the scope of your love… of my love for you. I think that's what scared me all these years, the reason I pushed you away… but could not let you go…"

He kissed the palm of the hand he was holding in his as Kathryn's eyes touched his soul and her words, his heart.

She went on. "I loved Mark… but… he was not my dream. I thought it was the closest I could get to it… so I settled, and I only became aware of it when I met you. I felt the attraction the first second I saw your face on the view screen and it was like nothing I've ever felt. I thank God when you became my first officer, for very selfish and not very captain like reasons. I wanted you close for me, for Kathryn, for the woman in me. But it was physical. You have a very arousing body, my love… incredibly sexy." She added in a flirting smile. Her hand roamed over his chest. She settled herself on his lap astride his thighs, before she started speaking again.

"My feelings for you grew but we were stranded here. I vowed to take the crew back home. I made myself believe that loving you would take me away from that goal. My adherence to protocol was justified by the guilt, which sometimes was eating at me for destroying the caretaker's array. I was also deadly afraid I could not be myself with you as you only knew the captain. What if you could not love Kathryn and her weaknesses? Every time I quoted Federation's protocol, I hid behind my fears and my guilt."

She touched his face, her eyes taking a dreamy quality as she continued.

"Then we were stranded on New Earth. You'll never know how I've cherished that time we had together and I always will. New Earth will always be, in my heart, the place you gave me yours. What I believe was just physical attraction, bloomed on New Earth. I loved you, loved being with you; working with you. I discovered what a wonderful man you are and how much you love me… and I was scared like I've never been in my life. I was scared… of my dreams, of what I thought impossible, too grand to exist… and yet… It was nothing compare to what you were showing me."

Chakotay look at her, puzzled. "You mean the possibility of your dreams happening?"

Kathryn gently kissed him, before talking again… "Chakotay, you showed me a scope in happiness and love the likes I never imagined… I was scared of losing myself. You were overwhelming me and I was so very scared of the unknown… of losing myself and never find my way back. I was afraid that nothing else would matter."

The look on her face makes him think that she's expressing these things for the first time; she's telling him as much as she's telling herself. Her eyes gleaming and she held nothing back. She was setting her feelings free… free of any doubts… fear… restraint.

"Your love is so… so… the scope of it. I'm set in boundaries, I know where the captain ends and Kathryn begins and I set the boundaries of my love along the same lines. There were no bounds to your love and I couldn't cope with having no bounds. I didn't get that no bounds is safe, there are… no edges to fall off and no walls to hit. I can embrace it all and still I won't embrace it all.

She chuckled a little "I don't make any sense, do I?"

He answered her with a kiss. "You make perfect sense, love. No bound IS safe because there are no bounds. I doubt I'll ever know how hard it is for you to relinquish control and just love me."

Kathryn raised her hands to cup his face between them. "It was never about being the captain or Kathryn, I am both and both coexists in your love for me and my love for you. I love you whether I'm one of the other. I just couldn't accept the idea that my love for you would influence my decision when would come time to send you on an away mission, or to put you in a potentially dangerous situation."

"And what change?" he asked.

"When you left Astrometrics this afternoon, I thought of how I was keeping myself from the happiness of loving you so that upon our return to Earth I would have the right answer if asked if we were romantically involved. I realized that to answer "no" to that question would be a lie even if I rejected you. We are romantically involved, I love you and you love me, the fact that I was keeping you at arms length changed nothing to our romantic involvements. ''

She took a second considering what she was about to say. ''As for the part about ordering you to risk your life. Boy, was I fooling myself… just another excuse. Involved or not, I'm paralysed with fear, every time you go off ship and I will have the same fears… no less, no more, every time you leave, because my love is no less or no more then it was three years ago or will be in thirty years from now. I simply love you. The thought of losing you terrifies me and this afternoon…. when I thought I lost your love I would have gone to hell and back to make you love me again."

She bend a little to kiss his hand, his eyes transfix on her lips not letting a word unheard. "But as the captain, I have to make decisions that might put the lives of my crew in danger and that includes you."

He saw fear of the possibility in the pool of her eyes but it soon was replace with all the love she felt for him. "If you were to die tomorrow, there are only two possible scenarios for me. To go on with my life, remembering the wonderful memories we are going to make, keeping you in my heart and my memories of happiness, or; to remember a life of wanting you, knowing the regrets of not having known true happiness in your arms, knowing I've hurt you and brace myself for the weight of the misery and the guilt."

She gently brushed her hands along his tattoo. "It's an easy choice, I can love you now and delight in every moments we have together and hurt later or deny that bond between us and forever know the pain of not being with you… the solitude of a life without your love."

She kissed him tenderly before adding: "I wasn't following protocol, I was hiding behind it."


	5. Chapter 5

I know this is a short chapter but having written chapter 5 and 6 together, I had a really hard time splitting them. The next one will be longer. Promise.

Once more I have to thank all the readers who took the time to write a review for me. I feel honoured and joyful for them. Thank you all. They are my bread and butter.

The last line of chapter 4, is Katherine saying: "I wasn't following protocol, I was hiding behind it."

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Chakotay tenderly smiled at her. Putting his hand on her nape, he gently pushed her against his chest as he said chuckling softly.

"Oh Sweetheart, I knew you were hiding, it was obvious."

She lifted her head, surprised in her big blue eyes.

"How… "

"You see beloved. You're a non-conformist."

She snorted… "Yeah… right. Me, a Starfleet Captain… non-conformiste." She was looking at him like he had just grown a third eye in the middle of his forehead.

He cut her words with a kiss… his eyes filled with love and wonder.

"Come on sweetheart. As much as you are the epitome of the Starfleet officer… have you notice how often and how good you are at justifying actions that are bending rules or making rules fit your purpose."

Chakotay saw shock appear on Kathryn's face.

"Are you kidding me? I don't…" Again he stopped her with a kiss before going on with his explanation.

"Not only do you bend the rules, but you don't care who knows about it. Ask any member of the crew, they tell you the same."

"Totally ridiculous." Katherine now looked at him like he's just lost his mind.

"Think about it Kathryn, how many times you have bent the Prime Directive in our dealing with the different worlds we came in contact with. Think of who we have on this ship and the reason for their presence… the intervention it took to get them here… Kes, Nelix, Seven, and the Borg kids, you justified having them on the ship… each and every one of them. For all matter and purpose, when we took Icheb, we kidnap a minor against the will of his parents."

She interrupted: "They were going to kill him… I couldn't…"

"Sweetheart I'm not talking about morality, I'm talking about legality. Ok… forget Icheb, what about the Devore telepaths. If that wasn't interference in the laws and dealings of another race, I don't know what is… but you've justified every instance. You're very good at justifying."

She interjected "Pff…. I also couldn't let these people die… That doesn't mean…"

He cut her continuing his train of thoughts.

"About the fact that I'm a wanted criminal and yet you made me your first officer… and made Tom your helmsman when you knew perfectly well that he lost his Starfleet commission… About B'Elanna as chief engineer, we should all be in your brig.

"I couldn't… not you…" It was evident the thought of putting him in the brig was disturbing to her. She calmed down and shrugged her shoulders. "Again I didn't have a choice…"

He cut her yet again: "Like I said, very good at justifying… Should I remind you of the temporary alliance you had with the Borg, which made us take Seven in. That's going to take all your talent of justification when we do get back to earth. And what will the brass say when you have to explain giving Federation technology to the Hirogens."

"Those were different, circumstances…"

Chakotay didn't want to end up in an argument with her… he knew just the tactic to bring back the hazy look in her eyes.

"My point, sweetheart…" he said kissing the tip of her nose "…is that you never even tried to bend the rules…" he then kissed her forehead "…on fraternization between officers…" he kissed the right side of her neck "…while…" his lips went on to the left side of her neck "…you've bent almost every other rules in the book…" his lips were on her chin by the time he finished his sentence "… at least a little..." He ended his statement by reaching her mouth and rendering her speechless with consummate skill, taking her lips in a devouring kiss.

Chakotay pulled his head back, reading to distract her again if needed be. "So how am I doing so far, Captain."

"Divinely" was her answer as she pulled his head closer and kissed him back.

They sat on the couch, kissing and caressing each other, softly and tenderly, discovering the pleasure of their mutual touch. After a little while, Chakotay thought he was going to spontaneously combust if he didn't take a breather.

Pulling away a little, he put his arm around her shoulder and taking her hand in his he lifted it to his lips for a fleeting kiss. He looked at the ring and then in her eyes. Both were the same colour, had the same sparkles.

"I wanted you to have this ring because like you, this ring is unique. This is the only one ever made and that ever will be and as my love for you, it will last forever.

He bent his head and took her lips in a kiss that told her more than his words, all the love he felt for her. His tongue dancing with hers, his arms around her tightening as he wanted to join with her, to become one with her. She ended the kiss and look at him with a beautiful smile spreading her lips. She hugged him letting her cheek rest on his chest.

"I love my ring Chakotay. It's New Earth, the work you put in it, your love. It's so much more than just a stone." She chuckled softly. "I guess I'll have to be pretty creative in finding your ring… Short of going back to New Earth, naturally."

She felt the rumble of his laugh under her cheek. "You can be pretty creative when you really want to Kathryn, I'm not worried."

Placing his hand under her chin, to make her look into his eyes. "But I don't need a ring to know that you love me. I see it in your eyes, in your smile… I know it in my heart… that's all I need." He buried his face in her neck. "And to think you have accepted to become my wife… Thank you Kathryn."

"God Chakotay… I just love you so much". She raised her arms to circle his shoulder and tied them around this neck. She pulled his head to hers. She wanted to kiss him with all the love and energy in her. Their lips met and they got lost in the moment, she felt his tongue passing the barrier of her lips to rub against hers. They felt connected, basking in the joy of their bodies pressed together. She felt a wave going through her body, ache, and pleasure… She wanted him, all of him. She wanted to unite her body with his, wanted to complete the connection. She broke the kiss to look at his face.

The desire she saw in his eyes was her undoing. She wanted him with every particle in her body. She needed him like she needed to breathe. It was that simple. Yet she didn't want to be the one initiating. She was in command all the time, for this time, their first time… she wanted to relish that command to him, give him the control… in a small way atone for the humiliation he felt for the last three years.

"Before we make that commitment… Don't you want? Shouldn't we… I thought…" She was stuttering.

"What is it Kathryn. You agreed already, if you changed your mind, I'll do my best to change it again. Remember you subordinated your will to mine and marrying you is what I want. You're not backing up… are you?" He said in a loving smile showing no doubt about the answer to his question.

_Damn the man, doesn't he get I wanted him to make the first move._

"No… never, my love. It's not that. I want to marry you. But… don't you want to make sure… we… we fit… together."

Chakotay knew see where she was going, he had from the beginning, but seeing this side of her was a first and truly enchanting. It was obvious she was making an effort to give him the control, but she was obviously not very good at it and so very cute right now.

_Right. Tell her she's cute and you're back in your quarters in no time. But she is… _

Unaware of his musing, she kept talking. "Don't you want to make sure that the chemistry is? I mean… in bed. What if…"

Chakotay laughed. "Kathryn we've been making sparks for five years… are you really worried we might not be sexually compatible?"

"You never know." Her eyes were saying differently.

_I've known all along we'll be wonderful together. So much time spent imagining, fantasizing. It will be like lighting two sticks of dynamite. Explosive. _She giggled.

Hearing her, Chakotay's head came down and captured her lips in a searing kiss.

"You're playing with me love, you know the pleasure I get from kissing you? I'm not afraid about the chemistry."

Kathryn decided that hints wouldn't work with her dark and handsome husband-to-be.

"I want to repair the damage I've done, give you back your dignity. Our first time, we'll remember all our lives and I need to follow your lead and set the tone that when we are together I am not the Captain, just Kathryn. I want share the control I've kept for myself."

She saw the light in his eyes, and then a grin appeared on his face. A huge, happy grin.

_He's stunning. The dimples, the smile… how on Earth did I resist for so long. I don't know. Her thoughts made lips spread in a crooked smile, her eyes lighting up._

Chakotay simply enjoyed the view.

_Spirits, she's so beautiful she makes me forget to breathe._

Coming back to her previous request he thought some more. _She's giving me such a gift. Giving control is not easy to her, but then maybe she needs a place where she's not in control, someone who can be her soft landing… that she trusts enough to let him be in control while she takes a break from the command and the decision making. It's more than atoning for the past… I'm sure. It's about her choosing not to be in control all the time, showing me the extent of her trust in me._

Chakotay pressed his body against hers, lifting his arms to circle her shoulders, he pulled her to him, obsidian eyes lost in blue eyes.

"I love you Kathryn, with all my heart. Will you let me love you with all my body?"

She hugged him closely looping her arms around his neck. "I've dreamed of loving you for so long… Yes Chakotay, please make love to me."


	6. Chapter 6

**WARNING:** This Chapter is rated M. If it's not your cup of tea, please skip it. It's a longer chapter but I didn't see how I could cut it in two chapters.

Reviews in the sun in my day, the spring in my step and the motivation to stay in front of my computer to write. So please, let them flow.

Chapter 5 ends with: "I love you Kathryn, with all my heart. Will you let me love you with all my body?"

She hugged him closely looping her arms around his neck. "I've dreamed of loving you for so long… Yes Chakotay, please make love to me."

* * *

**C****hapter 6**

His throat was so tight with emotion Chakotay couldn't say the words. He took her face in his hand and gently kissed her forehead, her temple, the tip of her nose, her luscious lips, her chin, the line of her jaw. His lips were learning every detail of the lovely face his eyes knew so well.

He fantasized about making love in every way possible and his imagination paled in comparison to what he was feeling. He knew how he wanted it to be, slowly tantalizing, passionate yet gentle, lustful and sacred. He wanted it to be the consecration of their feelings, an act of respect, love, beauty and passion.

He took her hand in his and led her to the bedroom. Sitting down on the end of the bed, he made her stand between his open knees. He slowly undid her skirt to let it fall on the floor. Taking her hand in his, he helped her out of the pool of fabric at her feet. He pulled away a little, admiring her, standing in front of him, the white blouse to her midriff, the panties cut high on her hips and the dark line of her stockings against the white skin of her upper thigh. She was beautiful, memorable; this picture would be embedded in his mind forever.

He saw the shadow of her nipples pushing against the fabric of the blouse stood which was the only thing between her skin and his eyes or his lips. He admired her body. Beautiful legs, firm inviting thighs. Incredibly feminine and sexy as hell.

"You're so beautiful Kathryn."

"No, I'm not, but thank you… "

"You're beautiful…" he cut her words. "Kathryn, you take my breath away."

She lifted her hand to his temple, gently grazing his scalp with her nails as her fingers went through his hair. Gently grabbing the back of his head, she pulled his face between her breast, kissing the top of his head and feeling the softness of his hair under her cheek.

"You're bias Chakotay. I'm too strong, too hard… to be beautiful."

He kissed the skin between her breasts and pulled back chuckling.

"Let me show you…"

His hands started at her knee going up her thighs, the tip of his fingers testing the softness of the stockings before feeling the skin above them… caressing.

"Skin as soft as silk, as warm as cashmere. Beautiful legs and thighs, hard enough to pull me to your body, pulpous enough to invite me to cradle myself between them."

He heard her gasp for air, her eyes half closed relishing in the pleasure of his touch, his hands going around her hips, caressing the cheek of her bottom not covered by the lace of her panties.

"Hum… more soft, pulpous, inviting skin, that my lips are dying to taste."

Her breathing became shallow. Bringing his hands back he took her hands between his and carried on.

"Hands, beautiful hands, strong and firm, soft and caressing, hands I long to feel on me. Long, slim, gentle fingers. They've driven me to madness all these years. I would shiver every time you touch me and Spirits know you're a touchy person." He kissed the pad of each fingers.

She looked at him captivated by his words. He kept going on exploring.

"And your wrists; you have the most delicate wrists I've ever seen." He bent his head, depositing a kiss on her throbbing pulse on the inside of her wrist. Her head fell back and she let an overwhelmed moan out.

"Shall I go on." He asked his hand over the first button of her blouse.

She could only nod her assent; her mind was too clouded to form the simplest word. She was lost in pleasure, pure pleasure. Every cell in her body dancing in pleasure.

Chakotay undid the first button. He could see the swell of her breasts, the tender skin of her neck. He lifted a finger to her chin and let it go down under it, along her throat until it reached her collarbone.

"A little kissable dent here"

Letting his finger go along her neck up to her ear lobe,

"A little kissable flesh there"

His finger trace back and on to the other ear lobe.

"And there".

Kathryn's body was on fire. Waves after waves of perfect heat were taking possession of her body. She was aching all over, aching for his touch, for the pleasure only he could bring her, his touch was too much yet not enough. She wanted more. Chakotay's hands were undoing a second button.

"Oh Kathryn… soft, tender, fragrant skin I want to kiss, taste, smell forever."

Bending his head he was nuzzling the skin between her breasts that were only hinting through the opening of the blouse. He undid all the buttons until her blouse fell open, still covering her breasts, the soft fabrics teasing her budding nipples. Careful not to open her shirt completely, Chakotay slid his arms inside the blouse, around her waist to have them met in her back, pulling her to him until he could lean his cheek against her stomach.

"Your skin is perfection… alive under my fingers, you have the most feminine little tummy."

He kept his head leaning on her stomach; her hand going through his hair, rapt by the awed in his voice as he was discovering her body.

"It's perfect to carry our child"

That did it for her. Tears started falling down her face. He saw her tears and knew them to be happy ones… tears to revere.

His hands went to her stockings, divesting her of them, slowly… way too slowly. Her panties were next to go. As he took them off, he lifted them to his nose.

"That smell… this is you, just you… I could recognize your smell anywhere. It has driven me mad for years."

Such an intimate gesture, she groaned in reaction. No man had ever done something so simple and yet so arousing as to smell her.

His hands went back to her body with a mind of their own. He needed to touch her.

"You're so beautiful… the mere thought of touching you, makes me hard. I've dreamed of looking into your eyes to see your pleasure grow while I'm inside you and being afraid I could not hold it and wait for you."

Tears where forgotten, her eyes fogged with desire. He went on along the side of her body and lower… lower still. He was not kneading or stroking, just barely touching her skin, his hand hovering, lightly dancing, as they caressed her with agonizing slowness, down, down, past her navel.

"Soft… soft curls, soft skin, tender flesh."

He bent his head again, kissing that spot where her thighs and hips met, gripping at every nerve in her body. She lived for his lips on her skin. Her head snapped back when she felt his tongue tracing the line of her outer lips. Her hands rushed to his hair, mingling and pulling them gently, her lips letting go of a hoarse cry.

"Chakotay."

"Just as I thought" he whispered. "Delicious… your skin is utterly delectable."

She whimpered, "Chakotay… you said five years of foreplay were enough"

She felt a smile spread his lips, now on her stomach, her skin tingling under the vibration of his voice.

"I also think there's a lot to be said for anticipation, for wanting something with everything you have… everything you are".

"Do you have any doubts that I want you in that way" she answered, her voice filled with longing, her head falling back under the caress of his lips going up her torso, kissing, nipping at her tender skin.

Nuzzling the side of one breast, he pushed the light fabric that was still covering it. He was entrance with her dark nipples, little pebbles, dying for his lips and hardening under his gaze. His tongue darted to gently touch the very tip of it, his hand pushing the fabric from her other breast, he wetted the tip of her other nipple.

She let out a long, painful moan. Her nipples were painful in yearning for more, driving the ache in her stomach to increase the wetness between her legs, her clitoris pulsating with need.

"Aahhh… You're killing me. Take it all; take my breasts in your mouth. Please…"

Her shirt still holding by the fabric going around her neck, Chakotay needed to see all of her so the shirt was thrown away. Now naked in front of him, she was strikingly beautiful.

"You're mind-blowingly beautiful. Kathryn, you inspire master works, you have a beauty that could start wars."

His words were making her mind swirl. She was grateful his eyes were clouded by love and desire, for he didn't see the imperfections of nature and the passing of time.

He took her in his arms, crushing her against him and just stayed holding her, She let her hands on his shoulders and waited… waited for him to move again, giving him the time he needed. His eyes closed, the side of his head pressing against her chest, he was trying to put his raging body under control.

He grabbed hold of himself; he didn't want it to be like that. Later maybe, but now, for their first time together, he wanted it slow and gentle. He wanted to map her body, find each pleasure zone, learn the pressure and caress that would burn her skin and drive her desire to new heights.

For a few minutes, they just kept holding in each other. They were in perfect communion. He was winning his battle with the wishing of his body, feeling her fingers playing in his hair, soothing him, she seemed to be so content.

"Chakotay…"

"Yes beloved" he murmured.

"I want to see you too… will you let me…"

She gently pulled away, her hands offered to take his and help him stand up. They reversed positions, she was sitting on the edge of her bed and he was standing in front of her.

_He's mine to touch and caress… I'm free to explore his body, inches by tantalizing inches._ She thought, revelling in the knowledge that she was finally fulfilling her fantasies of this beautiful man.

She undid the buttons at the wrist of his shirt, pushing her hands inside the sleeves to touch the inside of his arms, feeling the firmness of his muscles under the soft skin covering his body. Her hands went to the buttons of his shirt, undoing them to let the shirt fall.

"You're so beautiful."

He laughed repeating her earlier words. "I'm too hard to be beautiful"

She smiled, not taking her eyes off his chest, she couldn't if she tried, captivated as she was with the sight of him. His chest was firm but not overly. She noticed the appearance of love handles… so endearing. His skin was the colour of cinnamon, flawless except for the faint trace of a scar on his left side, under the nipple. She followed it with the tip of her finger then got up from the bed as she heard him say.

"We were hit by the Cardassians in the badlands. It was just a nick; I never bothered to have the scar removed." He felt her lips kissing the scar, her tongue tracing it, she caught the gasp quickly followed with a growl that escaped his lips..

"Kathryn…" He felt his knees wobble.

"Yes my love…" She answered as her tongue travelled from the scar, leaving a trace of fire along the path to his nipple that she gently nipped and licked.

"You… you…"

She laughed softly. "Remember… anticipation."

Her hands were roaming over his torso. Strong well-developed shoulders, hairless chest except for tiny bush around his nipples and a fine line of hair from his navel to the waistband of his pants. She ran her hands all over him before they met for a little get together over the noticeable bulge in the front of his pants. She moved around his body, caressing him as she went.

"Hum… I'm sure Leonardo would love to have you as a model. You're drop dead gorgeous."

Her hands travelling his back, she dropped little kisses on his should blades, her tongue wetting the line along his spine, her hands rested on his still covered cheeks and squeezed them gently.

"You truly are a work of art, my love."

She pressed her body against his back. He could feel the hardness of her nipples rub against the skin of his back. Her arms coming around him to his chest, she hugged him to her tightly.

"I love you so much Chakotay. I want to give you all of me. All that I am and all that I can be."

She gave him so much in such a short time, given him all he thought he would never get. "Oh Kathryn…" was all he could say.

She tried not to be overwhelmed by the emotions she felt. She moved back to face him and sat down again.

"And now, for the piece of resistance".

He loved the dreamy smile on her face and her eyes sparkling, like the ring on her finger. He couldn't resist.

"All shades of blue, all shades of you."

Her smile widened. Her hands were shaking, undoing the belt of his pants, unzipping, opening …

"Commander… I'm shocked!"

"Laundry day, Ma'am. "

He could feel her hot breath over his stomach; his erection was jumping around. He felt her kissing the skin made available to her lips. His knees buckled.

"Kathryn… "

"Hold on my love, just a little bit longer… please."

How could she expect him… her hands were back touching his pants and helping them fall to the floor. Holding his hand, has he did earlier, she picked up the pants and threw them on a chair in the corner.

"God, You are beautiful… the most beautiful man I've ever seen."

She was rubbing her hands along his legs, going up to his chest and coming back down on his back.

"Beautiful, doesn't do you justice…"

Her hands were back on his legs, her eyes… her lips… set mere inches from the head of his shaft as her hot breath made it twitch.

"Hum…. Happy to see me Commander"

"Kathryn… what… hummmm…"

He couldn't keep the long moan that escaped his lips. She was caressing his hardness, cajoling it. Her warm and soft hands cupping his love apples. He never dreamed her touch could be like this. He felt her lips kissing his penis all over, from the base to the core of his spirit. She stopped and he opened his eyes to see her mouth opened and his penis disappeared into it. The heat, the wetness from her mouth, her eyes, it was like nothing he ever felt, ever imagined.

"Spirits, Kathryn. Your mouth… it… it… "

She wetted her lips until he could see them glistening then her mouth tortured the tip of his penis and he lost what little was left of his composure. He was lost to everything that wasn't her mouth. She let his rod out of her mouth and ran her tongue from root to tip going down on the back, nibbling on the fat vein and along it to his testicles that she took in her mouth gently, suckling on them. It was exquisite. He could feel the throbbing and pulsating pleasure that meant he would not last very long.

"Kathryn… stop… the first time… I want it to be with you, inside you."

She pulled away from him, looked up to his eyes with all the love she could gather. Giving the head of his penis a parting caress, she said. "It will be my pleasure, my love. I want you inside me; I want you part of me… I want to feel you deeply…"

Her words were arousing him just as much as her lips had. He couldn't grasp the control over his body anymore and didn't care. He wanted her with every fibre of his being. He took her in his arms and kissed her senseless, all the while making her lie on the bed. He pulled away, his hand caressing her breasts, her hips, discovering her body.

"You are so beautiful Kathryn… I love everything about you"

Her eyes glitteringg, she followed every gesture he made. His head bent to kiss her stomach, going up under the swell of her breast, then to the tender skin between them.

"You smell like fresh air and flowers… like happiness and love."

He went back to her breast, kissing and nibbling the sides, never touching her nipples. He was teasing himself with her body, tracing her with his mouth.

He needed this moment to get some of his control back and he would use that time on her. So he did the only thing he could do. He came back to her face; amazed by the love he could see in her eyes, he had waited so long to see that look. He thanked the Spirits for her, for accepting his love and returning it. His soul sang the pure, palpable joy he felt, being free of expressing his feeling for her.

He kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, spreading feathery kisses on her face, witnessing the tears of joy pooling in her eyes.

He took her lips in a tender kiss, letting his tongue run along her lips, letting his tongue invade her mouth, grazing against her teeth to explore further the marvellous taste of her mouth. He continued his exploration by kissing along her chin to her neck and down to the tender skin of her upper breasts. Her nipples were erect, engorged, calling to him, to his mouth.

Finally, he closed his lips on her nipples and she gasped.

"Ah… oh… hum…"

It was so new for her. Every sensation was new, the scope of it unexplored before.

"Chakotay… please. I can't wait… please."

Her head was rolling from side to side, her back arching from the bed. Chakotay ignored her plea and went on to the other nipple, took it in his mouth delicately and started suckling on it, letting his tongue twirl around it, flipping on it. She tasted so good. He couldn't get enough of her and held nothing back. He gently bit the nubs and nipped at her breast, totally involved in every reaction he was getting from her.

They were both surprise when her back came off the bed and her upper body jerked once and again, then she fell back on the bed. Her eyes closed, a frown of total disbelief on her face. Did she just have an orgasm?

"Wow… what was that. How did… what… it never… Wow" was all she could gasps.

Chakotay chuckled. "Yes… Wow… would be right. You surprised me with that one. I expected you to be responsive, but not THAT responsive. You're are truly wonderful, my love."

She gave him a look full of surprise. "It's a first for me too. I'm as surprised as you are and delighted. It felt wonderful… and if I could feel that way just from you caressing my breasts, I can't imagine what the rest will be like." She ended up laughing at the possibility before explaining to him.

"It's not like a normal orgasm… and yet it has the same climbing and falling, not as strong, but... This is so…. I do have a sense of completion. I can't explain."

"Does that mean you're done…" he said a playfully.

She couldn't keep from laughing out loud, that laugh which made him want her right now… every time… She didn't know the effect it had.

"You have the most incredible laugh in all the galaxies. The sexiest laugh ever, it would make me do mad things. It's THE laugh. I hear it and I want to take you right there, wherever we were."

_Who cares about my stupid laugh… I want more of this, more of him. _

She sat on the bed, her hands going around his neck, she pulled him to her, making him lie on top of her, feeling his body crushing hers into the bed and delighting in the contact. Gathering his face in the crook of her neck, her legs going around his waist. He could feel her happiness coming out the pores of her skin…

"Chakotay… please… no more foreplay. I beg you. I just want you hard and pushing inside me as far as you can go."

Chakotay couldn't find the will to deny her. His hands started roaming all over her body, driving her insane with desire. When she thought she couldn't stand it anymore, his lips started the same exploration… his wonderful, warm, pulpous lips everywhere, licking, nipping, nibbling, and kissing. She was surprise to feel herself going up on the first plateau to her orgasm. How could he do that? Did he know the power he had over her? Her body was moving and twisting with every touch of his lips.

He heard her broken voice. "Chakotay, please. It feels like I'm going to come from your lips and yet I know I won't because it's not enough. I need more, more of you…"

"You have all of me Kathryn… all of me."

Hands caressing, rubbing and kneading, his lips licking… She felt him go down along her legs. Kissing the tender skin where her hip bone started, going down more, nuzzling the curls covering her mound, moving to the inside of her thighs where she could feel his teeth lightly scratching her skin, it was wonderfully arousing.

"Your perfume… you smell wonderful. I want to taste you, drink from you."

He moved to kneel down between her legs. He raised his eyes to her, his pupils large and dark with passion. His hands caressed her mound, running through the curls covering it. He could see the wetness glistening on the edge of her lips. He gently blew on her and heard her inhale deeply. Gently, he spread her lips to her pink, glistening skin, calling to him, for his touch.

He leaned over, looking in her eyes that she was readying herself for his tongue. With the flat of his tongue he went from her core to the tip of her sex in one long lick. He felt her shudder. Her head back, her shoulders coming off the bed, she let out a long unrestrained moan.

"YES. My God… Yes."

He licked her a few more times, keeping is long and slow. Her heard her call his name as her body jerked and abated back on the bed.

_Holy Mother of God. How… how can he makes me climax so quickly… so strongly._ She opened her eyes and saw his smiling face close to hers. He was delighted in her response.

"I think I got how you work… This was number two my love. By number five you should have lost total control of your senses. I'm going to make you forget everyone and everything… forget your own name."

He truly looked like a five year old that just discovered how trains work, smiling at her.

"That's what sex and love in equal measures do." He said tenderly.

She was bemused. "It's almost scary."

He looked at her confused.: "What is?"

There was a stunned look on her face.: "The idea that this is only two and that you have your mind set on five. I don't think I can do five".

Chakotay sniggered: "Nobody ever died of pleasure. There's more to my tradition than vision quests you know."

He didn't let her react to his words and went back to the apex of her legs. She felt his fingers open her lips and felt him kiss the tip of her clitoris in an exquisite torture. The kisses slowly changed to gentle sucking and his lips capturing her bundle of nerves in quick soft tugging.

She was moaning non-stop, rolling her hips under his mouth, her hands caressing her breasts… Her legs were bent, feet propped on the bed, her buttocks slightly off the bed, wanting his caress to deepen. She was going up and up on the plateaux of pleasure, too many to count, each one more exquisite than the one before and she came two more times as he continued to pleasure her, going soft and slow after each orgasms and building back to the peak of pleasure and the exquisite descent. With every climax he drank the juices flowing out of her, trying to quench his thirst for her body… to no avail.

He stopped and she felt the pang of frustration if only for a second as his body covered hers and his penis found its way to the threshold of her entrance.

She heard him whisper: "Look at me Kathryn. Open your eyes. I want to see your pleasure as we join inside you…"

She opened them and locked her eyes onto his.

He slowly started thrusting into her, she could feel him pushing inches after torturing inches, letting her body adjust to the size of him, going slowly deeper. It felt more than incredible; it felt as if her senses were flooded with millions of stars. Nothing mattered but the feeling of him inside her, greeting him to her body, making him groan and smile at the same time.

She was moaning, pleading, his name on her lips, only aware of the way he felt inside her. He was embedded in her to the hilt and he wasn't moving, just happy to feel her contract around him. Her eyes were transfixed on his face, on every expression of his beautiful face as he started to move inside her. She could feel every pulsations coming from his penis, the twitching and throbbing that was him. She held him in the most intimate of ways. He felt her response, her hips meeting his.

"Spirits, you feel so good"

He started retreating slowly, almost until he was out of her… almost. He surged back inside her, retreated slowly once more and pushed again… hard. He saw stars shattered in her eyes… she came, as she never did before, an engulfing wave in a storm of pure pleasure. Chakotay stopped watching her pleasure, she grabbed on to him like he was the only thing holding her to the universe, scratching the skin on his back and shoulders. She was experiencing the strongest, longest orgasm she ever had.

He pulled and pushed himself inside her again, gently and the wave of pleasure rushed anew over her body. He kept on pushing inside her, long gentle thrusts, his hands kneading her breasts, tugging on her nipples with his fingers, eliciting moans and a few wails in the process. After a few minutes, he lost it. He couldn't resist anymore. He started moving faster and harder, filling her completely and still she felt the waves coming and coming. She had no control, no choices but to ride them and hope to land safely. Through the fog of pleasure, she heard her name and felt him giving her his essence, bathing her inside, every thrust shaking her body with more waves of pleasure, going and leaving. Finally, in a blinding light behind her close eyelids, she reached a new height and held on to him for her was salvation. He was growling her name in his pleasure.

They fell back on the bed, she welcomed the weight of his body on hers… and she started laughing… No chuckles or whispery giggles… loud and noisy belly laughs that came from deep within her.

He raised his head from her shoulder to look at her face, feeling his penis twitched inside her…

_Mind over matter. That's an even better version of THE laugh._

Kissing her cheek he whispered in her hear. "Care to share the joke"

A surprised look on her face, she stopped laughing. She was silent for a few seconds a look of total bewilderment on her face.

"I don't know… it's… I didn't know I was laughing until you ask me why I was. Can't explain it. Nothing funny… I don't know why, it just felt liberating somehow."

He looked at her, tenderness in his eyes and he said. "Euphoria"

She looked at him, her eyes as big as saucers. "YES. That's exactly it. Pure, unadulterated, liberating, wonderful euphoria. It's like I needed to do something in reaction to the pleasure and the only satisfying way was to laugh." And she started laughing again.

Her laugh made him feel like he was 10 feet tall and had just invented sex. By the time her laughter died to become a smile on her lips, he was by her side, his hand softly roaming on her body, appeasing her, dropping little kisses on her neck, nibbling on her earlobes.

"I was afraid I would not last enough to give you pleasure and you surprised me by coming with a few first thrusts." She heard him say.

She covered his face with kisses. "It was too strong; I could not push it back… The magnitude of it… we really made love, I felt it."

She turned around, facing him, settled her leg between his, her cheek on his chest. She was in heaven. He enfolded her in his arms, basking in the feel of her, savouring the moment. He felt her relax against him, looked down on her, she was asleep.

He smiled. _Who ever said women want to talk and men to sleep… _

That was the last conscious thought going through his mind as he also fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

As I've said before, I'm really new at this. I've only written two multi chapters and two single chapters stories. I'm curious about something. Is the lack of reviews an expression of the interest in the story. I mean lots of people have read the last chapter, but only 1 review. Does that mean nobody really likes this story and I should stop or is this a normal thing, very few reviews from a lot of readers. When is the lack of reviews a sign to give up on a story?

That being said, thank you Snorty 1, my most faithful reviewer. It's always a delight to read your reviews.

In the last chapter, Chakotay and Janeway took a major step in their relationship and made love together.

**RATED M for sexual content. Consider this a fair warning.**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

"It is 0600 hours Captain Janeway. It is 0600 hours"

"Blasted alarm." She mumbled. "Computer reset alarm."

Katherine loved waking up slowly in the morning. Getting reacquainted with the sounds of the ship before truly waking up, staying between the two zones as long as she could. This morning was different, for she didn't care for anything that wasn't Chakotay in her bed.

She tried to sit down but legs and arms were pinning her down. Chakotay. She smiled, deciding to enjoy the feel of his skin against hers. They had switched position in their sleep. Spooned together, his arm going under her neck and laying on her pillow while the other was coming around her, his hand over her breast nestled again his palm, his legs tangled with hers. She could feel his erection against her buttocks. He felt wonderful!

She turned around, as gently as she could, to look at his face. He was still sound asleep, his mouth slightly opened, his breathing long and deep. What a wonderful man. If she could give him half of what he had given her he would be a very happy man for a very long time.

_My God. I'm getting married. He's going to be mine… my husband. How I love the sound of that. She closed her eyes a large smile on her face. _The smile was short lived as a frown changed her features._ The crew. How will the crew react?_

After yesterday, they probably knew about the change in their relationship but they certainly didn't expect something this big, this fast.

_Shit… Starfleet._ Now that they had contacts with Starfleet, she would have to explain herself to her superior. What if they didn't give her permission… what if they thought it would be inappropriate….

_I'll present them with a full proof case, something they can't argue with. We don't expect to be back on Earth during out lifetime, they can't deny us to have lives out here_.

She felt warm lips on her cheek and heard a smile in his voice. "Whom are you plotting against, my love? You have that look on your face."

"What look?"

"The 'I have a battle plan' look."

She laughed, letting a finger slide from the markings on his forehead to his chin.

"I was thinking how to present our case to Starfleet. Because of the stream, I'll have to ask them permission to marry you."

"And you have a battle plan" he added chuckling.

"You bet I do Mister. Oh! Chakotay, I don't care about what anyone could do or say. This is a wonderful day, the beginning of a wonderful life with you."

"Yes sweetheart, wonderful." He kissed her again, showing her a wonderful way to starting a wonderful day.

He pulled himself over her before nudging himself between her legs. He started kissing every part of skin available, always going back to her lips. Nipping at her breasts, gently biting her earlobes, he aroused her to the point of no return in no time. Continuing his nibbling, he started pushing his rigid shaft inside her and it felt incredible.

"The things you do to me, beloved. I'm in perpetual state of arousal. You just have to breathe and I'm turned on… and hard."

She was already lost in pleasure, feeling him move inside of her, long lazy thrust, letting her feel every ridges, contour, the velvety skin and the hard strength… from inside her.

"Oh… honey, you feel so good… so… so… good. It's… almost… unbearable, it's so good. Please Chakotay… I want to come, please give it to me… make me come."

Her words were playing havoc with his control. He never took her for the pleading type.

He kept on moving in and out of her in long slow thrusts, letting her orgasm build slowly, stealing her breathe and making her shake all over.

"How do you want it Kathryn… tell me how much you want me to make you climax."

"Please, please… it's killing me… I want you, hard and fast. I feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin. Please, Chakotay, no teasing… fuck me."

Still he kept a slow rhythm to take her to the peak of her pleasure while his lips and hands were busy on her breasts, neck and lips.

"Oh…oh… I can't, Chakotay, I can't… please… ahhhh…. Faster, harder. Please."

He wasn't going to give into her so fast. He pulled away from her and moved her on her side so he could spoon his body behind her, sliding a leg between hers and moving back inside her.

Now he was really going to drive her crazy. Still thrusting inside her, his lips were gently biting her earlobe and neck, delighting in the moans that escaped her lips. She was so responsive. His hands were brushing against her breasts, grazing her nipples and lightly pinching them.

"Holy fuck… Oh God… Chakotay, I love you. You feel so good, inside me, all over my body. I never thought it could feel this good. I want to take you inside me, deeper… right to my soul… I want to impale myself on you… Chakotay."

He smiled; she had just opened her mouth and let the words out. He loved her voice, the way it dipped on certain words… Never expected her to be a talker in bed. It suited him perfectly.

"Tell me how much you want me Kathryn, tell me how much you want it."

Keeping one hand on her breast, he let the other slowly descend to start teasing her clitoris. She couldn't tell him anything… she was too far-gone. She bucked against him, picking up the rhythm of their lovemaking, her hands blindly caressing his face against her neck, slowly going down and around to caress his now swollen testicles.

"Oh, Kathryn, yes… that feels so good. That's it, move into me. Yes… that's it, move your wonderful hips and ride me."

He felt her pleasure increase tenfold when he had started caressing her clitoris gently brushing the pad of his finger against it, making little circles around it, massaging her with the palms of his hand. The movement of her hips going back and forth on his throbbing shaft was driving him to madness. He wanted to drive himself into her with the strength of a supernova.

He pulled away again but not without some complaints from Kathryn, her hands trying to bring him back to her.

"No… no… please, don't."

"Hold on my love, just one second"

He moved over her body letting her fall on her back and he crushed her under his body, entering her in a powerful thrust.

"GOD YES." She yelled. "Oh… Chakotay… don't stop… don't stop"

He moved fast and hard inside of her, literally hammering her with his body, going in and out in an ungodly rhythm, making her move up on the bed under his assault. Her eyes rolling she felt her orgasm build, closer to the edge, so close, feeling gushes of her juices flow while she clenched around him, capturing him, squeezing him so tight, he could hardly move. The pleasure was overwhelming and bright. She went over the edge and hung on to him, kissing his neck, his lips, holding on to him with arms and legs.

"LOVE… YOU…" She screamed the words. Chakotay looked at her climaxed, he felt her limbs fell from his body onto the bed, Katherine panting trying to catch her breath. Chakotay pushed himself one last time, as far and as hard as he could and stayed there, feeling his essence leave him. The descent was heavenly. His body was free falling until it landed in utter bliss.

Small tremors from her body invaded his peace. His eyes on her face, he could see and feel contentment radiating from her. She was staring at him but she wasn't seeing him, there were too many stars in her eyes her to see anything.

He moved to his side taking her body along, tenderly pushing her head on his chest. As their heartbeats quieted, they lay entwined in each other's arms, hands resting on moist skin. Chakotay brushed Kathryn's hair back from her face and kissed her gently on the forehead.

"Good morning, Captain."

"Yes Commander, a very good morning" and she started laughing.

He looked into her face before asking "Just happiness or euphoria again"

"About a lot of both, love. God Chakotay. Who taught you to make love? You're incredible, the best lover in the universe…."

"Just you Kathryn, you inspire me. It's never been like that for me either." He dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose. "Truth be told, I told you beloved, my traditions and my beliefs are not only about vision quests."

"Explain it to me."

"You see, as children we are taught behaviour and rituals to learn to be part of a community. Later, as adolescents, we are taught how to tame a wild animal, how to speak to our animal guide and how to give pleasure. It's all about finding spirituality in your actions."

She looked at him puzzled. "What do you mean, finding spirituality?"

"With an animal for example, you have to empty your mind and try to reach his, then you offer him your heart and wait for his in return. Only then can the taming start and it's kind of both ways. I know it sounds strange but it works. It's just hard to explain."

She saw sadness veil his eyes as he spoke again. "I've missed so much of the teaching and lost so much time. I know so little compare to what I don't know.

She lifted herself on his chest to kiss his lips before saying: "I wish I could give it back to you. I want to give you everything you desire."

"And I want to give you everything you want."

She sniggered at him. "I'd say you gave it to me last night… and this morning again."

He hugged her crushing her against him. "I love you Katherine Janeway."

"And I love you Chakotay… but we better move my love or we'll be late for our shift. About we go to the mess hall and have a nice breakfast together. A perfect breakfast to start a perfect day."

Chakotay chuckled a little. "And will you be joining me from your cloud?"

She smiled at him, happiness glowing on her face. "Only if you join me in the shower…." And on those words she got up and moved towards the bathroom, stopping for a moment at the door and enticing him with a very inviting smile.

* * *

The bridge crew was actually surprised to see the command team on time for the Alpha shift. After all they could have indulged themselves a little, they had been on duty during the gamma shift.

They came on the bridge, a spring in their steps, smiling to everyone. Any idiot could see something huge happened between them and a bigger idiot wouldn't guess what.

"Good morning everyone. Status Harry."

Harry stood from the command chair handing her a padd. His captain was glowing… she was even more beautiful. Chakotay's dimples were going full strength.

_They look good together_. He thought then spoke up. "Nothing to report Captain. It was a quiet shift. Still on course at Warp 6."

"Thank you Harry. You are relieved of duty. Have a nice night Harry,"

"Thank you Captain and a good day to you."

Harry glance at Tom obviously, his eyes asking the pilot for a report of his own when he was back on duty. Kathryn coughed to disguise the laugh she felt coming up from the two men's shared looks.

She glimpsed at Chakotay who was smiling too. Kathryn felt incredibly good. She was ready to take on the world, felt like having fun and who better to have fun with then…

"So Mr. Parris. How much did you make on the betting pool…"

Tom turned around. "Captain?".

"Come on Tom. First announcement, first public kiss, first hug… lots of bets were settled last night."

Tom failed miserably at trying to look as if he didn't know what she was talking about. She heard Chakotay chuckle a little and saw him cover it with a slight wave of his hand over his mouth. He knew she was playing and having a great time at it.

"Bets… Captain?"

"Yes Tom, you didn't really think I wasn't aware of the betting pool, did you? You should know a good Captain always makes a point of knowing everything happening on his ship… and I do mean everything, Tom."

Tom knew when to give up.

"Captain, I assure you…. It's not… " He was flustered… very flustered.

Katherine Janeway wasn't known as a cruel woman, however in the case of Tom Paris, she utterly enjoyed making him squirm. She decided to let him stew a little longer in his proverbial juices.

A very serious Captain ordered: "Mr. Paris. Please go to my ready room and wait for me there. Mr. Tuvok, if you don't mind, I'd like for you to accompany him. Commander I'd like a minute of your time before we joined them."

Chakotay looked at the tense shoulders on Tom's back and looked over at his Captain. He leaned over and whispered to her.

"Captain… are you going to disciplined him?"

Katherine grinned, totally distracted. "Funny, my title doesn't sound the same anymore. It's sounds lovely now."

"Katherine, behave. We're on the bridge. No flirting. Tom?"

Still whispering Katherine answered. "Yes Tom. You see Commander, I feel very catish this morning and I believe I just found a big fat mouse."

Chakotay laughed. "Are you bored Captain? Only when you're bored do you look for distraction… in this case a big fat mouse. Am I boring you, Katherine." The look on his face betrayed his words, he was smiling, dimples loaded full strength.

"Never Commander, you know it. I'm just happy and I feel like having fun, so if you have no further objections, please join me in my ready room. I believe my mouse is already sweating bullets."

As the Captain and Commander entered the room, Tom turned to them stuttering.

"Captain… about the betting pool, I apolog…"

Katherine interrupted him with icy stare and a severe tone of voice. "Mr. Parris, your behaviour is appalling. Betting on your superior officers' personal life. Do you have any idea how it undermines my authority.

Tom lowered his head looking at the floor, his face showing total defeat. "Yes Captain."

"And far from me to encourage this behaviour, but just for this once, I'd like to partake on that betting pool. You see I will need lots rations soon. You know the dress, the shoes, the food…"

Tom gave her a puzzled look having no ideas what she was talking about. "Captain?"

"I'll put 6 months rations on a wedding ceremony in 1 month from today."

The shock showing on Tom's face only equalled the one on Chakotay… Tuvok being the ultimate Vulcan didn't even move an eyebrow. Kathryn went on as if she said nothing out of the ordinary.

"As I can't, for obvious reasons officiate, Tuvok, I'll transfer command to you and would appreciate if I could count on you to perform the ceremony…"

Chakotay had taken her hand in his, squeezing it. Keeping his hand in hers, she looked up at Tuvok, waiting for his answer.

"I would welcome the privilege of marrying you and the Commander." Tuvok was delighted obviously… as delighted as a Vulcan could be, which didn't show much, but Katherine knew him well… He was delighted.

Turning her attention back to Chakotay, she whispered to him.

"Your wish is my command my love, you wanted to marry me, you will. We need 1 month to get permission from Starfleet, get everything ready for the reception, my dress… you know the usual…"

He whispered back to her. "Kathryn… I could kiss you senseless right now." She squeezed his hand in return.

"Not now, my love, not in front of the mouse…"

Tom shaking Chakotay's hand and kissing his Captain on both cheeks cut the exchange short.

"Congratulations, Sirs." Slapping Chakotay on the arm. "Good work Commander. Patience pays off I guess. Wait until B'Elanna hears..."

Chakotay cuts in. "Tom. You know how I feel about B'Elanna; she's my oldest friend, almost a sister to me. Would you mind not telling her? I'd like to tell her myself."

Kathryn jumped into the conversation. "Actually boys"

They both looked at her with surprise. She was really in a good mood today.

"If you don't mind Chakotay, could we tell her together? I was thinking of asking her to be my maid of honour. I wanted to do it before making a general announcement"

She gave them a blindingly beautiful smile that stunned both men. "If I could I'd announce it to the whole quadrant."

Still dazed by her smile, Chakotay put an arm around her shoulder. "It's a wonderful idea. B'Elanna will be happy to be your maid of honour, I'm sure."

Tom added. "Yeah… Actually she could have been your best man too…" he laughed a little. "Think of the bachelor party she could throw for you."

"I guess I could ask her husband then. Will you stand by my side when I marry this amazing woman, Tom?"

The request moved Tom more then he would admit. They had come a long way from the time Chakotay thought of him as nothing more then a mercenary. He stood straight at attention and answered looking Chakotay straight in the eyes.

"It would be an honour Commander."

Kathryn looked at them both. "It's your call Chakotay… but Tom… no and I mean 'NO' strippers."

Tuvok congratulated their command team, too happy to finally see the happiness in both their Captain and First Officer. They all went back to the bridge. The atmosphere was joyful and relaxed. The lovebirds were like teenagers, blushing and exchanging heated looks when they thought no one would notice.

* * *

B'Elanna was asked to join the Captain and Commander in her ready room and as expected the upcoming wedding delighted her. She jumped in Chakotay's arms and squeezed him in a hug.

"By Kahless, Chak. That's wonderful. You must be so happy. You've waited for so long…"

She stopped herself, feeling a bit embarrassed in front of the Captain.

Katherine's smile put her at ease. "It's ok B'Elanna, everything is settled between me and the Commander. Actually I wanted to ask you if you would be my maid of honour. After all we'll be in laws in some way, you being Chakotay's little sister."

"I would love to Captain. I can't believe it. You and the big guy… That's wonderful, just wonderful. When is the wedding?"

"About one month."

"Wow, doesn't give us much time, Captain. Ceremony to plan, your dress…" She was in planning mode. Taking out a pad, her fingers started flying over it, making notes. "I'll throw you the best shower… and we have to do something about both your quarters… so many things to do."

B'Elanna didn't even think of waiting for the Captain's dismissal, she was out of the room her fingers kept clicking on a pad.

As the door closed behind the chief engineer, Kathryn said, "Dismissed, Lieutenant!"

She heard Chakotay laugh behind her, his arms coming around her in a loving embrace, his lips teasing the skin on the side of her neck and her obliging him, settling deeper between his arms.

"Nice setting in motion Kathryn. I wonder what the Klingon equivalent of a bridal shower is."

The vibration of his voice on his lips delighted her and she joined him in laughter before replying. "Just hope it doesn't involve a B'atleth,"


	8. Chapter 8

I'd appreciate some reviews. Tell me what you like, what you don't. Suggestions in directions are welcome. I would not feel obligated to include them and it might be hard as you don't know where this story is going... but they are very welcome.

**This is RATED M for language.**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Kathryn was sitting in the mess hall, lost in her thoughts, waiting for Chakotay who was finishing a few things in his office.

Life was good. Life was great… better than great. Surprisingly, Starfleet had no quarrel with her marrying Chakotay. She presented every argument in her favour. He wasn't Starfleet when they met; he was a Captain in his own right, thus same rank, he was demoted solely because of circumstances. They kept the command structure intact even thought their feelings for one another grew stronger with time. She went through every argument in her book, including that they were still decades from home and logically Naomi could not be left alone to command Voyager.

She stopped her musing giggling softly.

_Maybe Chakotay is right, I do justify situation to fit my purpose. I wish I'd have justified this decision much earlier. The time I squandered… such a waste._

Bringing her mind back to Startfleet, she remembered that in the end the admiral answered that their situation being what it was, he understood the need for the crew to coupled, being so far from home and that he saw no reason to withhold his permission. And that was it.

She smiled to herself. Life was great indeed.

They were a couple for three weeks now. Three… glorious, incredible, love filled weeks… three weeks of sharing his life, of arguing, discussing and laughing with him. The love was incredible and the sex was even better. She enjoyed every minutes she spent with Chakotay… Three weeks ago their lives became a bubble of peaceful ecstasy. They didn't feel very sociable but it seemed the crew didn't mind. It seemed everyone agreed that it was their time now… for a little while.

She had always been attracted to the man but now she was enthralled with him. As the Captain, she came to depend on her first officer. The trust and respect she developed for him professionally was unlike anything she'd experienced with any other officer. Chakotay's unfailing loyalty, his kindness and compassion, his sense of humour and gentle personality, and, above all, his beautiful smile kept her going each and every day. Her first officer had been a pillar of strength in the face of unbearable command pressure.

Now, she discovered him as a man, the beloved man was her spirit, her soul. Sides of him were coming to light. His subdued protectiveness of the first years was now on the verge of constant dotting. His romantic nature, the peace she felt from him, a quiet yet strong serenity that grounded her. He was beautiful inside and out.

Discovering new idiosyncrasies delighted her. He woke up very slowly, his skin warm and soft from sleep; he would always reach for her body and cuddle before opening his eyes… He was a delight to wake up to.

He loved having her hands play in his hair, he would purr with pleasure whenever he'd feel her nails grazing his scalp. Very thoughtful, he would showered her with little attentions, a flower on her pillow, card on her desk reminding her of the night before or promises for the coming one. She relished in the way he was answering to her physically, she could arouse him with a mere look that would send him running after her, having his delicious way with her body.

She loved everything about him. His quiet strength, his wicked sense of humour and to her dismay, his sense of being just silly. She discovered that side of him in the Da Vinci program. She told him that even though she wasn't a serious artist; she would love for him to pose for her. He showed up dress in a clown's outfit, yellow wig, red nose, big shoes and all. He told her he thought this was the only way to dress for none serious artists.

After the initial surprise, she laughed so hard, her sides hurt. She smiled every time she thought about that afternoon, her first time making love to a clown and some very pleasurable uses of a big red round nose.

She loved him more than she thought possible and in one week from now they were to be married. Life was more than great. Their quarters were starting to take shape. With the added space, she gained back a formal dining room, the bedroom kept pretty much the same dimension, as for the living area, they were also the same, except for his collection of stone in the corner and his possessions scattered throughout their quarters. She had an office and so did he.

She would have preferred they shared the office space… as she secretly hoped they would turn his office into a nursery one day. They had not really talked about children. She knew he wanted children. This was very important to him, that was just his nature but even more because so many of his people died at the hand of the Cardassians… children were so important to perpetuate the tribe and their beliefs.

She wanted children one day. In the last few years, being with Naomi reminded her how much she wanted children of her own and she wanted Chakotay's children even more. They'd have to think about it soon, her age was not an impediment yet, but to wait much longer was risky.

The night after their first night together, as they were in bed, Kathryn stopped in the middle of a kiss. She looked at him a panic look on her face, telling him she had not renewed her annual boosters for years and forgotten about it. He gave her a monster of a tender smile and told her he hadn't either and he too forgot about it. The exchange concluded in the most heart wrenching love making to date.

Chakotay stilled inside her and whispered that he hoped for a little girl that would resemble her mother and that was the extent of their conversation about children. Yep… once things were settled they would discuss it with the doctor. She still thought that second office would look much better as a nursery…

"Hailing Captain Janeway, Come in Janeway."

Janeway pulled herself out of her reverie and only to realise that B'Elanna was standing by the table, a tray in her hand.

"Mind if I join you Captain" the young Klingon ask with a smile.

"Please B'Elanna, sit down. Actually I'm glad you're here, I need your help with something." Coming back to reality and the dilemma that was on her mind since he asked her to marry him.

"I'll be glad to help you if I can, Captain"

"Please B'Elanna, call me Kathryn, we are off duty and I'm marrying your brother sort of say. I think of you as a friend… so please call me Kathryn."

"I think of you as a friend also Kathryn. So how can I help you?"

Kathryn looks at her with a smile. "You know what… It just came to me. I miss having a girlfriend to talk to, my dearest friends onboard are man and there are some things they are just not into. Could you see me asking Tuvok if he likes the colour of my nail polish…"

That made them laugh before B'Elanna answered back. : "I know. I miss it too. The girlfriend to talk about anything and everything with. I never realised how important that kind of friendship was."

Kathryn took her hand. "Would you mind being promoted to girlfriend of the Captain, B'Elanna."

B'Elanna's eyes lightened. "It would be an honour. Let's start right now. What did you want to talk to me about?"

Kathryn gave the engineer's hand a little squeeze, before speaking again. "It's my wedding gift to Chakotay. I can't make up my mind. Actually, nothing I can think of is good enough for him."

"What do you mean" B'Elanna was a bit confused.

"He's just the most wonderful man in the universe and I want my gift to reflect that. I wish I could give him the universe, but I can't… so… I don't know",

Kathryn laughed at the surprise on B'Elanna's face.

"I know, I don't recognize myself either. I usually don't act that way… I don't know what's happening to me. The only reason I can come up with is I'm in love, truly in love, for the very first time…" Her eyes were sparkling, her lips spread in a large smile. No one could ever doubt she loved Chakotay.

B'Elanna put her hand on Kathryn's "You already have, YOU are his universe. I've never seen him this happy. It's like he's glowing… Now don't tell him I said that or he's going to think I'm making fun of him or that it would ruin his tough guy image... But honestly, he's glowing and so are you."

Kathryn laughed softly. "I know, it's like too much to keep it all bottle inside. It has to come out every pores of my skin. I feel like I'm glowing." She was giggling now.

B'Elanna was having a great time looking at her Captain. Tom would never believe her when she'd tell him. The Captain giggling. This was a riot. Her attention went back to Kathryn.

"What about the wedding ring. You could have something engraved in it, something with a special meaning."

"I've thought of that, and I already have the wedding ring. I want something more, something special… something… I can't find it… something spiritual."

It gave B'Elanna an idea. "About doing something of his faith, a ritual of some sort, or a vision quest with him… It would show him your care about his people and his traditions."

Kathryn's face light up. "That's a wonderful idea B'Elanna. I'm sure I could find something in the database. Maybe even…."

Kathryn's words died on her lips, her gaze fixed on something behind B'Elanna who turned around to see Chakotay coming their way, his eyes riveted to the Captain's. They shared a lover's smile.

_They ARE glowing._ B'Elanna thought to herself.

He walked up to the table and sat down at Kathryn's side.

"Hello B'Elanna." Putting his arms around Kathryn's shoulders, he kissed her temple. "Hello beloved."

She took his hand in hers and kissed his lips furtively. "Hello my love"

B'Elanna was now standing up. "I can see when I'm not needed. I'll see you around, Chak, Captain." B'Elanna moved away to join Harry at another table.

Kathryn's attention was brought back to Chakotay when she heard him laugh.

"Should I be worry about you two plotting against me, or should I look forward to the surprise."

"We were not…"

He cut her words. "Don't even try... I know B'Elanna and I know you too…"

She laughed. "You don't have to worry, honey. I only do it for good, never for evil,"

"Keep on calling me honey and you can plot as much as you want, for good… or evil." The grin on his face and the little golden spark in his eyes gave a brand new meaning to the word evil.

"I'll do my worse… Honey"

* * *

A few hours later, Kathryn was in her ready room addressing ships business. She got up to replicate herself another cup of coffee. The thought of her upcoming wedding brought a smile to her lips. Everything was shaping up perfectly; she thought of everything before making the announcement… she even considered her menstrual cycle when setting the date for the weeding….

Her breath got caught in her throat. _GOD! I'm late._

She could usually set a calendar by her monthly cycle, 29 days on the dot and that was three days ago. She had been too busy to notice right away, but she was never late, she could set her watch on her cycle… not once late... in her life. Her heart swelled.

_A baby… I might be pregnant. _

She shook herself… _No impossible, I couldn't get pregnant this fast at my age. I mean the man is potent, but there's potent and there's… potent. But then we've been going at it like rabbits. That might not be it… It could be nerves screwing with my cycle. It could even be early menopause._

The idea saddened her and she refuse to linger on it. Her hand went to her flat stomach… wondering.

_Are you in here little one? _

She almost laughed to herself and walked to the door… then stopped dead in her tracks… She couldn't go to sickbay now she'd have to tell Chakotay why.

_I can't tell him._ She didn't want to disappoint him, give him false hope. She needed to see the doctor without Chakotay knowing and that was going to be tricky…

"Janeway to sickbay" Kathryn started pacing the floor.

"Good morning Captain, what can I do for you."

"Good morning Doctor. I need you to call me."

"Captain? You just called me yourself."

"No, Doctor, I need you to ask me to sickbay, from the bridge with a good enough excuse that Chakotay won't question me or offer to come with me."

"Captain, could you state the nature…"

"I would rather tell you in person."

She heard the doctor sigh then spoke again as if talking to a difficult child.

"Not that easy Captain, considering you usually do your best to stay away from sickbay and the fact that you were here last week for a medical before your upcoming wedding… it limits the number of excuses I could come up with.

"Think Doctor, please try."

"Anything I can think of would make him suspicious and you'd have to come up with a really good explanation after your visit here. If you would tell me why you want to see me that could help."

"But I want to talk to you in person, not through the comm system." Kathryn was getting annoyed. "Please, I'll leave it with you… I'm sure you'll come up with something brilliant. I trust you Doctor. You call me in 30 minutes sharp on the bridge… Janeway Out."

"But Captain…" The comm link was cut before he could add another word. Captains could be so annoying. Most CMO complained about that fact.

A little under 30 minutes of not concentrating on her work, Kathryn thought a break would be believable right now. She came out of her ready room. Chakotay got up and sat in his chair, looking at her as she walked towards him, the look he gave her was incredibly sexy. She missed a step from the onslaught of the memories of times she'd seen that look on his face. She sat down in the command chair, gently took his hand and gave it a small squeeze, before letting it go.

They both noticed Tom looking at them.

"Eyes on the road Mr. Paris, eyes on the road"

"Yes… Captain…"

They were interrupted by the comm system.

"Sickbay to Janeway"

"Janeway here. Good day Doctor. What can I do for you?"

"Captain, as things seemed to be quiet these days, would you mind coming down to sickbay to discuss some of the change I'd like to make to the Emergency Command Hologram. I've come up with some ideas to improve it and would like your approval before proceeding."

_He has come through… this is perfect… our Doctor is a genius. _

Lowering her voice and bending towards Chakotay, Kathryn whispered. "We should consider ourselves lucky that he asked, he has not been that considerate in the past, I can think of a few times I wished he had."

Chakotay whispered to her in a smile. "And Spirit knows our doctor can be creative sometimes, better check on him."

Straightening up in her chair, Kathryn answered.

"On my way Doctor. Janeway out." Getting up she added. "Commander you have the bridge. I'll be in sickbay."

"Aye Captain."

Coming into sickbay, Kathryn spotted the Doctor in his office. Sickbay was deserted.

"That was perfect Doctor. I knew I could count on you. Chakotay actually advise me to come down."

"I'm glad you approve. If you would not mind now, would you sit here and tell me what you want me to check, Captain"

"First, I want to stress this conversation begins and ends here, the two of us and that's it."

The doctor's face reflected outrage… "Captain, there is such a thing as confidentiality…"

She cut him off. "I think I'm pregnant."

The doctor was speechless for a second and he exploded. "That's wonderful, Captain. You must be so happy and the Commander too. That is truly wonderful. We're going to have a baby.

Kathryn was tickled: "We?"

The Doctor was adamant. "I might not have taken part in the conception, but I'll be by your side to monitor every aspect of this pregnancy. In fact, you can count on me before, during and after the birth."

Kathryn groaned inwardly. _Before, during and after. Talk about a thorn in my side. He's going to be a pain, I'm sure of it._

The EMH was grabbing instruments before coming back to the biobed.

"Far from me to doubt your diagnostic, but if you don't mind, I would rather check for myself Captain. Please lie down; it will only take a moment."

She cried when the doctor told her she was expecting. He was so happy to be confirming what she obviously was hoping for. She hugged him over and over, the news too big to be contained within herself. Again, she swore him to secrecy.

"But naturally you are going to inform the Commander." He asked puzzled by her request.

"No… No… please… especially not the Commander. I want it to be part of his wedding gift. Only six days Doctor, in 6 days I tell him… I promise. I want the moment when I tell him to be perfect…"

"Ah… romance. I know the perfect musical piece to set the mood, it's almost angelic…"

"Thank you Doctor for the suggestion… But I've got everything plan. It will be part of another gift to him… my wedding gift to him… but much more than that, if everything goes well."

"Considering you're getting married in one week, I expect you back with the Commander in two, Captain. The three of us will have a lot to discuss, and I'll run a few more tests.

"Yes Doctor, I'll be here in two weeks."

"Would you like to know about the sex of the baby."

Kathryn thought about it for a second. "No… Chakotay…"

Her baby, a boy or a girl, yes… Chakotay had to be here for that… Did he even want to know the sex of the baby?

"Of course, you'd want to discuss it with the Commander. In the meantime, I would suggest a better diet, including rest in your routine…

"Yes Doctor, whatever you say."

Oblivious to the Doctor, the shock of the news rendered Captain Janeway totally… agreeable. He looked at his Captain. She was on her cloud and nothing he could say would rattle her. Maybe this was the perfect opportunity to discuss the coffee situation. He knew that battle was not won yet.

"Talking about better diet Captain. Coffee intake to be precise… "

* * *

That night, Kathryn was pacing her quarters. Chakotay was pulling a double shift and thank God for small favour. It took her hours, hidden in her ready room, to come down from her happy cloud. He would have suspected something, had he spent the evening alone with her. As it was, she would be asleep by the time his shift end, and alpha shift was hers alone. Good. It was hard enough keeping the news from anyone else she never thought it would be that hard to keep a secret from him.

This was the perfect time to set things in motion for his wedding gift. She still felt horribly torn about what she was about to do… in fact there were no excuses for what she was going to do… yet she was going to do it because she loved Chakotay so much, no rules applied, no boundaries.

_Hum… how does one call an omnipotent being somewhere in the Universe? Do I rub a lamp or what?_

She laughed at herself. "Q... you omnipotent you. I need to talk to you." She was getting into the absurdity of her action. "Kathryn calling Q. Over" "Kathryn to Q, 10-04. Hailing Q, come in Q."

Q appeared in a flash. "Kathryn my love. Never thought I would see the day you were calling for me." Lifting a hand to stop her from saying a word. "I know what you want Kathryn, and I'm sorry to say you're too late to claim me, my love. My mate would not take lightly if I was to become involved with you".

"In your dreams Q. Now listen… Because you've been such a pest in the past and because if you recall you owe me the pleasure of being a father… I need a major… unimaginable… something you would never expect from me… type of favour. I had to fight myself to ask, it goes against everything I know and I have a huge philosophic debate with myself… There's also the fact that I think it's just the kind of favour you would do for me… for the possibility of messing up our lives."

Q's face light up with interest "My Captain, I would never…"

"Put a sock in it Q. I know and you know that if I were to ask you to bring us back to the Alpha Quadrant or something similar, you'd refuse in a flash. No… what I have in mind is for Chakotay."

Q's was dumbfounded… "You want me to do something for Chuckles."

"No… For me Q. For ME. It's something I want to give him. So you do the favour for me and I give it to Chakotay. Understood? It has to be that way."

"Semantic, Kathryn. You still want me to do something that ultimately will result in something nice for Chuckles."

"Stop calling him Chuckles if you want to be able to reproduce again. I'll break all your fingers… I don't want you to call him Chuckles, EVER AGAIN. Am I making myself clear?"

Her closed fist on her hips and gave him the death glare… no so much because she thought it would have any effect on him, but rather because she was getting annoyed with the way he was talking about the man she loved.

"Like crystal Captain." Q knew how far he could push his favourite pet.

"Chakotay is the man I love." She couldn't keep her lips from spreading into a smile at the mention of his name. God, she loved just being able to say so. "He's going to be my husband and if you can't get through your thick skull that I don't appreciate the way you talk about him, then we're through. His name is Cha-ko-tay."

"It must be your time of the month as they say on your planet, my Captain."

Her arms fell on the side of her body and then lifted as if you take the sky as a witness.

"Argh. I give up. Q, you infuriate me sometimes more than anyone species in this universe, including the Borg and the Vidians. Lets cut to the chase, Will you or will you not do me this favour. I don't want to argue with you about who it serves in the end."

"Tell me what it is first and I'll see." And Q sat down to listen to the only human in the universe he could be nice too… if he really wanted to… he guessed.


	9. Chapter 9

I'll be leaving town for the 4 day Easter weekend. If I have time you'll be getting a chapter tomorrow, if not it won't be before next Monday night. Hope that chapter 10 will make up for the waiting.

Review are always welcome. Please tell me if you enjoy or if you are rather angry at what Katherine requested from Q.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

"Kathryn. I'm home honey." Chakotay yelled as he came into their quarters. What started as a joke, were now words he loved to say. There was an amazing quality to these words, knowing that he had Kathryn to go home to. He wasn't alone in the universe anymore. That thought always put a grin on his face.

The object of his love came in the living area with a smile on her face and a gentle kiss for him. "Hum… I missed you my love." He said.

She put her arms around his neck and hugged him to her.

"You did? Not the whole 15 minutes you were gone." She said her eyes full of humour.

"Yes… for the whole 15 minutes." He said as he covered her lips with his in a devoring kiss. Lifting his head he added. "Mind telling me why, when I got to the Bridge, I was dismissed by Tuvok. He told me that my three-day leave was changed to a four-day leave, starting this morning… Care to explain, Captain."

A strange expression covered Kathryn's face, part doubt, part fear, but her eyes were full of love.

"Always remember Chakotay how much I love you. I never want to hurt you and if in my good intentions I do, you'll have to remember that I did it out of love."

Chakotay pushed her away, his hands resting on her shoulders, he looked into her eyes. She kept her eyes lowered.

"I really want to do this for you and hope you won't be hurt by it… I want it to be a source of joy and not of sorrow over what you lost."

Chakotay started to worry. "What is it my love." He kept her at arms length; she felt his hand on her shoulders tensing. "Is there something wrong with you, Kathryn?" He could feel the panic rising in him. _What if… _

"Oh no. I'm sorry… No… No… I'm fine, I'm more than fine." She added in a smile, holding him to her. His arms went around her waist in a bear hug.

"Please don't do this to me. Now that I have you in my life, I'm terribly afraid of losing you, my love. You scared the hell out of me." She still didn't look him in the eyes. "What is it, Kathryn. Just come out with it, it will be simpler, I'm sure my imagination is doing far worse than what you have to tell me."

Her hands were folded against his chest and her eyes were on her ring. "You know I've been trying to come up with the perfect wedding gift for you."

"Is that what it is all about… the ring…" Chakotay started.

She interrupted him with a finger on his lips. "I don't want to look for a ring as special as the one you gave me. It would be like competing to outdo yours and I don't want to compete… I don't want to compare my ring with yours, my love with yours, because that would mean quantifying something you gave me with your heart… it would be putting bounds on our love and I could not do that, I don't want to do that, and…" as if making her decision on the spot, Kathryn went to the bedroom and came back a few seconds later holding a small box in her hand. "I was going to give it to you tomorrow, before the wedding, but… Here… "

She took his hand, turned it palm up in hers and deposited a small box in the center of it. Chakotay opened the box and took the golden band out of it. "I had it fitted for you. There's an inscription in the inside." He heard her say.

Chakotay found the words engraved on the inside. "To my love, with all my love, forever".

"Kathryn" he whispered.

She interrupted him again. "Wait… you have to know, it's not exactly from me." She locked her eyes to his. "It was my father. Mother gave it to me to give to the man I would choose. She told me she hoped that one day I would meet someone that would make this inscription mine as well as hers. She hoped this ring will be pass through generations, the inscription being truthful for every bearer."

Chakotay was deeply moved by the gift. He almost felt as if he had her parents' approval through that ring.

"I'm honoured that you trust me with this ring. I will wear it with pride. My love, Kathryn, is yours… forever." Chakotay remembereding the worried look she had when he came in said. "I don't understand, why would you be afraid I'd be hurt to wear your father's ring".

"That's not it, Chakotay. I was not worried about the ring… As I said, I tried to give you the perfect wedding gift."

"You don't…" Chakotay started to say…

"No, I know I don't have to give you something" she interrupted. "But I wanted to. I wanted to give you something that would show you how much I love you. I want to give you all you want, all you deserve, the whole universe in the palm of your hand." She took his hand in hers, then let go of it and pulled away from him. She started walking back and forth in front of him.

"Last week, I went to our database to go through what I could find on your culture, looking for something that would make the perfect wedding gift, that would express that I not only respect your faith, but would also like to share it."

He felt a great amount of respect and gratitude for this woman. He brought his attention back to what she was saying.

"I only found very general information about your people's belief. I found very little on your rituals and how to perform them."

Chakotay felt humbled that she would do the research to know his culture better.

"Most of our rituals are private. You know… Like there's very little written about animal guides as we don't talk them and yet they are a huge part of my beliefs."

Katherine stopped pacing the floor to take his hand in reassurance. "I also found out that there are a few rituals you can't ever have because you need to go through them with your father or grandfather. It has to do with the line and memories of your family. I'm not sure I understood everything but it gave me an idea for…." He felt her hesitation. She spoke again in a whisper, almost with… reverence in her tone. "… and there's also another ritual that has to do with binding a man and a woman, sharing energy and I wanted to have that with you… I wanted to be one with you in my faith and in yours. But your father or an elder is supposed to oversee the bonding ritual."

Chakotay stopped her. "I know of these rituals, I don't have the knowledge to perform them… there is so much I'm missing. I've come to my faith too late and the elders are so few and so far. But know this Kathryn, we are one and…" She didn't let him finish.

"Not like what I read… It could be even stronger."

There was doubt in his eyes. He could never have stronger feelings for her, it was impossible. He let her pursue.

"I know how much you miss your father. I know there are many things you never got to tell him and ask of him. I felt sad that you could not have this ritual and many others, because he was taken away from you before you both had the chance…"

"It happens, Kathryn, not all people of my faith get through all the rituals. Life happens, lines get broken. I thank the Spirits everyday for what I have from my father, even if it seems too little. But… Kathryn…"

She silenced him again. "Let me finish, love, please."

He did as she asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before she started pacing again. Chakotay felt is heart swell; if it was possible he loved her even more. She wanted to know about his traditions; his beliefs and she felt his loss. Kathryn's voice brought him back to her. "Just remember… I love you"

Turning around towards their bedroom she spoke. "You can come in now"

Shock took over Chakotay's body. How could it be? Impossible. He looked at a half smiling Kathryn. "There's an explanation…" she said.

He had to regroup, find his centre… No… his eyes were deceiving him. His father was standing in the entrance from the bedroom. He backed up until his body hit the wall.

_Put my head between my legs, that's it. I'm hallucinating… my crazy gene… Oh, please Spirits, not now… not him._

Chakotay's knees gave way from under him and he let his body slide until he was sitting on the floor. He rested his forehead on his knees, trying to get a grasp on reality. He heard Kathryn's voice coming through a thick fog.

"Chakotay… my love…"

Then the most amazing thing happened… He heard his father's voice saying… "If you don't believe your ears or your eyes, my son, believe your heart and the gift the Spirits are giving us this day."

Chakotay still could not lift his head to look at them. Another voice rang in the cabin.

"Leave the Spirits out of it. This is from me Chuckles, only because Kathryn asked me…"

Kathryn growled. "Q… I said…"

"So this is from her. I'll never understand why she would love you when could have had me, an omnipotent being. Humans are so very peculiar..." Looking at Kathryn, he turned to Chakotay whose forehead was still leaning on his knees.

"She asked me to help with your wedding gift. She actually asked for both your father and grandfather, but I could not give her that much. She's a little greedy thing when it comes to you."

He should have known Q was involved in this. Finally lifting his head from his knees, Chakotay looked at Kathryn then at his father and finally he looked up at Q.

"Is he real?"

Q laughed. "So much like you Chuckles… He is as real as I am." Becoming serious Q added. "But he's not back forever. He would have been if it was for your Captain, but after extended negotiations, we agreed on one day. You have this day and this day only. I'm already making some sort of reputation with that one… I'll be Saint Q soon, so let's not go overboard with this."

Q turned around facing Kathryn still addressing Chakotay. "You should know Kathryn is very good at making me feel like I owed her…" Speaking to Kathryn he declared. "So my dear Captain… My debt is repaid and you can't hold my son against me ever again. As agreed, I will be back tonight to take this gentleman back." And in a flash of light he disappeared.

Chakotay's eyes went back to the man imbedded in his memory moving them to his Fiancée.

"Kathryn…"

His father interrupted him this time. "Chakotay, are you going to stay on your butt all day, not believing your eyes or do I get a hug from my son."

By now Kathryn was kneeling at his side. With teary eyes she said. "Remember my love, you showed me, no boundaries to your love. Let me show you there are none to mine."

That was enough for Chakotay. He could address his doubts later, asked her all the questions popping through his mind, but right now he was not going to lose one minute of the precious time that was given to him. He would indulge himself in the fantasy if this were all it was. He stood up on shaky legs and walk to Kolopak, embracing him. He heard his father's whisper in his ears…

"Chakotay… my son, my son… Oh, my dear son."

Chakotay pulled away and look into his father's teary eyes.

"Dad… I missed you so much."

Tears of happiness running down their faces, they were holding onto one another, hands slapping backs, hugging, kissing and enjoying the physical contact. They stayed like that for several long minutes, just happy to touch, be touched again.

"I'm sorry…. But… We…" She couldn't speak through the sobs shaking her body. She was so happy for him; she was giddy with happiness, enveloped in a bubble of exultation.

_Damn hormones, they're already starting to turn me into a mess._

Addressing Chakotay she said. "Do you like your wedding gift, Sweetheart?"

Chakotay look at his father's face, inches from his, his eyes, his smile, yes that was Kolopak. He then turned around to his soon-to-be wife, still crying.

"It's… you are… I…" He started laughing, the most beautiful sound she ever heard from him, as if the laugh liberated him.

"Euphoria, my love?"

He went to her and gave her an adoring kiss. "Euphoria is too tame a word to express what I feel. Thank you Kathryn… I can't believe…" He turned around to hug his father once more.

When she found her voice, Kathryn told him in a teary smile. "We don't have much time Chakotay. About 14 hours, that's all I could get. I have lots of things planned for all of us, and just for the two of you".

Chakotay gave her a questioning look. Kathryn kissed him lightly before speaking again.

"You'll just have to go along; I have a few surprises for you. Let's just say it's a package deal wedding gift. As for now, why don't we sit down and enjoy our breakfast. You can sit with your father while I'm putting the last touch to our meal."

Chakotay returned her kiss and laughed. "Another surprise, you're cooking?"

She slapped him on the arm playfully. "Don't start with me Mister… Go away and let me finish this."

Chakotay took his father's arm and led him to the couch were they sat down and started talking both at once.

"Tell me about…"

"Father… I…"

They laughed at their mutual impatience. Kolopak started again.

"Tell me about yourself, the things you did since I saw you last" and he added," and please tell me about this delightful woman you found." He said looking up at a smiling Kathryn holding a plate against her chest, looking at both of them with a world of tenderness in her expression.

Chakotay looked at her. His heart couldn't contain all the love he felt for her, but there would be plenty of time to tell her, now he was going to devote every minute of his time to catch up with his father. Chakotay started telling his father about the aftermath of the Cardassian attack, the Maquis, the Caretaker and his time on Voyager. Kathryn interrupted them when the food was ready.

"You'll have time to tell him everything later Sweetie… both of you come and join me. I have another surprise." She had Chakotay sit in front of her, Kolopak sitting between them.

The table was beautiful. Kathryn made great effort in choosing every detail. This was after all, her only opportunity to make a good impression on her father in law. There were flowers and candles on the table… Beautiful champagne flute, nice porcelain plates and Neelix had helped in composing the menu into a mix of traditional Dorvan V dishes and some of Earth's best recipes. She even had a practice run with the replicator for each dish. Everything was going to be perfect.

"Chakotay… I would like to tell you about some of what I planned." She said taking his hand in hers. "I've already talked with Kolopak and got time on the holodeck for your father and you… the entire day… Actually, let me go in order here. " She added in a little laugh. "The three of us will enjoy this nice breakfast, then you will go to the holodeck while I'll stay here and get myself ready for tonight. When I decided on your gift I wanted to give you back what you lost, namely your faith. You have the opportunity to learn everything your father didn't have time to teach you. He might not have the time to teach you all the rituals of your faith in such a short time, but at least it will give you something to start with. Is this all right with you so far."

"Yes, dear" His eyes locked onto hers.

Kolopak laughed them out of their reverie.

"Chakotay my boy, you have changed… a great deal. – 'Yes, dear'" – he mimicked "you must have a special power over him Kathryn. I've never known him to be so… hum… docile."

Kathryn answered in a laugh… "Believe me, Kolo… Father, he's just showing off for you. He's a lot of different things, but a 'Yes, dear' man, he's not."

"Hey you two, cut that out. Is this how the day is going to be, you two comparing notes on me". Chakotay was teasing both, that much was obvious.

Kolopak turned to Kathryn. "Thank you for calling me father, as I've asked you. I enjoy it immensely." Turning to his son Kolopak stated. "You've chosen wisely Chakotay, she's intelligent, loving and she's got spunk"

Chakotay look at her while answering his father, his eyes lost in hers : "I know father, she is my peace, my strength and the woman I'll love all of my life and in the afterlife.

Kathryn's lips wore a shaky smile and tears were pooling in her eyes. Giving herself a little time to get her emotions back to some control, Kathryn left the table to come back with a bottle of champagne. Filling the flutes, she looked at Kolopak.

"I know champagne for breakfast is highly irregular but this is such a special occasion." Then turning to look at her father in law. "Should I tell him or will you?"

"Go ahead, daughter, tell him."

"Tell me what" Chakotay asked.

"While you two are in the holodeck, I'm going to be here getting ready for… your father has accepted to… …that is if it's ok with you Chakotay… Tonight… your father…

"What Kathryn… what is it" Chakotay pressed her.

She walked over to stand beside him. Bending one knee on the floor, she took his hand in hers. "Chakotay, will you marry me."

He tenderly looked at her. "Love, we are getting married tomorrow, remember."

"I know… but your father has agreed to go through the bonding ritual, to marry us tonight according to the ritual and the tradition of your tribe. Tomorrow will get married according to the ritual and tradition of my tribe" Kathryn added standing up a beautiful smile on her face. She kissed him gently leaning against him, lost into his eyes.

Chakotay could not believe his luck in loving this woman. "I've never dreamed… all of this, this is so much… I love you Kathryn and I will marry you tonight, tomorrow, and every day of our lives if you want too.

"Twice will be amply sufficient." She answered him, tenderly cradling his cheek in her hand.

The sound of a spoon on crystal made them turn to Kolopak who was holding his flute.

"Should I propose a toast"

Kathryn stopped him. "If you don't mind…" She pulled herself from Chakotay's embrace to stand between the two men, putting her hands on their shoulders.

"I said I had another surprise. But it's not only for Chakotay, it's also a gift I wanted to give you Kolopak."

Kolopak took his eyes from his son and went to Kathryn's face. "You…"

But Kathryn is not giving up the floor. "Since Q as agreed to this Kolopak, I've kept your coming a secret from Chakotay. But I have another secret I've kept from him and I just hope he will understand why I did. I wanted to give you both, together, father and son the greatest gift I could give you, on my own."

Chakotay and Kolopak looked at one another. Being together today could not be surpass… No gift could.

"I'm pregnant"

Both men were spellbound, and then both looked at her stomach, then at each other. An array of emotions played on both their faces, as her words were sinking in. She saw surprise, love, shock and joy in Chakotay's eyes. He rose from his chair, grabbed her in his arms and spin her around the room, crushing her in his embrace.

"Kathryn… Kathryn… Kathryn…"

He could think of anything else but her. The happiness she was giving him. He heard his father's voice.

"Chakotay, put her down or my grand-child will be born dizzy."

Chakotay stopped right there, putting her back on her feet he looked at her with worry.

"Kathryn… I'm so sorry, what an idiot… are you ok? Is the baby all right?"

She was laughing. "I'm fine. The baby is fine, everything is fine."

Kolopak joined them and was freeing Kathryn from Chakotay's arms.

"Let me kiss you Kathryn. Thank you for my son and my grand child. You've made this day even more memorable… and having me come back from the dead was pretty hard to top."

They started to laugh, embracing and congratulating one another. When they finally settled down a little, they went back to the table and their champagne.

"A toast" Kolopak said lifting his glass. "Spirits, we are humbled by the gifts you're granting us this day. I thank you for my son, my daughter and the grand child growing in her. Keep them under your guidance; grant them the love you belay on all your children". Kolopak rose his glass. "May the Spirits protect you along the path of life. I wish you love, family, friends, may they be added to the line of memories."

They raised their glass, tasted the champagne and enjoyed their breakfast, delighted by the different dishes and the presence of each other. After the meal, Kathryn pushed them out of her quarters and sent them to the holodeck.

"Come on Kolopak, take this guy with you. I have to make myself pretty for the wedding."

Kolopak looked at her and his son smiling. "Kathryn, I will take him away, but please… you could not make pretty, someone already as beautiful, as you are." She blushed under his gaze. "Your appearance is striking and your spirit is dazzling Daughter. My son is lucky you granted him your love" He kissed her on both cheeks.

Kathryn smiled at him. "I see where your son got his charm. But I'm not sure he would consider himself lucky, I made him wait for seven years…"

Kolopak cut her words… "You would have been worth waiting a life time, for your spirits found each others in a resonance rarely encountered."

Pulling back he noticed the redness of her cheeks, looking back at his son he said. "And she blushes too, how precious."

Chakotay chuckled. "She is precious, for more reasons then you'll ever know." Kissing her tenderly, he turned towards the door, his arm hooked with his father's. "We'll be in the holodeck" he said to Kathryn before exiting.

"The program is set and ready. I'll join you later for the bonding ceremony." She told him as the door was closing.

She didn't have the time to move that the door opened again. Chakotay lifted her in his arms until her eyes were levelled with his. He made her toes curled in a devastating kiss before telling her.

"I'll be waiting for you, my love… my wife. Thank you Kathryn. You could have asked Q for anything, but you chose to give me back my father. Thank you, my love. It's is the most beautiful gift you could ever give me" then he remembered "short of the child you're carrying".

"I was afraid you might be hurt when he has to leave."

Kathryn, in her concern, was chasing imaginary dust on the fabric covering his shoulders. She was so dear to him.

"Kathryn. This time you are giving me is an eternity. I've had so many regrets of not telling my father how important he was to me, how much I loved him… that I embraced his faith and made it mine. You've given me a life without regrets. I won't be happy to see him go again, but I will be at peace with him and with myself. Thank you Kathryn."

She was going to cry and she couldn't. She still had too many things to do. She gave him a heartfelt kiss. Seeing Kolopak over Chakotay's shoulder, a few feet away she pushed him through the door.

"Go… Your father is waiting and I don't want to see you before we meet for the ceremony. It's an order, Commander".

He laughed at her, took her back in his arms for one last kiss and stood at attention. "Aye, Aye, Captain. Permission to be dismissed".

"Dismissed" she laughed.


	10. Chapter 10

This is my last chapter until next Monday night when I come back from the 4 day Easter weekend... That is if I don't come back too late. It might be posted only on Tuesday, after work.

Reviews are not only welcome, they are needed. Please keep them coming. Don't abandon me to my muse. She's nasty sometimes.

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**Chapter 10**

As soon as Chakotay left, Kathryn set herself in motion. She cleared the table, putting the dishes away, making sure that their quarters were back in order. Next, she went to the bathroom to draw a bath for herself. She had time for a nice long dip.

Two hours later, the chime to Kathryn's quarters rang. She was in her silky bathrobe, fixing her hair.

She went to the door "Come"

Kolopak came in the room, alone. He was holding a bundle under his arm.

"Chakotay is waiting for me, but I wanted you to have this. Chakotay helped me with the replicator." He added giving her the bundle he was holding.

The bundle unfolded in a beautiful dress. It was light beige, made of soft supple leather, and embroidered with small colourful stones set in an intricate pattern.

"It's beautiful, Father…She smiled "I'm touched." Kathryn gave him a thankful hug.

"It's exactly like the one my wife wore on our bonding day. She would have loved you Kathryn, probably even more than I do. Chakotay is everything to me as he was to her, and you make our son very happy. Thank you for that. I could not ask for more. You'll understand one day with your child." He kissed her on the top of the head. "I cannot find the words to thank you for this time with him. The last two hours have been a blessing and we have time for more still. Chakotay has changed so much since I've seen him last. He's become a man I'm proud to call my son."

"As I'm proud to call him my husband" Kathryn assured him.

"He loves you more than he can say." Kolopak chuckled. "And to think… in the end… you fulfill your mission Kathryn."

She looked at him puzzled. Kolopak continued.

"You captured my son as you were ordered."

Her eyes opened wider, she giggled.

"I did capture him after all. I guess I could say I completed my mission with resounding success…" With a mischievous sparkle in her eyes, she added. "But there's a flaw in your reasoning Kolopak."

Her father looked at her questionably: "Is there?"

She looked at him smiling and gave him a hug before saying: "I was captured too."

They both laughed at the irony. Coming back to his original thought Kolopak kept on talking. "You gave me the chance to see my son once more. To see the man he became, he's so much like my own father… things I didn't see before, his gentleness, his quiet determination and his thoughtfulness. I must have done something good for him to turn out to be such a man."

"You did great … you raised him into an outstanding individual. He was a great Captain to his crew; he's a great first officer to this one. They all respect and admire him."

"As they do you, my son assures me."

"Thank you Father. I'm glad that you approved of me."

A hearty laugh came from Kolopak : "How can I not. You brought me back to life."

She was laughing too. "Q did… not me." Resting her hand on her still flat stomach she said. "I'm just sad that you won't see your grandchild. But I wanted you to know about him."

"You've given me so much dear Kathryn. Chakotay is the only one of our line who survived and you're giving him and all his ancestors a continuation through your child. I can't explain it all right now, I will later tonight… but you've given all of us, much more than you think. When you meet us later, I'll explain it all."

On that Kolopak gave a gentle squeeze to her shoulder, then taking her face in his hands, kissed her forehead.

"Thank you daughter. We will see each other again in a few hours. At the end of the day, the three of us will partake to complete the ritual that will allow me to stay with you."

Kathryn gasps. Didn't he understand, he was to go back in some 12 hours? How could she explain?

Kolopak saw the concern on her face. "Don't worry Kathryn. As I said, I'll explain in due time. Chakotay will call you when it's time for the ceremony. I would say in about 7 or 8 hours."

"How long will the wedding ceremony take, Father"

Kolopak smiled at her, forgetting her question. "Do you know how much I love to hear you call me father?"

"Probably as much as I enjoy saying it." She smiled back.

He laughed out loud. "A great diplomat if I may say so. Chakotay is right… you are perfect…" Coming back to her question. "I don't know, it will depend on the time you'll take in joining together, but we should have plenty of time, don't worry." He kissed her forehead again.

"See you, daughter."

"Yes Father, I'll wait for your call."

He exited her quarters back. Kathryn looked at the dress again. She had so much to do and so little time… She needed help.

"Janeway to Torres"

"Torres here. What can I do for you Captain."

"Would you care to join me for coffee in the Mess hall. I have something to ask of you and Tom."

"Tom is not here…"

"I know Tom's on duty, I'll talk to him at the end of his shift… but you're off right now… Will you join me?"

"Of course, Captain."

"Very well. See you in let's say 10 minutes."

"10 minutes it is" B'Elanna answered.

"See you then. Janeway out."

Kathryn rushed to her bedroom to get dress.

* * *

Kolopak returned to the Holodek to meet again with Chakotay. The New Earth program was running when they got there. Kathryn thought it was the perfect surrounding to complete her gift to Chakotay, as it was where they started bonding… it was in the nature of things to strengthen that bond on New Earth.

Chakotay and his father were buy the log house, trees all around, the sound of a brook in the background.

"Charming indeed" Kolopak said once more looking at his surroundings.

Chakotay looked around, overwhelmed by the attention to details Kathryn put in the program. She really did cherish her time on New Earth.

"New Earth, has a special meaning for us… Father. I told you the story already…"

"Yes I know. It is the perfect setting my son, as you have an emotional attachment to this place, but you also feel very safe in here... When you think about it, it is somehow kind of strange."

"What's strange about it Dad." Chakotay wore a large grin on his face… in fact it had not left his features in the last few hours.

"One would think you would hate this place because of the virus threatening your life and the fact that you would never get back to Earth, leaving your family on Voyager to go forward, knowing you'll never see another human being in your life. It should have been traumatic… a very depressing time and yet you glow when you talk about this place. You've never felt safer than when you were there. Kathryn does too, I can feel it from the attention and effort she put in recreating it."

Looking into his son dark eyes Kolopak added in a huge smile. "Must have been the company."

Chakotay answered laughter in his voice. "It was definitely the company. Being stranded alone with Kathryn was a dream come true."

Becoming more reflective Chakotay continued. "You know, you're absolutely right. We should have been scared to be on an unknown planet. We should have felt depressed and angry for being stranded alone, thousands of lights years from Earth and yet we weren't… ever. I never thought of it in that way. I was with Kathryn and it was all I ever wanted, the possibility of building a life with her."

"I can feel you're happy here and how safe you feel. I'm glad, son, it will help you both."

"What do you mean?" Chakotay questioned.

"My boy, from everything you told me in the last two hours and from what I know I taught you, we have a lot to cover. You've done your best to keep your faith but I'm surprise you did that well considering how little you knew."

"Thank you Father" Chakotay's grin got bigger, bordering on stupid looking. Nothing this man said could aggravate him.

"Boy, stop grinning and listen. It's a good thing we are recording this… I'm trying to teach you a lifetime of learning in a few hours… Some of the rituals have very specific gestures and wording or are for very specific purposes. You won't remember a tenth of what I will tell you today. You'll have to get back to this and play them over and over, until the words and gestures are learned. Everything I say here will expand as you go through it and really understand. I won't be able to teach you some of the rituals because I don't remember the wordings or the gestures myself, but it will be enough to enable you to study your faith and add your own understanding in order to teach it to your child. The ones I don't remember you'll be able to learn in visions with the ancestors.

Chakotay's eyes showed total surprised as if something incredible just dawned on him.

"Father…"

Kolopak took his son's hand in his and started talking softly almost whispering as if overwhelmed by the potential of the situation.

"She has no idea how much she gave us, now you know what her gift really means. We have a chance to do things right, find the line we lost. I'll try to go in order so that this day follows the natural progression of learning your faith… and we'll end with the two most important rituals, the bonding and the passing to the Spirits."

Kolopak got up and started gathering woods as he speaks.

"You know our faith is much more than vision quest. It has his mystic. Basically, we try to get in touch with the universe inside and outside of ourselves. You must feel the energy of that universe." He started assembling the wood in a pit as he kept on speaking.

"More than philosophical consideration, this is why we had very little technology on Dorvan V. The energy signature of a replicator for example, interferes with the energy surrounding us and interferes with our capacity to feel the shifts in that energy or even recognize it. On Voyager, you are at a disadvantage as you are surrounded with technology. But at the same time, you are in the middle of space, the flow is crisper, not impended by the energy from animals or nature. It cuts through the signature of technology much more easily than if you were on a planet were the energy from the land battles the energy from the sky. Eventually, you'll be very good in space, but will have to relearn everything you know as soon as you settle on a planet. It's a totally different interaction."

It was the beginning of a long very long magisterial course… a wonderful, overwhelming course. Most of the times, Chakotay's concentration would break as he spent his time just looking at the man he missed so much, for so long. He delighted himself with the expression his father's face would take. The smiling face and the serious one, and the professorial tone of his voice.

_Thank the Spirit for Holodecks… I won't remember 1% of everything he's telling me. _

Chakotay's mind was drifting, thinking that he would come here with his son or daughter and learn along with them the faith of his ancestors. They would have the chance to meet their grandfather. He could even try to expand the program, it would be like building a character. The computer would have first-hand knowledge of his father through this recording and could extrapolate accurately. The possibilities were boundless. He also thought of the streams with the alpha quadrant, he could contact elders that survived the attack on his world if needed be.

Kolopak went on without stop for the whole time he had set aside for his teaching. He needed to go through all these steps if he wanted to have a chance of reuniting with his son and his daughter, and soon his grandchild. Chakotay knew so little, needed to learn so much and they had so little time. He hoped this would be enough.

For eight hours Chakotay listened as carefully as he could, asking questions here and there when things were unclear. He never thought the beliefs of his people were so complex and elaborate. He was learning more now than he had in all his life. The years he spent away from his home planet without much contact with his people were spent at a great cost. His attention went back to his father… Kolopak's voice was soothing and he felt relaxed almost at a transcendent level.

"…The avenues of learning are infinite. As you learn more, your ancestors will help you in bringing you closer to your Spirit. It's a lifelong process with not so much of a destination but rather the elation of the trail and the imprints you leave on it for your children to follow in. We are back on our trail, the trail of our ancestors, my son."

Chakotay resonated with joy at hearing those words after so many years.

… "When it comes to meditation, you can search Earth's history, Tibetan monks and Maharashis from India have techniques that might help. You can also consult the Vulcan library, it will help."

"I'll ask Tuvok, he's Vulcan."

"You have a Vulcan on board?"

"Actually we have a few of them" replied Chakotay "Also a Talaxian, Bajorans… we have a multi-species crew you know".

"Hum… Bajorans have mysticism when it comes to visions almost equivalent to ours, you might want to discuss some of this with them. Not the ritualistic parts, more the philosophy of it, the meaning of the emissary and its function..."

"We could organize gathering of different crew members, with different mystical beliefs system and compare notes." Chakotay said with growing enthusiasm

"Excellent idea son".

"I'll run it by Kathryn, I'm sure she'll agree to this. It can only be good for the moral of the crew."

Kolopak touched Chakotay's arm with fatherly affection.

"You just have to mention her name and you're face reflects all the love you have for her, it shows reverence for her love."

Chakotay returned the gentle touch.

"She's my other half. She's everything a man can dream of in a woman. I just love everything about her. She has the smile of a Madonna; a crooked one that brings out the little girl in her, endearing her to me further. Even more than that, I've never met anyone so loyal, so honourable. There morality about her, righteousness if you prefer, one born of the beliefs and values that were given to her. She's soft, delicate, fragile and vulnerable as well as strong, stubborn and ruthless when the situation requires her to be."

"And it task your patience?." Kolopak interjected.

"Actually, whether as Kathryn or the Captain, I feel like I want to protect her from the world… it brings out the caveman in me. But strangely… and I'll deny saying it if it ever comes out… I also feel…. "

Kolopak smiled knowing exactly what was coming up before his son said the words.

"Protected…" Chakotay added. "I'm about twice her size, I've been raised to believe that a woman needs a strong man, yet she makes me feel so protected. I feel like she can take anything I could dish out, like I can show all sides of who I am. I feel emotionally protected, but also physically. She has protected me in a few situation, rescued me… I trust her strength, her resilience.

Kolopak smiled. "I felt the same way about your mother. Before meeting her I believe I needed a woman that was helpless and demure, that would let me have the control and never challenge it. I dated a few women like that, until I met your mother. She made me realized that I needed someone at least as strong as I was, because sometimes it feeds our spirit to lean on someone else, knowing we can fall from the pedestal we create for ourselves and that your partner will catch you. There's also the compelling attraction of a challenging personality. It puts some humph in a relationship, keeps it from getting boring."

Kolopak started getting up.

"Talking about my lovely daughter, we must hurry, you're still to change for the ceremony and meet me back here with her. I've given you everything I could. What's missing are details you'll be able to find on your own and with the help of the memory line. Come on… We don't have much time left… "

Chakotay got up, shaking his legs after being inactive for so long.

Kolopak smiled at him. Taking his son in his arms, he kissed him soundly. "I know I didn't have time to tell you before I died, but I love you Chakotay, always did and always will. I'm so proud of you; I always was, even when we disagreed. You had the courage of your opinions and I respect that. I knew that eventually you'd come back to us. Unfortunately I wasn't there to welcome you back."

Chakotay's eyes were full of tears when he returned the hug. "I love you too Father. I'm sorry for all the years I spent away from you, without letting you know…"

Kolopak broke in "We won't let it happened again. We'll see to it… Now go. I have a lot to do. Go get change and come back here. We'll call Kathryn from here."

Just as he was about to exit the holodeck, Chakotay was surprise to see Tom coming in.

"Sorry to interrupt gentlemen, but I'm here on direct order."

Chakotay chuckled "Orders from your Captain or your wife, Tom?"

"Actually from both, so you know I really have to follow these orders. If I don't, it will either be the airlocks or the couch, neither which I'm fond of."

The three men joined in a laugh. Tom started speaking again. "The Captain suggested you use our quarters Chakotay to change for the wedding. She also asked me to help your father with whatever he needed to change in the program, any special request he might have."

Chakotay gave Tom's back a friendly slap. "I know when I'm dismissed Tom. I won't be long, Dad."

"Go, Chakotay… I'll be here waiting."

As soon as Chakotay left the holodeck, B'Elanna, who was waiting for his exit, came in.

"Kathryn asked me to give you this Kolopak. She said she saw a picture in the database and thought you might want to change too."

Kolopak opened the bag and pulled out a pair of pants and a shirt. Both were the colour of sand and of the finest leather, decorated with embroidery and in the center the design of Chakotay's and his tattoo.

"What a sweet girl" Kolopak said in a soft tone." Putting the clothes back in the bag, he said to Tom.

"Ok. I'll go to the shelter over there to change. Tom… Please change this surrounding to that nice little clearing by the river. I also need to make a fire there, so a pile of wood would be nice. I'll need some herbs; I'll give you the list after I change."

Tom stood at attention, saluting. "Yes Sir, right away Sir. I'll move the earth for you Sir… literally"

Kolopak turned around towards the shelter holding the bag and winked at B'Elanna on his way. "Didn't know the Federation trained comedians… I guess it's good for moral."

B'Elanna's grunt followed him.

20 minutes later, B'Elanna was back at Kathryn's door.

"Come in B'Elanna"

"How did you kn… Wow, Kathryn… that dress is amazing, you look amazing" B'Elanna was surprise how different Kathryn looked in the dress, how uncaptain she looked.

Kathryn nervously played with the beads on the dress. She looked at herself in the mirror for the hundredth time. "You like it. You really think I look good in it. You think Chakotay will like it."

B'Elanna smiled, witnessing the insecurities of the strongest woman she knew.

"He will, I assure you Kathryn. He's crazy about you and you know it. He fell in love with you wearing a Starfleet uniform, which is not exactly flattering. Do I need to say more? "

Kathryn laughed. "Thank you B'Elanna. I'm so nervous, I don't know if I'm coming or going. I don't know what to expect at the ceremony. What if I do something wrong… I mean Kolopak…"

B'Elanna walked to her and put her hand on Kathryn's shoulder in reassurance like she had seen her Captain do so many times.

"Relax… everything will be fine. You've been through so many different protocols and rituals since we've been in the Delta Quadrant, negotiated with I don't know how many different species, I can't see you making a huge mistake tonight."

"You're right B'Elanna; I have a lot of practice at rituals. Thank you. It helps having you here."

"Glad to be of service, Captain" B'Elanna added in a laugh. "So, ready to go get married Kathryn."

"Ready as I'll ever be, B'Elanna."


	11. Chapter 11

**Here's chapter 11, hope you enjoyed. If you do, a review would be greatly appreciated. If you don't. Please tell me, I can only improve the story if I know what's wrong with.**

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**Chapter 11**

When they entered the Holodeck, Kolopak, Chakotay and Tom were standing by the fire. She felt Chakotay's eyes on her and she saw that all her efforts paid off.

He couldn't believe his eyes. He knew that for as long as he lived he would remember her in that dress, her hair softly curling around her face to her shoulders. A bit of lipstick was all the makeup she wore but on her forehead he could see the markings he saw in the mirror every morning. She was breathtakingly beautiful.

It took her and B'Elanna a while to reproduce Chakotay's tattoo. She wanted to show him she was his, and also that she wanted to be part of his tribe. The drawings would wash away but the gesture would stay with him forever.

Kolopak standing at his side whispered "You're a lucky man my son."

The reply shooting straight from his heart made Tom chuckle. "Don't I know it Father."

Kathryn walked up to Chakotay and took his hand in hers. That's all she could do to keep herself from grabbing the man and have her way with him. He was so handsome and terribly sexy. He was wearing something similar to what she replicated for his father but in a darker tone of brown, almost the colour of his eyes.

_God… what did I do to deserve that man._ She thought to herself.

Tom and B'Elanna giving their good byes on their way out distracted her. Chakotay, after looking at his father who nodded, called them back.

"Tom, B'Elanna, if Kathryn doesn't mind, you could stay if you'd like."

B'Elanna looking at Kolopak asked. "Can we… I mean, can we join in the ceremony."

Kolopak smiled at them. "If Chakotay and Kathryn are fine with it, so am I. Tradition allows for a few member of the family to witness the bonding ritual."

Looking at his father, Chakotay said. "B'Elanna is like a sister to me, Father" looking at his wife to be "It's up to you Kathryn."

Her eyes sparkled when she spoke. "It's fine by me. Tom is like a… a very distant, twice removed, cousin by marriage."

Everyone, including Tom, laughed at her repartee. As their laughter died, Kolopak ask them to gather around him and to sit down on the blankets set for them.

"Is this thing recording Chakotay".

"Yes Father, this and everything you say will be recorded."

"Ok then. I have to explain a few things." Turning to Tom and B'Elanna. "This ritual is very private and is done the day before the bonding feast which celebrates the bond with all friends and family. The bond is the intimate link between two people. You cannot fully participate in it, as it is a representation of their love, a very intimate vision quest if you prefer and you won't join in the vision with us. However, you may witness some external reaction to the vision. You won't understand much of what's happening… You might actually be surprised by some of it, and you should keep from doing anything that could distract us."

Kathryn added, "Tom, this means hold your tongue, that's an order". She gave him her best Captain glare.

"Yes Captain." Replied Tom faking a scared look.

Kolopak laughed. "You're pretty useful to have around, daughter"

"I'm glad you appreciate Father. Anything you'd like your son to do, just asked me" Kathryn answered back smiling lovingly at Chakotay.

Kolopak was addressing Tom and B'Elanna again. "You can join us in repeating the words and the gestures of the ritual. You may also help in keeping the fire going, giving me the herbs I will point to you as we go through the ceremony. You are essentially here because as you witnessed their individuality, you will witness the bond that will create a third entity made of both. I'll start by explaining the meaning of the ceremony."

Kolopak walked to Kathryn, taking her hands in his. "Kathryn, my daughter. You've given my son and I more than you could have thought possible. You gave us time to shed the regrets we had, to learn from one another, to express our love, but more than anything you gave us the time to make time." He saw the puzzled look on her face. "There is a belief amongst our people that love can bind us all through time and space. In this life and in the afterlife, the Spirit keeps the bound of love through the passing of our bodies. The bound is weaved from man to woman, parent to child, from a friend to another in different ways. The stronger the bond, the tighter the weave. The more threads in the weaving, the longer it will endure the pull of time. You have made the steps to unite your two lives together; the child growing inside you is a proof of your bodies uniting."

They heard a gasp coming from Tom and B'Elanna.

"Kathryn… You…"

Kathryn nodded to them in a large smile. "Yes, we'll have a new crewmember in about 8 months."

"That's wonderful." B'Elanna started…

Kolopak raised a hand "Please, you can congratulate and talk about it later. Time is of the essence. We need to proceed."

B'Elanna and Tom nodded. "Sorry, we were just surprised"

"I understand, it's not your fault. I'm sorry, but I'm getting nervous about how little time we have left and there is still so much to do. Forgive me." Said Kolopak apologizing.

His eyes went back to Kathryn. "Kathryn, my son has agreed to bind his soul to yours. Do you accept this bound."

Kathryn whispered "More than my next breathe"

Kolopak went on. "Know that by uniting your soul, you will be united to his family, to me. I told you earlier today that we had to make sure that I would stay with you… We are going to accomplish two rituals tonight. The first one is the bonding blessing. You will join in a vision quest, your animal guides will meet and you will join your energy with his. With this bond you will always be able to recognize his energy, as you know your own. Your spirit will be able to reach one another and when your time comes to leave your bodies, you will be with this man forever with the Spirits. Do you accept this?"

"I long for it" Kathryn said with tearful eye.

"That bond between you will make you both stronger as individual for you'll have the support and presence of the other in you at all time. If you are true soul mate, and I believe you are" he added in a smile "you'll be able to feel each other's energy. Our spirit has a unique energy, by bonding with my son, you won't lose your individuality; your energy will stay intact and complete. The ritual allows a new energy, different from your own and yet a combination of both, that you will share and add to your own, allowing you to travel that link, recognizing his energy because it's bonded with yours. Only in love and total trust can this new energy be received. The stronger the love and trust, the stronger the bond. From your two individual streams of energy will raise a third energy common to both, that third stream is the bond."

He took Chakotay's hand to put it over Kathryn's hands he was still holding.

"The second ritual is the passing of bodies. It will unite me and Chakotay in the line of our family's memory. As it is tradition for my people, he will take my memories as his. Everything that I am and that I was, he will remember as if he lived through the experiences. He will remember the day he was born as I saw it happened. He will see the day I was born as my father saw it because I made my father's memories mine. The line that was broken after 9 generations will be restored by your gift, and one day when he dies, Chakotay will pass it on to your child or children. That link is very fragile as it has to happen when one feels the pull of the afterlife. Our family lost it and started again 9 generations ago. You're giving us the gift of not having to start this all over again and I doubt Chakotay could have started a line by himself with little that he knows. The gift you gave us will be revered for generations as Chakotay's memory will add it to the line of memories."

Kathryn was shocked by what she was hearing. She read about the line of memory but she thought it was only a metaphoric fable. Now Kolopak was telling her it was possible… how could it be?

Kolopak pursued. "This is the most sacred ritual of all, the most revered and the most important. If at one point the line is broken, it's the memory of generations before that are lost. It's a terrible loss, one rarely talked about, but one that leaves emptiness in the spirit of the tribe. Thank you my daughter for your gift. You've given us back the lives of our ancestors and the memories of our people."

He took her in his arms and gently kissed her forehead. "Thank you Kathryn, from the bottom of my heart. Please accept my love, as I love my son, I now love my daughter for she's the one sharing his life. By the gift you gave us today, you became part of my memory line and his, a shared memory."

Kolopak looked at Kathryn with such intent. "You've done so much for us, would you do me the honour of sharing in that gift. You don't have the knowledge to really participate in the ritual but I'd like for you to be part of it, be a witness to the line of our family… soon your family. Because of the bond you'll share with my son it is possible if you are willing to join."

Kathryn was deeply moved by the confidence her father-in-law trusted into her. "I am honoured that you trust me with your memories."

Kolopak put a gentle kiss on her forehead. "The honour is all mine. We will be linked together, not in the same way I am with Chakotay, but as you learn more about our faith I will talk to you in your vision quest. Because you are taking part in the passing of my body to the afterlife, you will hear my voice in your vision. Uniting your visions with his, you will unite with me and my father and my father's father, and all our ancestors, the same way he would unite with your family if you had shared your memories with your ancestors."

Looking at both of them Kolopak continued. "You still have a great deal to learn before you can have the full extent of what the line can bring to you. It takes patience and training, starting with the rituals I will perform with you. It will change your life, knowing the consequences of your actions are not only your own but to be witness by your ancestors and your descendants."

Kathryn's eyes reflected the enormity of what Kolopak was saying.

He felt her concern. "Don't worry Kathryn, ancestors don't nick pick so much" Trying to comfort her with a smile. Kolopak kept on talking.

"By accepting this ritual, you also accept the responsibility of keeping the line flowing. You will have to teach your children and give them your memories when you pass in the afterlife. Love them with all you have and they will accept that responsibility like you do now. They will know their roots, by reliving them. That is the greatest gift I can give you as a father… I give you all of myself and of my ancestors."

Kathryn looked at him with wonder. "Thank you Father."

Chakotay still holding her hand promised. "We won't let the memories die; we will follow in your steps and transmit the line to our children."

"Thank you both, you're giving me a great joy and honour. If you would sit down facing one another and join your hands, we are going to proceed with the bonding of your spirits in the blessing of your union."

Kolopak took some hot water from the pot hanging over the fire. He added leaves over the water and started chanting as he was brewing them.

After a while, he came to sit by them, holding a bright coloured ribbon that he tied around both their hands..

"Like this band uniting your hand, you will unite your energies. But know that nothing can break that bond, not even death itself. So it is not a ritual to do lightly. You will always be a part of each other's life, whether you are together or not. You will feel strong emotions from one another, without exchanging words. It won't be like telepathy more like empathy… the ability to sense the emotions of another person. Only you will know how strong the bond is as it differs from couples to couples and the love they share."

Chakotay and Kathryn shared a smile. They were sure their bond was going to be very strong, almost as strong as the love they were sharing. Nothing could be AS strong.

Kolopak stood up, served a bowl of the drink he had brewed and gave it to Chakotay and Kathryn.

"Drink all of it and sit, facing each other, both your hands on the akooma. I will join you both and guide you through the bonding."

They sipped from the bowl until it was empty. Kolopak joined his hands to theirs on the akooma and started chanting. After a while, Kathryn felt a tingling in her fingers and a feeling of utter relaxation. She was facing Chakotay, their eyes locked together, forgetting their surroundings, only aware of breathing together and the love express in their eyes.

Kolopak's voice could be heard over the sound of the water running and the noise coming from the forest.

"Acoochemeya we are far from the land of our ancestors. We unite our visions and open the eyes of our mind and our spirits." Kolopak's voice repeated the incantation over and over, rocking them deeper into relaxation. Their eyes closed but they were still aware of one another through their joined hands.

Kathryn opened her eyes and looked around, she was on a small dune and there was sand as far as she could see. She turned back to the sound of waves. Now in front of her, the sea, shining with diamond like sparkles under the setting sun. A gentle wind brushed her hair against her cheek. She felt totally at peace with her surroundings, communing with the sun and the sea. She also felt a presence behind her. Two strong arms circling her waist, a hard chest against her back. She felt loved and comfort.

"Chakotay."

"Yes my love."

"I love you."

"As I do you, Kathryn."

"Is this my vision or yours?"

She heard the smile in his voice when he answered. "I thought you knew, this is ours. The desert and the ocean, your vision and my vision, united."

She turned around in his arms and as she was going to kiss him when they heard a voice.

"Kathryn… Chakotay."

She turned back to the ocean and to Kolopak standing, a wolf, was on his left and her animal guide on his right. Kathryn was surprise that it wasn't a bear as she expected Chakotay's animal guide to be.

She felt the rumble of laughter against her back. Chakotay voice's was full of humour.

"The animal guide of the fierce Captain Janeway is a tiny lizard…"

"Hey… don't laugh. It's not the size that counts." She said defending her guide.

"Hum… I seem to remember an instance when you commented on the size… and it seemed to count." He whispered in her ear.

She laughed out loud… "Chakotay, behave my love. Your father will hear you."

She heard Kolopak's voice coming closer. "His father heard, Kathryn. You better get used to it. You don't select the images you share in these visions, it's all or nothing. You will sometimes relive very intimate memories, as your children will share very intimate moments between the two of you. It's all a question of the importance you give to the moment, how much you want to remember it yourself."

Kathryn's face changed colour, first white switching to beet red. "We're never making love again." She heard both men laugh and Kolopak said. "And you won't have other children to share the memories with. Kathryn don't feel ashamed. It is a beautiful and natural act between two people that love each other. Sex is not a taboo amongst our tribe. It's a natural, beautiful act. What more reassurance does a child need than knowing of its parents love for one another? And if it may make you feel better, years of training are needed to share memories, children are usually of adult age when they get to that point. Parents having sex is a totally natural concept in our culture, not one that give children the chills just thinking about it." He added in a laugh.

Coming back to the moment, Kolopak started walking away. "I would suggest the four of you get acquainted. I will be back in a short while"

Chakotay and Kathryn sat down with their animal guides, the four of them looking at the sun setting in the horizon.

The wolf told Chakotay "She has a cub in her belly. It is yours."

Chakotay beamed. "Yes, she's expecting my child."

"That is good" said the wolf. "The cub is fine, it's growing strong and tall."

Chakotay looked at his guide.

"A boy?"

The wolf grinned at him.

"Male or female… doesn't matter…"

Chakotay petted his guide's head. "You're right boy or girl doesn't matter." His face was saying otherwise. He really wanted a girl looking like her mother.

"There will be other cubs, Chakotay… you choose wisely."

Before Chakotay could ask more, the lizard was addressing Kathryn.

"You chose a good mate. He is rather large… probably clumsy because of his size, but his spirit you can trust. Share his path, he will show you home."

Kathryn looked at Chakotay who was also showing surprise.

"Do you mean he's going to take Voyager home."

The lizard answered. "Not others… you… Not a place… He is home, always will be."

Kathryn replied. "Yes, he is home, wherever we are."

The wolf looked at Chakotay : "I like her. I will accept her guide and the bond you will create between us."

The lizard's voice rose up : "and I like him. I believe that they'll both see that no harm ever come to us, as we will for them."

Kolopak came back shortly after as he promised. "Are you ready to unite."

Kathryn showed her surprise. "I thought we had."

"No my dear child, you've learn to be comfortable in a vision and you got the approval of your guides but the real uniting still needs to be done. Now don't forget this is a vision, just like any other. A lot of what will happen is symbolic of your love. Are you ready?"

"I am" Chakotay and Kathryn answered at the same time, their voices strong and confident.

"Please stand and face each other. Your guides should be between the two of you on each side, both guides by your sides, both supporting and guiding the both of you, the third energy will raise from within the circle." Lifting his arm, extending his hands palms up, one pointing to the desert, the other pointing to the sea, Kolopak started chanting his head towards the sky.

"Shao Wani, unite these two spirits in their love. Show them the path that leads to one another, from one another, in one another, encompassing the universe within and around them. Let them embrace it, as they embrace each other. Let them feel their love now and in the afterlife. Shao Wani, unite these two…" The soothing cadence of Kolopak's chant made them feel at peace with their surroundings and each other.

Chakotay moved a little bit closer and took her hands in his. She had the most loving smile on her face. Her love for him in her eyes and on her face, as he was sure his love for her was showing on his.

"Both of you… repeat after me. Shao Wani, I give you my spirit, my heart, my line and my life."

"Shao Wani, I give you my spirit, my heart, my line and my life." Chakotay and Kathryn repeated in one voice.

"I feel your love as you feel mine, you are my voice and I am yours"

Again they repeated Kolopak's words.

"Create the energy you will share, the link to travel and create you as a couple, still individual but more when united."

Chakotay couldn't hold himself any longer; he needed to give into his impulse. He took Kathryn in his arms and his mouth came down on hers. It was like no kiss they shared before. She felt a tingling in her lips and something strange coming from him. She wasn't sure what it was but it was delightful… She felt the kiss in itself, the love, the passion it contained. She felt her skin warming up and her mind expand around her. She could see herself, embracing Chakotay, the light surrounding them, the wind and the smell and through it all, she felt her heart soaring to the sky, beyond it, soaring further, and embracing everything around, embracing the universe. She felt like a shooting star in the night sky.

She felt him pull away from the kiss and she opened her eyes to him. Her eyes grew bigger. Chakotay was made of light. Lifting her hand to his face she realized that she was too. Touching his face she saw her light and his, combining in colours and hues of colours.

He pulled her to him in a crushing embrace. She could feel his heart and hers beating together, felt her body and his meshing. Their lips joined again as their body disappeared to become three beams of light, one shooting to the end of the desert, the other to the end of the ocean and a third one shooting for the stars.

She felt pull in all these direction, as if she was all directions, beginning to end. She saw his image and hers fade into the light. She closed her eyes and felt his heart pumping, his mind racing, felt the strength of what he was feeling. She thought it was pleasure, she was almost sure she felt the pleasure he felt of having her arms around him, feeling the passion building in him, the ache that he felt from wanting her. It was the same she was feeling yet in a totally different way. The light became brighter as they kept on hearing Kolopak's chant.

As beams of light, they came together in astounding beauty. It felt as if they were making love but it was so much more. The bliss was incredible but it wasn't physical, it was as if their souls were making love, earth-shattering love, a universe in the pleasure of one another.

The beams grew stronger, reaching further in all directions. They saw the stars and beyond. They were travelling in all directions without borders or limit. Their energy would go exploring in different directions but always they would come back, knowing where the other was at all time.

They came down crashing, the same way they did after the heights of lovemaking. It was like sex as a religious experience, miraculous and sacred. After what seems like seconds, she found herself back on the beach, Kolopak talking.

"You are truly mates now. Nothing or anyone will ever break that bond. You are husband and wife."


	12. Chapter 12

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**Chapter 12**

Chakotay and Katherine were back on the beach. She could still feel the light going through her veins. She couldn't explain it, but she felt it. Chakotay smiled at her. Everything about him was beautiful. She loved him beyond belief.

He whispered almost reverently "My wife… my mate… my love."

"I love you Chakotay"

"I know. I felt your love for me, the pleasure you feel when I touch you, I felt your desire for me and your passion, but most of all, your love. I could not imagine you loved me so much. I felt your heart soaring with mine towards the stars and beyond the galaxies. It was amazing… it felt amazing."

"You did… I only felt mine… why?"

"You will in time, you'll learn. But I was with you. Thank you for allowing this."

Kolopak interrupted. "Sorry children, but we have to go back. We still have another ritual to accomplish."

"We have all the time in the world to explore our love" said Chakotay brushing his lips against her once more. "Let's go back"

They took leave of their animal guides and then slowly let themselves out of the trance.

They opened their eyes at the same time, their lips spread in the same smile.

They looked around; Tom and B'Elanna were still there, looking at them with teary eyes.

Kathryn asked them: "What's the matter…"

B'Elanna spoke first. "Oh guys, this was beautiful. I feel as if I witnessed the birth of something. I felt something… I can't say what it was, but it was incredible. It was warm and peaceful… It was beautiful"

"How could you…" Chakotay was lost for words. It happened in their vision.

Tom answered, noticeably moved by the experience. "We could see it in your smile. Your bodies move as if they were mirrors reflecting one another. Something incredible happened to you... At one point you both opened your eyes and looked at one another… there was light in your eyes and the look… it was… I mean… you were glowing. I swear to God, you were glowing with love"

Tears were gathering in Kathryn's eyes when she spoke. "It was the most amazing feeling". She said looking at Chakotay.

"So you know that you are part of my being… you complete me"

"Yes… as you complete me."

Chakotay embraced her: "I want to make love to you, Kathryn" he whispered in her ears. "I want to feel your pleasure and mine combined in the trance of lovemaking."

"Oh my God!" She looked at him overwhelmed by the possibility offered to her. Could she… could she feel his passion and his pleasure the same way she had felt a little of what he felt in the vision.

"Holy Mother of God." Katherine whispered overwhelmed with the possibilities their bond held.

Chakotay laughed and pulled away to look into her eyes. "Exactly, my love."

Kolopak brought them back in a flash. "How much time do we have left Tom."

"About two and a half hours." Tom answered

"It will be tight but we can make it" Kolopak said.

Kathryn couldn't believe it. "How long were we in trance?"

"Almost one hour" said Tom.

Kolopak interrupted. "Chakotay, Kathryn. How do you feel?"

"Great." They both answered at the same time and then laughed together.

B'Elanna snorted "Kahless, they're going to be like that all the time now."

"Like what" Kathryn asked her.

"Like finishing each other's sentence, like we're not here… Like all mushy and feely." B'Elanna has a look of pure annoyance on her face.

Kathryn snorted. "I happen to like mushy and feely, B'Elanna. Not everyone is into growling and grunting you know."

B'Elanna laughed.

"Hey, I love growling and grunting." Tom added kissing his wife lightly.

Kolopak intervened. "Children…"

Chakotay turn to his father. "What do we have to do now?"

"We have to hurry. There is no danger for either of you or the baby, but you'll be extremely tired after this. B'Elanna, Tom, you'll have to help them to their quarters after this. Put them to bed and let them sleep. They'll probably sleep for a good 10 hours."

Tom, B'Elanna and Chakotay all laughed looking at Kathryn.

"What?" She had her hands on her hips in her favourite Captain Janeway's pose.

"Yeah… right, you… sleep for 10 hours, you Kathryn." Chakotay held her hand gently.

"If I have the right incentive, I might."

"Hey you two, do I have to throw the rest of the water at you". They heard laughter in Kolopak's voice. "So as I was saying. You take both of them to bed and let them rest for as long as they need."

"Just as long as you wake us up for our wedding." Kathryn interjected.

"Yes Captain" Tom replied.

"We will be fine, we are not to report for duty for another three days anyway… everything was already planned so that we get tomorrow off to prepare." Chakotay was glad he insisted so that they both take the day off the day of the wedding.

Kolopak addressed them all. "As you know my time here is limited, which is a great advantage as we know the exact moment of my passing and I'm not weakened by the pull of death. The ritual will end with my last breath as my spirit will join with the ones of my ancestors. So let me say my goodbyes now.

Kathryn was searching Chakotay's face for the pain she had been so afraid to see in choosing his gift. There was sadness on his face but also joy of being with his father. She didn't have time to dwell on it, as Kolopak was addressing her.

"Kathryn, my daughter, I'd like to welcome you to our tribe. My son is lucky to have found you. Let go of the guilt you feel for stranding this ship here for it was the time you needed to welcome him in your heart. I deeply believe that everything happens for a reason and it is every individual's responsibility to find that reason. My son and yours was to meet, bond, start a family and get his family line back. That latter reason is the one I'm most thankful for. You will understand in time, as you don't grasp all that it involves yet. Your spirit is strong, loving and giving. You will be as wonderful a mother as you are a captain to this ship because you nurture both with your heart. We will talk again, but know this, I'm incredibly proud to call you my daughter. Good Bye daughter."

Kolopak gave Kathryn a long hug and then kissed her cheek with affection. He turned to B'Elanna and Tom and faced Kathryn again. "Don't be afraid of what people might think of this gift you gave my son. No one will question your choice or will blame you for it… They will understand. I know as much as you do that you will take them home Kathryn. You will."

Tears were falling down her face. Tears of joy and sorrow for the man she came to love and respect in so little time. Kolopak turned to Chakotay, embracing him.

"My son. My heart is so full of emotions I cannot say. I'm so proud of the man you became Chakotay. Your mother is too… never doubt we are. Your spirit is also strong, loving and giving. You have the integrity of your beliefs, a sense of honour and loyalty that tells me I did my work in fathering you. Like your animal guide, you mate for life. You spend your life roaming the plains looking for your mate and once you find her you give yourself totally and freely. Thank the spirit you were not left howling in the distance, calling your mate. You know the strength of your bond with her and how rare such a bond is. The child she's carrying is the proof of this bond. I have no doubt you will be a wonderful father, like my father was to me. You are so much like him Chakotay. I'm glad you are as he was much more patient with my rebellion than I was with yours."

Before Chakotay's reply could come out of his lips, Kolopak spoke again.

"Please, allow me to take some of the blame for what happened between us. I was stubborn and so were you, but I was supposed to be the wise one. You will be a better father than I was, I'm sure of that. Teach your children the ways of your tribe. Teach them to respect their spirit and to trust the faith of their people. I love you my Son, with all my heart and my being. You're a good man, a man I respect. You have your life ahead of you, a good life son, with a wonderful woman and soon a child to bless it. I'll be with you along the path of your life, your mother and ancestors will to. When your time comes, I will be there to take your hand and welcome you in the memory line. You are and will always be my son, the pride and joy of my life. Goodbye my dearest boy."

He took Chakotay in his arms, holding him tightly and kissed the markings on his forehead, and hugged him once more.

Finally, turning around to B'Elanna and Tom. "You two. I thank you for being there for your friends."

Walking up to B'Elanna. "As my son made you his sister, I make you my daughter. I trust his judgment. I feel the strength of your spirit B'Elanna. I'm sure your parents won't mind if I share their pride in their daughter." And he kissed her. "You were stranded here to find Tom, to prove to yourself that you're deserving of being loved with all your parts… human and klingon." The engineer was obviously deeply moved.

Kolopak looked Tom in the eyes and said. "Be true to yourself Tom. You are a better individual than you give yourself credit for. From what my son told me, you're a good officer, and an outstanding husband to his sister. You're a good man, Tom, don't forget it. Like your father with you, I helped the rift between my son and I but I always loved him, as I'm sure your father loves you. You were stranded here to use this separation wisely to mend that rift…" glancing in B'Elanna's direction he continued; "and also to find the one that completes you."

"We will now proceed with the ritual. I thank you all for the part you all played in my being here. Shall we begin?"

With Kolopak's help, Chakotay prepared another brewing of herbs. Their hands joined over the pot they were both chanting. Kathryn looked at her husband's face. He was at peace. At peace with himself, his father and the whole universe. How she loved him.

The three of them shared a bowl of the brew and Kolopak lied down on the ground, showing them to do the same on each side of him, their heads touching like the branch of a star, lying comfortably on the ground, both holding Kathryn's hands and father and son holding hands on the akooma. In a very soothing voice Kolopak started saying words over and over. Kathryn felt the brew going through her blood as if she could feel every vein in her body. She felt very relaxed; her mind was clouding, her eyes shutting on their own. Her last conscious thought was that she couldn't feel the ground under her now. She felt peace, only peace. The following moment, she heard Kolopak's voice rising.

"Kaina, pitawami pikana mesani waki shaou. My ancestors and I thank you for welcoming us as part of your memories. The Spirits will join in you in perpetuating our lines. I rendered myself to the passing of my body; I free my Spirit and let it join with the ancestors. I leave this body and embrace the afterlife".

"Kaina, pitawami pikana mesani waki shaou. Take my hand in yours my son and daughter and take me with you to live on. Open your spirits to welcome my spirit. Combine your memories with mine and the one of my father before me and his father before him and of all the fathers and mothers of our line. We shall live forever in you and in your children after you."

"Kaina, pitawami pikana mesani waki shaou. You will add your own memories in them. Seek the wisdom and knowledge of our ancestors and add it your own, until we become one memory to pass on. The line is sacred, the line is the universe, the line if the gift of memories."

Then Chakotay's voice joined his father's.

"Kaina, pitawami pikana mesani waki shaou. The line is sacred, the line is the universe, the line if the gift of memories. Kaina, pitawami pikana mesani waki shaou. The line is sacred, the line is the universe, the line if the gift of memories."

Kathryn fell asleep to the soothing sound of the two voices. At least she thought she was asleep, but then how could she think it. She was dreaming, faces, men, women and children. Images flashing by, images of life, birth, death, love, sorrow. Images rushing in her mind, overloading it. They were coming so fast, she became nervous. She tensed and the images went by even faster, becoming one long blur. Her breathing accelerated and she started experiencing a splitting headache and nausea.

Chakotay's voice reached her over Kolopak's chant. "Relax Kathryn. I'm here with you. Everything will be fine. Just relax. Lay back and watch the images as if it was one of Tom's movies. The more you relax the easier it will be, the slower the images will come to you."

She willed herself to relax, restoring some calm in her mind. The images slowed down. Calmer now, she paced herself. She felt relaxed again and able to enjoy the images. She saw a young child playing in a field, a couple crying sitting on a bench, a lover's embrace. She watched as the memories flowed onto her. They were so many people to see, none she knew. After what felt like minutes of a silent picture show, she recognized a face. Chakotay as a little boy playing with friends, as a young man, his face distorted in anger, screaming at his father. Was he ever that young? He looked so innocent. Would their son look like him?

The images continue to slowly parade in front of her eyes. Some images were dreadful, like the Cardassian attacks she witnessed. Others were breathtaking, like she announced her pregnancy, and their wedding ritual, facing each other, joining hands. Their It had been so beautiful.

Then, in an instant, a crowd assembled in a circle and Kolopak appeared in the middle of it. An old man and woman walked up to him and took his hand. She didn't understand what they were saying, but the tone was loving and welcoming. The old man wave an arm to the other people inviting them to come closer. In a cheer they all gathered around Kolopak, hugging him, kissing him.

The line had found its missing link and was back in the fold of time.


	13. Chapter 13

**WARNING – RATED M for sexual situation.**

**Thank you so much to all the reviewers. Some of you have been constant with your reviews and I really appreciate every word you've written. Hope you enjoy the following chapter. Shopping tomorrow night will keep me from posting a new chapter, but you'll have it on Saturday. Promise.**

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**Chapter 13**

Kathryn woke up suddenly. Darkness surrounded her. She could feel the warmth of a body against hers, the weight of an arm around her waist. She was in her bed with Chakotay, totally confused. What happened? Was the ritual over, time for Kolopak to go? How would Chakotay react? She started to move. She felt Chakotay move a little against her. She didn't want to wake him up.

She was in her bed, and that surprised her. That meant that Kolopak was gone and she had not been there for Chakotay. She slowly moved the blanket off her and quietly slide her legs out from under the cover. She felt herself being pulled back into bed and heard his voice in her hair.

"Good morning wife. Did you sleep well?"

She turned in his arms to lay a kiss on his lips. "I don't know, you tell me. What time is it… how long have I been sleeping?"

"Let me see." Chakotay said. "Computer. Time"

"It is 10h12"

"Including the time during the ritual, you have slept for 13 hours and 32 minutes."

"You must be kidding" she said sitting up in bed. "I've never slept 13 hours in my life."

Chakotay laughed. "I know, there's a first time for everything."

A sudden look of sadness came over Kathryn's face. "Oh Chakotay. I didn't wake up at the end of the ritual, wasn't there for you… I'm so sorry."

"After he passed on his memories, I woke up and he was lying on the ground, a peaceful look on his face. I was exhausted. I could hardly keep my eyes opened and could not stand on my feet right away. You didn't wake up, I checked on you and you were just sleeping. Probably the pregnancy tired you. I barely had time to get my bearings that Q showed up and went in a flash taking my father's body with him."

Kathryn was worried knowing that Q and Chakotay weren't the best of friends. "How did it go with Q?"

"Fairly well, I can't hold a grudge against him after he allowed my father and I to make peace and go through with the ritual." Chakotay kissed her temple. "Actually he was pretty nice. Even called me by my name… Anyway… I hugged father one last time and they went in a flash of light. Nothing out of the ordinary for Q."

"What about Tom and B'Elanna."

"They stayed until after my father was gone. I requested a site-to-site transport and left them to turn off the program. I helped you out of your dress, tucked you in bed and fell asleep right away."

A question burned Kathryn's lips… "Did it hurt you much that he had to leave just like that? I wanted to be with you to help with the pain. You should have woken me up…"

"Don't worry my love. Actually I was dead on my feet, too tired to even feel anything and I had two minutes at the most between the end of the ritual and the moment we transported here. Sweetheart, I'm so happy for the time I spent with my Dad, I don't feel sad he left. I got so much, a lifetime worth."

He felt the happiness back in her voice when she added. "Several lifetimes."

He laughed "You're right, several lifetimes." His voice full of wonders he added. "You saw them, wasn't that mind boggling. I knew about the ritual, but didn't really grasp what it meant. When my father died I wasn't there and we couldn't... and there wasn't much point in reflecting on what it could have meant. I just didn't expect it to be so… so…"

"I know… it felt so weird… I didn't know any of them, they were strangers and yet I knew very special almost intimate moments of their life." she sighed.

"Yes… And did you see our wedding..." Chakotay was lost in his thoughts.

"Yes… I saw it as your father's memory and it was incredible. It's seemed like such a lovely moment in his mind… one to cherish forever."

"Yes… that and the memory when you announce you were pregnant. Oh' Kathryn this is such a gift. I can't believe we're having a baby." He said as he laid a hand on her stomach.

He had so much wonderment and joy in his voice, Kathryn was humbled by it. Could such an incredible man exist? She had not thought it possible. Her mind took her back to new pictures that were haunting her. She gently put her hand over his and pursued her reflection.

"I saw the Cardassian attacks on your home world. Never thought they could have been so barbaric. It was the most horrific moment I could ever imagine and I understand now your choice of joining the Maquis. I'm not sure that I could have stayed with the Federation had I known the extent of the slaughter that happened. I didn't know Chakotay, I swear. What we were told didn't reflect the events and the Federation has much to answer for. We will start fighting now, to change things in the time we have until we get home… because I can't stand the idea of going back to the Federation right now. I'd have serious ethics problems…"

Chakotay was not at all affected by her sadness and her bout of anger… they could deal with that later… this was their first morning together as husband and wife… He wanted to add that moment to his memory line as they now had a deeper meaning added to them. He interrupted her tirade.

"How many times, this morning, have I told you I love you?"

Kathryn cuddled in his arms, totally back in the moment.

"Not even once… I'm crushed…"

"I love you… I love you… I love you…"

He punctuated every 'I love you' with a kiss. He looked at her with a smile and asked.

"How are you feeling Kathryn? Any pain or discomfort from the experience."

"None whatsoever" she replied. "Actually I feel great, totally rested and ready to take on the world. I feel that great, full of energy. I could actually start a fight, just for the heck of it."

He laughed and grabbing her, he rolled on the bed with her. "Not a very wifely inclination if I may say. I could find a more interesting way to use that energy. Want to check if our bond works as well as it did in the vision" He started kissing her neck, tucking her ear lobe with his lips.

She pushed him away, rolling him on his back and got out of bed. "As much as I'd loved to test that theory… No you don't mister, I need a shower and a cup of coffee and then we can start talking entertainment."

"About you talk and I entertain" he said trying to pull her back to bed without success.

She was already half way to the bathroom. "Hold that thought."

"I want more than think about it."

He wasn't sure she heard his reply as she was already in the bathroom. He heard her start the water. No sonic shower. Hum… He could imagine her, water running down her breasts, her skin under his hands. He could also feel himself hardening and throbbing. He heard her yell from the bathroom.

"Chakotay, hold onto that thought and get your butt in here. The bond is definitely working."

He jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom, opening the door to the shower.

"What did you say my love?"

She pulled him to her, a seductive smile on her face, pressing her body against his.

"I said the bond is definitely working. I think I felt you. You were feeling something strong. It's strange, I didn't feel the feeling… yet I felt an emotion that was overwhelming you…"

Her eyes were clouded with desire.

"My thoughts were entirely on you my love, you felt my desire for you…"

He wasn't sure his words even registered as he could see in her eyes that she was reliving the moment being lost to it. Suddenly, she pushed him against the wall opposite to her and gave him the most seductive look before saying.

"Feel this, my love."

Her eyes locked with his, she grab a bottle of shower gel and poured it generously in the palm of her hand. Putting the bottle back on the shelf, she let herself lean against the wall. Closing her eyes, she started to slowly spread the soap on her neck and shoulders. Her hands were roaming over her arms and going across her stomach in a sensual dance, an enthralling one. Her hands went up again to cup her breast, gently rubbing around her hard nipples. To Chakotay, she was seduction incarnated.

He closed his eyes, emptying his mind, trying to connect with her. He could feel her, her pleasure, the strength of her arousal, the lust of her hand playing with her body.

_I never thought it could be like that. I want her so much. I want to ensnare her body with mine. She trying to drive me crazy and it's working. Spirits, I'll never last. _

He opened his eyes to see her hand to her breasts and down again along her tummy to the beginning of the curls at the apex of her legs. Up again, slowly spreading the suds all over herself. If desire could kill he would be dead in a flash, as his was painful right now. He ached for her.

She was totally lost in the pleasure, eyes closed, mouth slightly opened, her energy pulsing with desire. She opened her eyes gazing into his.

"I don't know what it is you're feeling exactly, but I feel an energy coming from you, something like… hum… warmth… It's amazing."

He looked into her eyes, showing his love for her.

"Concentrate your thoughts on me and feel how much I want you right now".

She could feel him, not the exact emotion or really how it felt for him, just that he was feeling something... It was incredible. She could not really feel him and yet she could. What a strange feeling it was. Her pleasure turned to ache. She ached with desire and he felt it. So different from the way his desire built.

His years of training in ritualistic meditation allowed him to decipher the emotions she felt. Right now, he felt a deep hunger that needed to be sated.

_She aches for me, that's how much she wants me._

He needed to touch her. Without thinking he lifted his hand and gently touched her breasts and moved on to her nipples, taking them between his fingers and twisting a little. He heard a deep and long moan coming from her. He opened his eyes.

"You knew I wanted to be touch there and in that way. I swear to God… You knew exactly what I wanted the next caress to be."

"Kathryn. You're so beautiful. Just looking at you makes me ache for you." He added his eyes plunging deep into hers. "Midnight blue" he whispered.

"What did you say?"

"Your eyes, they are Midnight blue when you want me".

She gave him a tender smile. She needed to touch him, to feel him under her hand and inside her. She leaned into him, her breasts rested against his chest.

"Watch them carefully and tell me if they get darker". She pressed her breasts against him, started moving, soaping his body using hers.

"Spirits, Kathryn. You're going to kill me. I want you so much it hurts."

"You have me, my love" She whispered before moving her lips to his. Her tongue invaded his mouth while her body rubbed his. Leaving his mouth, she gently pushed his body against the wall, moving all over him, her nipples tickling his navel, lower yet, tucking his throbbing erection between her soapy breasts.

"Ahhh, Kathryn. Kathryn."

The effect of her body shifting over his, combined with the pleasure he felt in her… from her… with his own… he was losing his mind. He witnessed her pleasure of caressing him and caressing herself with his body, overloading his senses. It was too much, too fast. He didn't have any control over himself, he needed to calm down.

"I'll have to look for the off switch on this bond or you'll be condemned to very short lovemaking sessions. I'll never be able to last more than two minutes and I want it to last, for you… my love."

She laughed gently. "There must be instructions for this. If we can't find them, we can go on vision quests and ask our ancestors. Only God knows what we might find. The conversation promised to be interesting, to say the least."

There was laughter in her voice. Pure joy and enjoyment of his presence, her body and his together. She had never been happier. Her features change to more serious ones thinking of the baby in a womb.

"You're sure these vision quests are not harmful to the baby, there's really no danger for it"

Chakotay's eyes light up at the mention, looking at her face with reverence, he replied.

"I'm sure it won't harm the baby in anyway." He enfolded her in his arms. "Kathryn, you've given me all my dreams, everything I wanted from the universe. In one day you changed my life, giving me my father, a baby and yourself. I could not be any happier. I feel so full of… of… I can't find the words. I am truly, deeply happy."

She looked at him her eyes full of love. "This baby is everything I wanted from you. I wanted that part of you and me, the expression of our love for one another."

His eyes filled with tears. Getting a hold of his emotions, Chakotay brought the conversation to the baby.

"Did the Doctor say if it was a boy or a girl?"

"I told him I would talk to you first and we could ask later. Do you want to know?"

Chakotay thought about it a little then said. "Would you mind keeping the surprise".

"Not at all my love, actually since I've learned I was pregnant, I thought about it and I want to keep the surprise too."

"When did you learn you were…" Chakotay asked her.

"6 days ago. I was late, never am. I checked with the Doctor. You should have seen his face. You would have thought he was the Archangel announcing the Messiah. He's already killing me with all his fussing. Do this, do that… "

She had a look of total dissatisfaction on her face and it made him smile. She truly hated being fussed over. Suddenly, Chakotay stopped his hands on her back and looked at her with concern.

"But he found nothing wrong with you or the baby, did he?"

"That's the thing. I'm in perfect shape, physically, emotionally and psychologically. I've never felt better. He just feels I'm a bit underweight…"

That was enough for Chakotay. "Ok, that's it Kathryn… We rinse, we dry and we put some food in your stomach. Now."

"But Honey, I thought… we… you…" She looked down to see he was still very much aroused. Her eyes moved up again. "I want you Chakotay. I want to feel you inside me; I want to know how it feels for you, how strong this can become. Let me."

"No Kathryn. It's passed mid-morning and you haven't eaten since who knows when… Knowing you, it was probably yesterday morning with my father. Be reasonable. You need to replenish the energy the ritual took out of you. You have to eat for the baby too… and remember we have a long day before us."

She giggled. "I totally forgot, how could I. We're getting married today."

"I didn't… In 5 hours, we'll be married in front of man and Spirits. A complete loop."

She circled his neck with her arms, a smile of wonder on her face "My husband… My husband the Commander, Chakotay my husband, my wonderful husband…"

She was trying the words for herself, amusing herself. He hugged her more tightly against him. He would spend his life making sure she'd never regret marrying him. Closing his eyes he vowed to love her every day. Opening his eyes again, he gently swatted her bottom. "Ok, beautiful, that's enough. Let's get some food into you."

Taking his shaft in her hand. "Talking of into me… "

"Stop this, you won't seduce me. I want to feed you and the baby. It won't take long and we'll have plenty of time afterwards to…"

Admitting defeat, she decided to get to the after breakfast part as fast as possible, she pulled him out of the shower. "Let's go, let's do it. The faster we eat… the faster we…"

He laughed pulling her back. "Let's rinse first my love."

A few minutes later they were back in the living area discussing breakfast.

"Kathryn… what did the Doctor say about coffee"

She looked at him sheepishly: "Euh… nothing?"

"Nice try… sweetheart. Don't let me consult him, he might not be as agreeable as I am..."

"…or as enjoyable…" She laughed before continuing. "The good doctor said no coffee and I told him he was very funny. Then he said one and I asked him if he was joking. He said two again and I said I was the Captain, he said two, I said twelve… then he said two and I said eleven…

"How many Kathryn." Chakotay was almost growling with impatience.

"Two… Happy? He took advantage that I was dazed by the news that I was pregnant." was her indignant reply.

She hated letting him know she had not won her battle with the EMH, who hadn't been afraid of her and held his ground, never giving an inch. She'd win the next one.

Before Chakotay could talk, the chime rang.

"Come in" Chakotay said.

Tom and B'Elanna came in, each holding a plateau.

"We thought we'd check on you after last night, and decided to bring brunch at the same time…"

Tom snorted "…to make up for the interruption." Ogling the commanding team in their bathrobe.

"Come in both of you, we were going to have breakfast anyway." Kathryn replied with a smile. "I hope you brought enough to join us".

Tom laughed, "In fact, we did…"

The four of them sat down for a breakfast of eggs benedict, Kathryn's favourite, coffee, fruits and waffles. Conversation was flowing easily.

"No problems with food yet Kathryn" B'Elanna asked.

"None whatsoever, I feel great." Kathryn replied in a smile.

Chakotay jumped in "You know father told me yesterday about herbs that alleviate nauseas. If you do, I'll make sure to have some for you Kathryn."

"Thank you my love" Kathryn said brushing her hand against his cheek. Tom and B'Elanna share a knowing look. Seeing the two of them expressing their love was strange and yet so right.

"You know, it took some getting used to for the crew." Tom brought up.

"What is that Tom?" Kathryn turned to him.

"Seeing the two of you all mushy and feely" B'Elanna finished for Tom.

"Oh… That…"

"Yes… that" Tom looked at them "We try not to interrupt your off duty time as much as we use to." Tom laughed to himself. "I know Harry won't… he would be too afraid of hearing heavy breathing or anything remotely… intimate. You know Mom and Dad don't have sex type of thing." He was laughing hard.

Kathryn almost spit the gulp of coffee she had just taken. "Tom… stop that. Harry is not…"

"Yes he is, when it comes to you. Face it, Kathryn." B'Elanna said teasingly. "In his eyes you are part Bajoran Emissary, part Vulcan High Priestess. Sacred through and through"

"You're exaggerating B'Elanna." Kathryn countered.

"She's not, my love, but then you are sacred through and through for me too" Chakotay took her hand to his lips in a reverent kiss.

"Aawww." Tears were filling her eyes.

"Chak, mushy and feely again… stop it, we're eating." B'Elanna retorted.

"Sorry B'Elanna." He replied with a childish look on his face.

B'Elana started again. "By the way, I made several copies of your father's program. I've kept one and I'm giving you 4, just as a precaution… I would also suggest we send one to Earth or Dorvan V, to whoever you want, to make sure it's never lost.

Chakotay was touched by her thoughtfulness. B'Elanna had just shown him that she knew how important this was to him. He didn't think any other people from his tribe would ever want one of them. To learn the beliefs and the rituals from a piece of technology would go against these same beliefs, however for himself, Kathryn and their future children, these copies were priceless.

Taking her hand in his Chakotay replied "Thank you B'Elanna… thank you so much."


	14. Chapter 14

**WARNING – RATED M for sexual situation.**

**This is a continuation of the previous chapter. It would have been much too long had I kept it in one. B'Elanna and Tom just finished having breakfast with their Command Team.**

**There's another two chapters to complete this story... three at most. I need your reviews. As a beginning is something precious, something to make the reader wanting more, an end is something even more important as it creates the desire for the reader to pursue the story in his imagination.**

**Reviews please.**

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**Chapter 14**

It was a lovely breakfast, but by the time Tom and B'Elanna left, Chakotay was going crazy with wanting to be alone with his wife. The scene she played for him in the shower was still humming through his body. He also felt the same urges coming from her. Kathryn wanted him inside her. He felt it and he wanted to be inside her, his blood boiling, yearning for her, with wanting to hear her scream his name… The door was not even shot, their hands were already all over each other's body.

Kathryn gasps as Chakotay's hands were trying to undo the knot closing her bathrobe while he was kissing her senseless. Once he freed her lips in favour of kissing her face, Kathryn just opened her mouth and let go. Her body had taken over, she had no mental filter.

"Oh, I love them dearly… Aahh." Chakotay's lips were all over her face and her shoulders, kissing and nipping at the throbbing pulse on her neck. "But… I couldn't wait for them to leave. Yes… I want you husband. Want you now… fast and hard…" He was licking her earlobes, biting them gently… driving her insane. "Aaahhhh. I can't stand the waiting. No teasing… no taking our time…." His hand over the robe, went to her breasts pulling on her nipple just hard enough to make her moan… loudly and repeatedly. "God… I want you inside me, hard and throbbing, want you to split me in two. I want this so much I can almost taste it. No style Chakotay, no finesse, just fuck me. This is too strong for anything else. Fuck me… Please. I'm begging you."

Chakotay's was surprise she was such a verbose lover. She was perfect for him. Her raspy voice, depicted picture that made his head swarmed. While he was still doing his best to undo the stubborn knot on her robe, her hand were all over him not helping. His hands were shaking from her teasing his nipples, caressing his chest, rubbing and squeezing his erection.

_Spirits above, I'm like an adolescent, absolutely no control. Don't think of her. Graviton inverter circuit… Isochronious Asymmetric Compensator… Antigrav Thrusters… No… don't think of thrusters... No thrus…ting… I can't… not so soon._

He swore under his breath while his hands fumbled over the obstinate bond that was keeping his skin from feeling her skin.

"Shit… Damn this knot… Forget it…"

His hands went to the lapels of her robe and pushed them away from her shoulders, down her arms, pushing it to her sides as far as possible, freeing her breast and her belly. She wasn't wearing any underwear and neither was he. Her fingers were more nimble then his as his robe was laying on the floor already. Circling her mid-section with his arms, he pulled her to him, skin against skin. Her legs went around pulling him closer to him, making his hardness feel her warmth and wetness.

"Fuck. I'm not going to last Kathryn. I have no control."

"Aahh, so good, you feel so good." She was rubbing her breasts against his chest, her nipples like had pebbles scratching his skin. "Control is overated my husband. Just give into it and fuck me. Come on, just ram your wonderfully hard shaft inside me."

She did absolutely nothing for his control however she was doing wonders for his erection as it was almost painfully rigid right now. His hand went to her mound feeling her wetness. She was ready for him, wanting him just as much as he wanted her. Lifting her in his arms, he looked around… The urgency of joining with her clouded his mind.

"Hold on to me Kathryn." She was sucking hard on his nipples and that made him groan and lose a step. They were not going to make it to the bedroom.

_Not a chance in hell to make it to the bedroom. Way too far. Light-years away right now._

He went to the closest thing he could find. He sat her on top of the back of the couch. It was perfect height. Still standing, he flipped her robe open again, not bothering with the knot, he ravaged her breasts with his lips and tongue, sucking, nibbling and biting gently.

"Oooohhh… Yesss… don't stop… good, so good." Kathryn's hands went from his neck to the back of his head, pressing him closer. "My love… my love… Oh… Oh…"

She was gasping for air, could not take it anymore and yet wanted more. Her hands went down to his back, forcing him to stand, tucking his head in her neck, rubbing their upper body together.

"Chakotay, I want you, inside me… filling me… please."

"Kathryn… I can't… I can't control myself. I'll be done in a second if I do… Kathryn I have no control… no control." Chakotay didn't seem to be able to gain power over his body, the fiery battle within him was raging.

"I don't care… give yourself to me. Let go… Trust me, just let go."

She knew she was already very close to a shattering orgasm. This was like something she never felt before. She was gone before he even touched her. She felt like part of her passion was from him… his energy. It was as if she had a representation of his erection, the throbbing, the pulsation… She could feel it in her clitoris. She didn't delay on the feeling. She didn't care where it came from as long as it was happening.

Chakotay lifted her, crushing her in his arms and in one swift motion embodied himself inside of her. Her hands on the back of his neck, her back arched gracefully.

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD… I love you… I love you… I love you. CHAKOTAY."

He started retreating, out of his mind with wanting to thrust in her again. The wetness, the tightness, the heat surrounding his penis were playing havoc with his body, making his blood boil. He could feel the wave building inside her, so different from his own pleasure; he forgot everything but her building pleasure.

"I love you husband, I love you… I love you…" It was like a leitmotiv on her lips.

He looked at her face and stopped moving, his shaft on the edge of her opening, almost out. She was gone, lost in the moment. He didn't think she knew what she was saying…

"So beautiful, Kathryn, so beautiful…"

She could not hear him so entranced in the pleasure she felt. Chakotay push forward once more hitting her body with his... didn't move for a few seconds, mesmerized by the look on her face, retreated again and pushed again. Kathryn's body was shaking in his arms as he felt the orgasm hit her. Her need to reach the peak of her pleasure pushed him nearly beyond control and he started thrusting with a force that fused her to him. He could not wait anymore, one more thrust, maybe two…

"Oh… Oh… Chakotay. You feel so good, so damn good. Give it to me, make me yours, I am yours my love. So hard, so hot inside me. Chakotay."

The wave took her away. He felt her tightened around him, so tight he could not retreat. He took her scream with his lips; thrusting his tongue into her mouth, following the rhythm of his cock inside of her. He moved like a possessed man, hard and fast, surprising her body in the middle of her climax, keeping her from falling over the edge, taking her to new peaks of pleasure before succumbing to the same crashing wave. He was no longer in control, half-crazy with needing her… taking her. His knees were buckling under him, his body releasing the energy of their orgasms. The aftershock hitting her body distracted him. He groaned, she cried out as their orgasm continued on and on, keeping on growing more powerful, more overwhelming.

"Kathryn, Kathryn, oh… Spirits… I love you, I want to meld with you, I want to be inside you… all of me. I'm… I…"

With every after shock, her body quaked and she tighten around him prolonging his climax, taking them down slowly from the height of their pleasure, making the aftermath almost orgasmic. He was still crushing her against him, her head cradled in his neck, her lips against his pulse. They were in communion.

After a few minutes, she lifted her head to look at his face. "That was… that was… I can't say what that was; as good as making love to you has been, it's never been like that."

Surprise was all over Chakotay's face. "I was inside of you the whole time. I never thought it could be like that. I've always thought the ritual was just that… a ritual. Never thought… Kathryn, you have no idea yet. The wave builds inside you, so different from my orgasms, the ache… the climbing… the shattering…

She looked at him in bewilderment: "You mean to tell me this gets better".

She felt the rumble of laughter from his chest against her breasts. "I've had more practice at reaching out to the energy… and I was inside you making it easier to feel…" There was no point in trying to explain. "Yes, Kathryn with time and training it will get better".

She couldn't keep the words from escaping her lips. "Talk about incentives"

He laughed hugging her to him, lifting her off the couch and walking to the bedroom still embedded in her.

"You are wonderful, wife. I love you"

"And I love you too, husband…"

He fell with her on the bed, supporting his weight on his arms. He pulled out of her a little and pushed back in, getting hard again.

_I really am like an adolescent. Just had the most powerful orgasm and I'm ready again. _

"Ah…." Kathryn closed her eyes and arched her back against him. "You have to be kidding me… Aren't men supposed to lose stamina as they get older?"

Chakotay smiled at her. "I thought so too." He was pushing inside her again, getting harder with every thrusts. "This is as foreign to me as it is to you." Her body arching over the bed, she encouraged his plunges with the heel of her feet against his butt. "I want you so much Kathryn. I'm going to ravish you right now. I'm going to properly fuck you until you beg me to stop."

"Don't count on it my darling, don't count on it. Whenever we make love, I just want it to never end." Kathryn said looking deep into his eyes.

He was moving in and out of her in long and hard thrusts, picking up speed with each one, pulling out to the hilt, surging back home, grinding circles with his hips. He was lost again, animal instinct flowing in his blood. Nothing else mattered but the feeling of her, her moans and the throatiness of her voice. He grunted impatiently. Picking her in his arm, he stood up at the end of the bed and made her kneel on the bed without coming out of her. She grabbed a pillow and hid her face in it. Her body was shaking all over, as if she was overtaken by repetitive earthquakes. She felt him shake with her.

"Oh… Chakotay… Yes… That's it… I feel you all the way, deep… oh so deep. I love you, I love you, I love you…"

She was meeting him thrusts for thrusts. He could hear his body slapped against hers, the sound incredibly erotic to his ears.

"Yes Chakotay, do it… harder. More"

He did as she asked. Kathryn started to climax, orgasms hitting her body in rapid repetition, each one taking her higher on the plateaux of pleasure."

"Please my love, more… more… Fuck me hard… as hard as you can. Please…"

She was pushing against the bed, grunting as she was riding him.

"Yes… yes… God… So intense… I love you… Chakotay, please."

She was slamming herself against him hard and fast, taking her upper body closer to the bed. Chakotay circled her body, both hands grabbing her breasts, holding on to them to give his lunges momentum, massaging them at the same time. Kathryn was moving around, trying to find the end of the wave, wanting to fall over. She thought she was going to break from too much pleasure. After she lost count of the number of orgasms she had, she felt him explode within her.

Chakotay felt the pumping in his cock going and going. What was happening to him. He kept going incredulous about the length of time it took him to spill himself inside her. He slowed down, each plunge so exquisite, igniting the tightening in his groin. It felt like one long ejaculation going in rhythm with each push. He was blinded by his climax as if his head couldn't process pressure of the sensations.

Kathryn was hardly moving now, just taking what he was giving as if she couldn't do otherwise.

"No, I can't start again… I can't… it's too much, I'm going to die… Can't come anymore… Yes… oh… Fuck…" Kathryn's body was drench in sweat, he felt her slide against him, lower, almost lying on her stomach. Still he kept on pushing himself, he felt her climb higher and he followed her.

Kathryn's body was convulsing now, her mind lost to her body. She was mewling her climax, feeling waves upon waves climbing from her toes to her head and crashing her shattering body, leaving her boneless on the bed. A few more thrusts and Chakotay felt the last his seeds burst out of him. His legs gave way and he fell, crushing her body against the bed.

Their breathing was fast and shallow and it took a while for them to get the control over their body back.

Chakotay was the first to talk. "Holy spirit and all that is sacred. Wow… Wow… WOW."

He heard her voice from under him, still grasping for air : "Wow doesn't even begin…"

He lifted himself a little : "Oh, love, I'm sorry, I'm crushing you to death. It's just that… Wow…" He said once more. "I didn't know… I mean…" He pulled carefully out of her, rolled her on her back, then to his side so her head fit in the cleft of his shoulder. : "Do men have multiple orgasms or ones that last forever."

She smiled at him, a smile of utter satisfaction: "I don't know about men, but this woman does… every time!"

The look on his face was like the spark of a light bulb: "That's it… I had your orgasms. I came the way you do." She heard him roared in laughter: "If I make you feel that way… Spirit… I AM really good."

Kathryn's reply was instantaneous: "That you are… More than good… I'd say you are SPECTACULAR."

* * *

As the Captain's door opened, Tuvok saw a blur of white fabric going back and forth between the bedroom and the living area.

"Oh Tuvok. I'm almost ready. Only 5 more minutes. I can't find my shoes… Did you see my shoes?

B'Elanna was standing in the middle of the room, holding Kathryn's shoes on two fingers.

"Kathryn" B'Elanna thought this was fun. Who was this woman?

"Oh. You found them… Great… Flowers now… flowers… where's my bouquet."

Without turning around, B'Elanna took the bouquet from the table and held it at arm's length.

"Kathryn" B'Elanna was definitely having fun at her Captain's expenses.

Kathryn taking the bouquet looks at her Chief Engineer. "Are you going to pull a rabbit next?"

B'Elanna laughed. "Relax Kathryn, we still have 15 minutes before the ceremony… we'll make it."

"Do you know if Chakotay's ready? I don't want to run into him, it's bad luck to…"

Tuvok interrupted. "Commander Chakotay entered Holodeck 2, 6 minutes ago. Everything is in order Captain." Bending his arm he offered it to her.

"As celebrant of the ceremony, I am to ascertain that the bride's attendance is on the established time and at the pertinent location."

Kathryn stopped in her tracks looking suspiciously at her Chief of Security and Tactical officer.

"My… Tuvok… you're even more formal than usual… If I didn't know better, I would say you are nervous."

Tuvok's eyebrow joined his hairline. "As a Vulcan I am not privy to nervousness, Captain, and do you think it is wise at this moment to speculate on the control I have over my emotions."

"Thank you Tuvok… I needed that." Kathryn said smiling at him. "Let's go now… you have a Captain to marry."

When she entered the holodek, all head turned to her but she only had eyes for her husband… already… soon to be… sort of… who cared.

She saw his eyes tearing and her quivering smile betrayed her own emotions. As she moved forward, she felt him a little more with every step, his joy, his love. She joined him and their hands twined together, she felt the current of energy, their bond, going from him to her, from her to him. It was too amazing for words. She felt his love, so strong.

Tuvok's voice brought her back to the moment.

"Dearly beloved…"

* * *

A few months later, the newlywed couple was quietly relaxing. Kathryn lying on her side, comfortably, resting her head on her husband's lap as they were going through pads and pads of reports. At one point, Kathryn's presence inserts herself in Chakotay's work. He looked down at her. She still took his breath away. She was four and a half month pregnant now and she was more beautiful every day. Happiness suited her. Sensing his thoughts on her, she raised her eyes from her pad and looked into his eyes.

"Work won't progress if you keep staring at me." She told him with a smile.

"What can I say. You are very distracting sweetheart. You are gloriously and strikingly beautiful but also stunningly distracting."

Kathryn replied in a loving smile. "That and you wanting my body every minutes of every day."

"Yeah… that too." He answered with a smile that had nothing apologetic.

"I didn't expect you to be so sexual… I mean at your age… and mine for that matter." She chuckled a little and looked at him questionably. "Should we be like teenagers running on hormones? At least I have an excuse… I'm pregnant. It's perfectly normal to have an unbridled libido during pregnancy. What's your excuse, my love?"

He smiled at her, letting his hand run on her shoulder, down her arms and moving closer to her breasts.

"My excuse is, I have a pregnant wife whose libido is doing overtime. If I didn't know better I'd say you're trying to kill me with sex."

A light blush coloured Kathryn's cheeks.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I've never been like that. I'm sorry Chakotay, I'll try to control myself a little better."

Chakotay's hand took one of her breasts in his hand, his thumb grazing her nipples, which stood at attention at first contact. His voice was playfully harsh when he spoke up.

"You will do no such thing. You are a very demanding woman and I love you for it… amongst other things." Bending his head, he kissed her cheek, still caressing her breasts. She felt the familiar arousal of pleasure as Chakotay kept on talking. "And may I add that you are not solely responsible for the state of your libido. I do my fair share of alerting said libido into action."

She laughed quietly. "You are a very demanding man and I love you for it… amongst…"

Kathryn gasped and jumped into a sitting position. Her hands went to her small belly.

Chakotay's concern was immediate. "What's wrong Kathryn? Is something wrong with the baby?" He put his arm around her shoulder, tucking her against his body.

She lifted her face and he saw an amazed look on her face. She took his hand and rested it against her belly.

"I think… There… Did you feel that? It's like a rippling of some sort." Her tone was hushed with wonderment.

Chakotay's eyes were closed, he was trying to feel it with his hand and with his energy. His face showed his stupefaction as he felt something very faint. Kathryn's eyes were teary, the same as is.

"You felt it… didn't you… it's like a small wave." She said looking at him adoringly.

A kiss was his first answer as he couldn't find the words to describe his emotion. "Yes I felt it. It's like… like… He's alive… real… So far I had no proof, not that I needed one… proof is not the right word. Argh… I hate not finding my words."

She put her hand on his cheek. "I understand honey. You knew the baby was there but it was an intellectual presence not a physical one."

He kissed her lips once more and smiled before agreeing with her in words when he got distracted by a very faint kick.

"Hey… did you feel that? He kicked me. He kicked his dad. Isn't he fantastic?"

Kathryn chuckled loudly, her hand besides his on her belly. "That he is." Stopping in her track, she gave him a puzzled look. "Wait a minute. Why are you referring to the baby as him? Do you know something I don't?"

Chakotay returned her look. "No… it was just natural. For the last week or so, for a reason I can't explain, whenever I think of the baby, it's a boy." He went on "I tried to picture myself with a daughter but lately she turns into a boy."

She looked at him moved by his admittance. He was picturing the baby, imagining what their lives were going to be… giving life to his dreams.

"I love you Chakotay. More and more every day. We are going to have a wonderful life, with wonderful kids… "

He interrupted her: "Who will drive us crazy!"

Her smile fell a little. "How's that?"

"Because they will be our kids. Stubborn like us, pestering us with questions, getting themselves in all sorts of situations, one more crazy than the other… but we will love them even more because of it."

"That we will…" She said finding his lips with hers. "Remember what you said about my libido?"

He looked at her, his lips spread in a gently smile. "I do. What about it?"

She got up from the couch and taking his hand in hers she made him stand up.

"Feeling the baby is a life affirming experience and that's one of the many, many, many things that makes me want you…"

Chakotay hugged her to his body, already humming with desire. "I want you too, as in right now!"

She lifted herself on her toe, her lips a wisp from his and she spoke before leaning further. "As in right this minute?"

His arms came around her shoulders and his head bent a little but not closing the distance between their mouths.

"As in right this second!" He told her before taking her lips in a toe-curling, body-melting kiss.

He swept her in his arms and keeping the kiss live, he move to their bedroom his is precious cargo.


	15. Chapter 15

**I'm once again asking for your reviews. Can't do without them, can't get enough of them. Please… please… PLEASE… If you like, review.**

**(Don't let me beg in vain.) LOL**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

"NO… CHAKOTAY." Kathryn sat in the bed, her heart racing, panic going through her body. She was instantly alert.

"Janeway to the bridge."

"Bridge here."

"Has the commander come back from the away mission?" She knew already he had not. She knew it, her dream told her.

"Not yet Captain."

_Something's wrong. My God, Chakotay._

"Contact them. I'm on my way." She cut the comm, jumped in her uniform and ran down the corridor to the turbolift. She was on the bridge 8 minutes after waking up.

"Report Enseign."

"No answer from the away team Captain."

"Call in the alpha team and set course for their last known position."

"Hi Captain."

* * *

"Kathryn. Sweetheart. Where are you?"

"Kathryn… answer me. Kathryn."

Chakotay woke up, swallowed in darkness and total silence. All he remembered was a malfunction and a crash. He heard a moan coming from in front of him.

"Yosa. Schoolcraft. Hickman."

"Schoolcraft, Sir. Hickman is unconscious."

"Yosa, Sir. I'm ok. About you Sir?"

"Yes, I'm fine. What's our situation?"

"We crashed on a small planet about two light years from our destination. I lost navigation a while before the crash, so I'm not sure exactly where we are." Yosa had been piloting the shuttle. Chakotay knew the man well, as a Maquis and as part of the engineering team.

"Check repairs, life support and supplies. I want to know how long we can last staying here, if we have communication and what will it take to get the engine back online."

Chakotay started moving relieved to feel he only had a few bruises and a splitting headache. He moved his hand to the back of his head, feeling a large lump and wetness… blood. The dizziness he felt told him he must have hit it pretty hard but he wasn't going to stop for a stupid headache.

"Schoolcraft, what's Hickman's condition?"

"Judging from the unnatural bending in his arm, he broke it for sure. He also got a blow to the forehead, he's bleeding and he's not regaining consciousness."

"Ok. Get the medkit and give him something for the pain and try to stabilize his arm. I'm going to check on communication."

Yosa answered from his left. "No need Sir. We have 7 to 8 hours of life support and no communication. Engines are dead and we don't have what it takes to repair them. We have food and water for at least a week… that is if we had air for that long."

"Very funny, Crewman."

"If I'm going Sir, I'm going laughing."

"Didn't take you for a pessimist. A bit of a drama queen aren't you Yosa."

"Yes Sir and happy to be."

"Stop it, that's an order." Chakotay's words were harsher than his tone was. He knew Yosa was just trying to lighten the mood, the way a Maquis would."

"Funny, that's what the Cardassians said to me on my last interrogation. Not formulated that way of course. I laughed then too."

"This is not the time for a trip down memory lane. Check if you can do something with the comm."

_First I've got to try to talk to Kathryn. Good thing I insisted on starting her training with energy perception._ _With the limited knowledge she has, what would she do to contact me. A combined vision would be impossible from this distance… she wouldn't even know how to do it... God it hurts. I can't think straight… so dizzy. _

Schoolcraft interrupted his thought asking him over.

"How is he?" Chakotay asked about Hickman lying on the ground. His arm did have a very unnatural pose as it was bent between the elbow and the shoulder.

"Stable for now Sir, but that blow to the head worries me. There seem to be swelling of the brain. I'm not a medic, so I'm not sure what to do."

"That's ok John. We'll be fine." Chakotay put his hand on the man's shoulder, trying to reassure him. He turned around to talk to Yosa.

"Yosa, get over here a minute."

Schoolcraft interrupted him. "Commander, you're bleeding. The back of your head, Sir. The top back of your uniform is soaked with blood.

"Patch me up I'll be fine. If you could give me something for the dizziness I'd appreciate... and for the headache too… I can't think because of the pain."

Chakotay knew that in 7 to 8 hours, his headache would be the last of his concerns but he needed to focus now. While patching Chakotay up with a bandage, Schoolcraft inconspicuously ran the medical tricorder over his superior officer. He gasped at the reading.

"Sir, you have a concussion and a fracture of the skull.

Yosa had joined them and heard his crewmate's diagnostic.

"Sir this is serious. Maybe you should lie down, but don't go to sleep… you can't with a concussion…

_YES... Sleep. That's it. The dream state. It's one of the first thing I taught Kathryn, she would think of using her dreams to contact me. It is the only way she could._

Chakotay was hesitant to say what he was about to say to the two men standing in front of him, waiting for their orders. "Listen, I can try to explain this to both of you, but it would be a waste of time at this moment, I'll explain later. I'm going to lie down in that corner and go in a dream state. There's a chance I might contact Voyager that way."

Incredulity showed on both men's face. How could he contact Voyager in his sleep, that was preposterous. There was also his physical condition. They felt they couldn't let him endanger himself.

Yosa was the one to talk first. "Sir you cannot go to sleep with a concussion. You might not wake up. You know that. That's basic training stuff.

"I know, I know… but it's a chance I'm willing to take. I know what I'm doing and I'm doing it."

"Yes, Sir." Yosa and Schoolcraft answered together without hesitation. They didn't need an explanation. The Commander thought he could do something to help them... they'd go along."

"Wake me up in thirty minutes. I'll know by then."

Yosa looked puzzled. "Know what Sir."

"I will know if Voyager is on its way."

* * *

It had been two hours since Kathryn woke up. She knew Chakotay was in danger. She heard him call her name and woke up mouthing his name.

_God, let him be ok. I can't lose him. I wasted so much time, don't take him from me. _

She knew what she had to do. During the month since their bonding, Chakotay taught her some rituals and practice them with her. They had concentrated on energy perception… his mostly. Being pregnant gave her a single minded brain and the sex drive to go with it. Some of the exercise they did were at the root of her most incredible, most memorable sexual experiences.

She had come a long way since their wedding day. Dream vision and vision quests she had the most practice doing. When on her own, in vision quests she could feel a faint impression for his energy. In dream state, she could feel and hear him. Did it before and now was the time to do it again.

"Tuvok you have the bridge. I'll be in my ready room. Please come and get me in about half an hour."

"Yes Captain."

"Continue monitoring for the away team."

"Of course Captain." Tuvok was surprise at how confident and calm his Captain was.

She went into her ready room and lowered the lights.

_Ok Kathryn. Remember what he taught you. Relax and go to a waking dream like he showed you. Then I need to go deeper into the dream._

She laid down and went to sleep.

_Chakotay… Chakotay… Chakotay… _Every time she said his name, she would take a deep breath, getting deeper into sleep, sending her energy out with his name. _Chakotay… Chakotay… Chakotay… _His face, his gentle beautiful face appeared in her dream. She concentrated all her energy on him.

"Kathryn. Thank the Spirit. I can't talk long. I've been waiting for you for a while. They are about to wake me up."

"Are you all right my love?"

"Yes Sweetheart. I'm fine. Yosa and Schoolcraft are fine too but Hickman broke his arm and has swelling on the brain."

"Where are you?"

"We are about two light years from where we're supposed to be. We crashed on a small planet. Set a course for our initial objective and come back to me in your dream. I'll try to pinpoint where we are with the others. I'll get any clue I can to your location."

"We are already on our way… we are about one hour from your objective. I love you Chakotay."

"I love you too Kathryn. How did you know to…"

"Chakotay?"

He was gone. She didn't feel him in her dream anymore. She woke herself up and went back to the bridge.

"Report Tuvok."

"We are still on course Captain, but we haven't found any trace yet."

"They crashed on a small planet about two light years from their objective. Chakotay, Yosa and Schoolcraft are fine but Hickman is wounded."

She had never seen disbelief on a Vulcan's face before but she was sure that Tuvok's expression was as close to incredulous as a Vulcan could make it.

"If I may ask, how did you get this information, Captain."

"Now is not the right time to explain. I need to go back to my ready room as soon as we reach our position. I'll give you more instruction from there."

Sitting down in her chair, Kathryn activated the com system.

"Janeway to the Doctor."

"Please state the nature of the emergency." The doctor recited in the usual annoyed tone he was programmed with.

"Ensign Hickman was wounded on an away mission. He has a broken arm and swelling on the brain. Be ready for him. We should have them back in a couple of hours."

She knew right then that there was going to be a lot of explanation to be given. Nobody knew how she got the information and nobody would believe how she got it.

"But Captain, he needs to be treated now." Said the Doctor obviously impatient now.

"We don't have them yet, Doctor." She sigh worried about her missing crew and not wanting to explain her bond with her husband while on the bridge.

"Captain?" The Doctor sounded literally confused.

"We are on our way to retrieve the away team. I just wanted to warn you to the nature of the wounds you'll be treating." She hoped that was enough to appease the Doctor… She needed to be done with the questioning.

"Thank you Captain. I'll be ready."

"Thank you Doctor. Janeway out."

She looked around and everyone on the bridge seemed as focus as they usually were under such circumstances… yet they looked perplexed, giving her glances, like she was about to perform a miracle or some type of masterful magic trick. They weren't questioning if she could do it or not… they were just waiting for her to do it. The extent of the trust and faith they had in her moved her.

Once they got to the coordinates, she removed herself from the bridge and went back to her ready room to sleep.

"Kathryn… Kathryn…"

"I'm here love."

"Ok… from what I gathered you have to look for a red giant, we are the second planet on the left from it. Yosa noticed the red giant before we lost control. When you see it, come back here and I'll tell you what to do. I'm so proud of you love. You're doing so well…"

"How's Hickman."

"He's stable for now but the swelling is increasing. I'm worried about him, love. Please hurry."

"I'm on my way… I'll be there as soon as I can. We'll beam you up directly to sickbay. The Doctor is waiting for him and knows what to expect."

"Good. Go now and get to that red giant."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

* * *

Chakotay woke himself up. "It shouldn't be long. Voyager is at our last known location. I told them to look for the red giant. Kathryn is going to contact me once they get there."

Yosa and Schoolcraft were confounded. How could the Commander communicate with the Captain. The hit on his head must have made him delusional. He looked fine and in possession of all his senses. What he was saying defied logic, laws of nature, physics and a quite a few more laws in a variety of fields.

Chakotay's voice brought them back to him. "When I go back to sleep…"

Schoolcraft intervened. "Commander, the dizziness increases every time you sleep and now you're nauseous. According to these reading, the headache you feel at this moment is debilitating. Don't do it Sir. It's too dangerous. If they find the planet they will find us. They just have to scan for life signs."

"Yes, but it would take much longer and we don't know how long Hickman has."

"But Sir..."

"That's enough crewman, you are not to question my order."

"Understood Sir." He answered. He trusted him and if bling faith was required, then blind faith he would give his commanding officer.

Chakotay's beliefs and visions were common knowledge amongst the crew but they knew nothing of the potential or possibilities, of what he could do. What if he had some hocus pocus in his bag of tricks. They were getting rescued and that's all that mattered.

As planned Chakotay went back to sleep minutes later.

"Kathryn... You there?"

"Yes love. We are moving from the red giant to the second planet"

"Ok, once you are… euh… there… don't go back to the dream, go to the… vision… Go to your animal guide… You have to get to mine... Create a… what's the word… a picture of her… in your mind. Talk… with… her. Tell her… tell you where my energy is. She can… further then you can… your own."

"Chakotay, what's wrong. You're slurring and skipping word. Something is wrong? Tell me."

"Nothing... not to worry."

Kathryn was distraught now. She needed to know what was wrong with him. "You tell me now. That's an order. In this situation, I'm not your wife but your Captain."

"I also… blow to the head. I have a… concussion and… and… can't remember… skull broken… I wake up soon… not safe… for me… here."

"Ok… I'll do as you said. I'll contact your animal guide."

"Think of her… remember she looks… in your vision. You can't from dream… it has to be… vision."

"I understand. Go now my love. You need to wake up. Go. I love you."

"I. Love. You." And he was gone.

Kathryn called Tuvok to her ready room. "Yes Captain. You wanted to see me."

"Thank you Tuvok. I can't explain right now. Time is of the essence. I'm going to go to my quarters. You need to keep the com open with me at all time. I'm going to be giving you instruction you need to follow. You won't be able to talk to me, just do as I say. You have to trust me on that, Tuvok.

"I always trusted you and I will once again. I'll be waiting your instructions, Captain."

"Please inform the Doctor that Chakotay has a concussion. His headache is very painful, he feels nauseous and his speech is slurred."

"I will Captain."

Kathryn ran all the way back to her quarter, got her medicine bundle and putting her hands on the akoonah, she went into the vision state.

"Hello." Her animal guide was coming towards her.

"Welcome Kathryn."

"I have to contact Chakotay's animal guide. Will you help me."

"Have I misguided you that you want another?"

_Of all the time to get a jealous lizard, this is the most inappropriate one._

"Not for me, I need her to feel Chakotay's energy. He's wounded we need to do it fast." Her guide could hear the worry in her voice.

"Very well. I will help you of course. Start by creating her in your mind. It will be easier if you close your eyes."

Kathryn did as instructed. "I have the image."

"Now tell her what you need and ask her if she will help." She felt her guide climb her leg and up her thighs to end his path on her hand.

"She's not answering, she's just smiling." Kathryn's voice was one filled with frustration.

_A smile, what an idiotic answer._

"Open your eyes child, she's here. She will help. She would not have come if she wasn't going to help."

_How do I address her… I'll need to add etiquette lessons for animal guide to the list of things I have to learn._

"Euh… Hello."

"He sent you." The green eyes of the wolf looked anxious.

"Yes he did. He needs you. We need to find him. He's hurt."

"Very well, I will."

"Just like that?"

"Yes just like that. I'm much stronger than you are at feeling his energy."

_Of all the wolves in the spirit world, he had to get the arrogant one._

"He's on the third continent." Kathryn repeated the words the guide had just told her, knowing Tuvok was listening.

"The energy surrounding him is unclouded, great span of water. I feel no man."

"Tuvok look for uninhabited areas around a river or a lake."

"I feel life... trees, food, lots of food."

"A forest with a large wild life."

"I feel rock... no not rocks... caves at the bottom of a climb." There was an air of total concentration on the animal's face."

"Hills, or a mountain, caves."

"He is at the bottom, close to the caves. He cannot venture out. Too dangerous. Bad energy, harmful energy."

"They are close to the caves." Relaying instructions out loud was taxing. Kathryn felt very tired, almost faint.

"Child you need to go back. Talking outside the vision and the baby are taking all your energy." Her animal guide was now standing on her shoulder.

"Once you are back. Just sit and relax, close your eyes and concentrate on him… on his energy. You should be able to feel the direction it comes from and as you move closer it will get stronger. You'll find him, don't worry."

47 minutes later, the away team was beamed directly to sickbay where the Doctor, Tom and the Captain were waiting for them. As they rematerialized, the EMH started treating Hickman while Kathryn went to her husband. She wanted to hug him and kiss him but didn't, afraid she might hurt him.

"Chakotay. I was so scared."

Her hands were moving over his chest and arms, making sure that he wasn't hurt. Lifting her eyes to his face, she noticed he was grinding his teeth from the pain, his eyes were unfocused and he was very pale. His body was shaking and slightly whirling.

Tom rushed over and ran a tricorder. "Commander, I'm surprise you're still standing. Man, this is one hell of a bump. A concussion, a skull fracture, hemorrhaging on the brain… no doubt from taking very good care of yourself."

"Cut. Crap. Tom. Room… spinning. I'm going… lose… lunch."

Making him lay down on a biobed, Tom moved a couple of hypospray to his neck and injected Chakotay.

"Relax now Commander. This is all easily treatable. You are going to sleep for a few hours and by the time you wake up, you'll be as good as new. Say night, night, now."

"Night…" Chakotay was out like a light.


	16. Chapter 16

**Next chapter will be the last. Hope you enjoy this one. If you do, please send a review. They make my day… every day.**

**Thank you so much for the reviews I've received so far.**

* * *

**Chapter 16**

The following days were challenging for Kathryn. Chakotay was recovering well but they were both frustrated. The Doctor had explicitly told them that there was to be no, absolutely no, strenuous activities for at least a week. He had really meant no sex. For the years they had loved from afar, it was hard not to give into the urges, but now that they were free to love each other, now that they were married... and bonded... it was hell.

Chakotay had been released from sickbay the night before. It was morning and Kathryn was lying on her side watching her husband sleep.

_Bummer… he looks so scrumptious this morning. Love making in the morning is the best. He's such a good lover, considerate too. God, I want this. How am I going to last a week without making love to the man I love more then life itself... _

She felt the baby kick . Putting her hand on the small bump, as she often did, she started talking to the baby.

"Good morning, my little possum. You're awake. Slept well? You're just on time. We are going to have a huge breakfast because Mommy is hungry this morning. Then we are going to take a long bath to relax... Yes we are... because Mommy loves a long bath and she loves her possum too. Mommy loves you very much and your Daddy loves you too. You are going to be so loved; you'll never doubt you were wanted. You'll meet your grandma on Earth and your daddy's mom and dad in the vision quest. Your ancestors too. All these people, every single one of them will love you and cherish you. Then there's the crew. They are waiting to spoil you with love and attention."

She felt Chakotay's hand joined hers against her belly.

"And you'll have the best mother in the universe, only the best for my son."

_I really can't believe he loves me… he loves us… as much as he does. _She kissed him tenderly, the sleepy look on his face was so endearing to her.

"Only the best for my little possum." She added looking straight at him.

Chakotay smiled at her, getting her message. "How do you feel. Did you sleep well?"

"Very well. I always sleep better when you're in bed with me Chakotay. You take away the bad dreams." She cupped his face with her hands and kissed him trying to keep the passion from it. She didn't want to start something they could not finish. The Doctor would chew her up if she did. The Doctor… he was killing her with his questions of how she knew Hickman's condition. The thought made her tense a little and he felt it.

"What's wrong… what are you thinking about."

"The crew… it worries me. How am I going to explain about your rescue? How I knew where you were. Everyone is taking… too many witnesses. The team from the away mission has been talking and so has the crew that was on the bridge when I jumped out of the turbolift and told them something was wrong with the away mission. Most of the command team already know something is different between us. They've been collecting clues left and right about our behaviour." She let out a long sigh as if contemplating something very unpleasant.

Chakotay had been waiting for her to address the situation. He knew she needed time to think about it… to come up with a plan. As far as he was concerned, there was nothing to say. This bond they share was private… very intimate… between them only and he wasn't willing to make it public.

He sat up in bed putting his arm around her shoulder. "So what do you think? You know I'll support any decision you make. However, I'm not comfortable telling them about our bond."

"I know. It's what's killing me. I don't want to tell them but how do we explain what happened. Chakotay this is so hard. I love our crew. They are like family… no, not like family, they ARE family. Each and every member of the crew is part of this family… Voyager's family. I don't want to hide from them… even less hide the love I have for you, but I don't want to share what we have, the intimacy of our bond, with everyone."

Her hand was gently rubbing her belly; he could see how torn she was.

"I don't want to display what we have, how much we love one another and how that love gave us the ability to feel each other."

"I know my love." Chakotay's lips grazed her temple. "I don't know what to say so they could understand and yet keep this between us… I mean I can't even understand it myself. I've known about the bond since I was a child. I've heard stories of how the bond could be and I'm telling you they pale in comparison to what we have. I never imagine it could be like this. It has such strength, such force… I don't know have the words to say how it feels… but I know this is very rare."

He took both her hands in his.

"I'm trying to explain that this is unknown territory for me as well as for you. I don't know what to say… how much we should say. Too little the crew will think we're nuts… too much, we lose our sense of privacy, the wonder of what's between us."

"So what are we going to do Chakotay. I just don't know… I have mixed emotions about this and the hormones from my pregnancy are not helping. All I want to do is cry about it."

"It's ok my love. Just let go. You need it. Give yourself permission."

As if she had been waiting for his words, she started sobbing still trying to speak. "I… love… you… so… much… I… don't… deserve… you."

"You deserve so much more. You deserve everything that I am, that I can be. I offer myself to you because without you I would not have a life. After the attack on my world, I buried my heart, my sense of self, even my beliefs and my traditions. I wanted revenge and I became revenge. You gave me back my heart and my soul. You saved me Kathryn, by making me the man I am. I found my peace in you."

Kathryn was crying harder, hiccups shaking her body. He let her cry against him. Her nose was running, tears were falling all over her face, her eyes were red and puffy. She never looked more beautiful to him.

"Please… don't… You love me so much… How can I be this lucky?" Kathryn couldn't stop the tears nurtured by the swelling of her heart. It was bursting with the love she had for her soulmate.

They stayed sitting in bed, wrapped in each other's embrace. After a while, Kathryn sobs slowed down and finally stopped. She gave her husband a shaky smile.

He kissed the tip of her nose. "Feeling better?"

"Yes… I hate to admit it, but I needed a good cry."

"I'm happy you did. I hate to see you miserable and bottling up your feelings."

He kissed her gently, lovingly… with reverence. "Your lips are so soft after you cry. I love you Kathryn."

"I love you too Sweetheart. I feel much better now, but we're no closer to a solution."

He grabbed her shoulders between his hands and plunge his dark eyes into her blue one.

"You know… we don't have to do this on our own. About asking for advice to some wise people… people with life experience and who understand our situation."

She looked at him puzzled. "I don't see how… who…"

He interrupted her with a chaste kiss. "Let's go on a vision to meet with the ancestors. They might have at least the potential of a solution."

She gave him a joyful smile that made his heart flutter.

_God I love this woman. Her smile makes my knees wobble._

"That would be so nice. I haven't talked to your father since our bonding day. I guess it's about time we pay him a visit."

They had joined their medicine bundle, used the same akoona, chanting the words, repeating the gesture Kolopak had taught his son. As in a vision, the imagery was surprising. They were in a big clearing, with tables and food all over, under a summer's sun. The wind in the tree and the bird songs were competing with the quiet sound of the conversations of the people gathered in small groups. It was a beautiful place, designed to make one feel at peace.

Chakotay and her had spent a lovely afternoon and after long discussions had gotten their solution from Chakotay's great-great-great uncle Miamak.

"Just tell them what they want to hear." He had simply said.

Kathryn's features revealed a bit of impatience. "What... that their Captain is good for the loony bin."

He had laughed… hard. "No child. Simply tell them you had a premonitory dream… but don't tell everyone."

Kathryn was just as confused as Chakotay was. He was the one who spoke next. "I don't understand, Uncle."

"Get the biggest blabber mouth, most mischievous member of your crew…"

Chakotay looked at his wife giggling. Together they said in one voice. "Tom."

"Tell Tom you have to tell him something, but don't tell him it's a secret or that you don't want him to repeat any of it… Then admit to having a premonitory dream. Tell him that you don't know how or why it happened, that you don't understand it, just can't explain what happened."

Then the older man pointing a finger at both of them started scolding them.

"And next time, try to be more discreet. Try saying something like: our best guess would be to go to their last position and let's start looking from there. See this would have sound logical to your crew… you didn't have to go, go left, then right then twirl around and here they are."

Chakotay chuckled behind her, finding the scolding of his wife by one of his ancestor quite entertaining.

"And you stupid boy. You could have faked fainting or just say you wanted to sleep. No… you had to go, let me talk to Voyager from inside my head."

It was Katheryn's turn to chuckle. She liked the shy boyish look Chakotay had on his face.

_Very sexy. _She loved the man to distraction.

Once they had a solution to their problem, they had enjoyed the vision. The gathering was joyful and conversations were flowing freely. When Kathryn stated that she would have loved to know Chakotay as a child, the vision changed and showed her husband as a 5, a 7 and a 10 year old. Three memories amongst the thousands and thousands of memories from the line.

She could have spent the whole day visiting the memories of her Chakotay, but the vision were tiring and they had left the vision saying their goodbyes and promising not to wait for another crisis to come back.

So a few days later, Tom and B'Ellana were invited to have breakfast with the command team during which, in conspiratory tones, they were told about the dream the Captain had and her inability to explain it. As expected, the conversation was told and retold and transformed and told again, it had run like wild fire around the ship. No one ever asked her as they knew she couldn't explain the phenomena.

That was the end of the rescue mystery… which remain a mystery.

* * *

Months later, Kathryn was taking a break, sitting as comfortable as she could, considering she was eight months pregnant and had the belly to prove it. She felt great, pregnancy was agreeing with her… no morning sickness, no mood swing, she was having an untroubled, happy pregnancy.

The crew had been wonderful, fussing over her from the moment she started showing, treating her with gentleness without being overbearing. They were taking care of her but could never be caught doing it, as to respect her Captain status.*

She straightened a bit. Chakotay was on his way. He had been right, with training and time, she was getting better. She now felt him all the time if he was close or if he focused his thoughts on her. If he was on the other side of the bridge distracted, she'd feel a faint tickling in the back of her mind…

The door opened on her smiling husband who walked directly to her and kissed her.

"Hey Beautiful. Did you have a good day." Putting his large hands on her belly, he kissed her now very large bump. "And how's my little possum today?"

"He's in fine form. Swimming the back stroke and kicking the pool…" Putting a finger under his chin, she brought his mouth to hers and kissed him softly.

"Hello my love… welcome home."

He looked at her lovingly. "It's good to be home" he answered hugging her. "Did you rest… you didn't work too hard… did you? The doctor…"

She interrupted the words she knew only too well… She had heard them so many times from so many people from the beginning of her pregnancy. Tom, the Doctor, her dear husband, B'Elanna were all pestering her to rest. Even Tuvok had suggested that she could take a break… a few too many times.

"The doctor is treating me as if I had some kind of terminal disease. I'm only pregnant…" coming back to their conversation.

Chakotay kissed her temple, she could feel the smile on his lips. "Very pregnant my love."

Kathryn looked at him "You think I'm fat don't you… I know I look like a…"

Chakotay shut her up with a kiss. "You're not fat Kathryn… you're carrying my child. You're beautiful, more beautiful every day, with every pound you gain."

She rested her head on his chest, her ear against his heart. "You always know what to say… I love you Chakotay."

"I tell it the way I feel it. If I had my way, you'd be pregnant all the time. You glow Kathryn, the crew agrees with me. Pregnancy suits you".

Kathryn laughed. "Does it have anything to do with the fact that my mood has been incredibly good since I became pregnant."

"Hardly my love, your mood has been good since you allowed yourself to love and be loved… unhappiness doesn't light one's mood up. Not my fault you got pregnant around the same time."

"It's partly your fault, honey." She laughed. "We'll see if it lasts after the baby is born." Kathryn hands went around his waist, hugging him to her. "I'm so happy Chakotay, I feel as if I'm going to burst at the seams. I can't even describe how happy I am… I tried… I can't find the words."

"I know, I feel it in you as I feel it in myself. No bounds to our love, to our dreams… no bounds to our happiness. You are my universe, my love." Resting his hand on her belly. "This child is your greatest gift to me and the greatest gift I could give you."

Kathryn pulled away to look at him, her eyes full of tears. Damn pregnancy, she was so emotional. Then she remembered something and addressed her husband with a questioning look.

"Talking about the baby… is there something you want to tell me."

_She knows_ Chakotay thought. "Why… is there something…"

Kathryn's eyes were piercing his. "Last night, during our vision quest, you were distracted by something. You've been talking to him… haven't you."

"What makes you say it's a boy."

"Don't change the subject, I just know… Are you in some kind of contact with him or are you not"

"I've notice a shadow on our last few visions. The only presence that should be present are our guides, so I guess it must be our child's guide. But it's faint. Couldn't make out the animal. It's small, a rabbit or a beaver, something that size. I'm not sure. You and your guide didn't seem to notice… But I have and we don't talk… it's hard to explain…"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kathryn straightened up.

"I didn't want… You're… You were not able to see it… I didn't want to hurt your feelings knowing I could and you couldn't."

She put her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly. "Such a generous man, my love. Did you ever stop to think that I've been in contact with him since he was conceived… the fact that I'm carrying him creates a special bond, like all women have had since the beginning of time… and that it's only fair that you can share some of it through your visions. I don't have to explain how it feels… you know. So tell me everything. How is he? Did you ask him what name he prefers?"

Chakotay hugged her as much as he could, considering the size of her belly. Laughing he said.

"Kathryn, it's not like I just hail him and he answers. We're not having conversations. He doesn't know what a word or a name is yet. I just get impressions. He's warm, very secure. He feels calm when he hears your voice or mine. He knows of our love for each other and our love for him, he makes me feel love. The whole thing is just the energy I feel from inside you, I feel him through you. You haven't trained enough to feel him like I do you… "

"Like the bond I have with him." Kathryn added.

"Nothing can be that strong Kathryn, I'm touching his energy, not giving him life."

"Oh!…"

"So are you ready? Don't forget we have to meet the Doctor at 19h00 in Holodeck 2 for the birthing class."

"Do we have to, I'd prefer to stay home with you and cuddled."

"We can cuddle as much as you want as soon as the class is over."

She nudged him on the side "Spoilsports!"

"I love you too Kathryn"


	17. Chapter 17

**This is the last chapter of this story. Thank you all for the reviews, but more particularly to Snorty 1, RandyTVfan30, Mjherren and Penguinfantoo for their support and reviews. I couldn't have done it without you guys. You were encouraging every step of the way. Thank you so much.**

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**Chapter 17**

Months later, Chakotay, in the middle of a sentence, jumped out of his chair and walked to the turbolift. He was already half way there by the time he said to Tuvok.

"The baby… it's coming. Tuvok, take the Bridge. I'm going to sickbay." Hitting his commbadge. "Medical emergency transport, locate Captain…" The turbo lift door closed and the bridge crew could not hear the rest of his sentence.

Tom and Harry looked at one another trying to explain what had just happened the same way they had tried, without success, to explain all the other occasions when the Command team had been in perfect sync in their actions. A very short moment later the com line activated.

"Sick bay to Bridge"

"Go ahead Doctor"

"Tuvok, where's the Commander. The Captain just transported… she's in labour".

"The Commander is on his way Doctor"

"Never mind he just came in. Sickbay out"

Harry looked at Tom. This was spooky.

Soon after their wedding, they had noticed a few occurrences between the Commander and the Captain during which there was something they could only describe as a telepathic link.

How she would turn around a fraction of a second before the turbolift would open and allow the Commander on the bridge. How he would be halfway to her ready room when she would call him to it. These were not conscious gesture; just a matter of fact attitude they had both developed. He would free her chair and move to his, right before she would come on the bridge without putting a thought to it… it was just natural to them.

When the commander crashed on a planet and the rescue mission had resolved, against all odds, in a matter of a few hours, the rumour had gone rampant through the ship. They were given an inane explanation of a premonitory dream and nobody had really believed it. The other member of the away team and the crew present on the bridge talked how the Captain would retire to her ready room and come back a few minutes later with vital information and what it seems to be a map to their location. It couldn't be a fluke of a dream. Something was up and to the crew, if the command team didn't want to talk about it, they would just go with it. That was the consensus reached by the whole crew.

Their Captain was no ordinary woman and the love between her and the Commander wasn't just a regular garden variety kind of love. They had waited years to be together and nothing, no words from anyone in their family would change that. The crew was truly curious about all this but were so protective of the private life of the couple that nothing was ever mentioned in front of them. They just accepted the behaviour as something coming out of the strength of their love for one another.

But they weren't fooled and a few days after the rumour had gone wild, the crew started making notes how the couple seem to always know where the other one was in a room, even a crowded one. One evening, during the showing of one of Tom's movie, the Commander had been late and came in after the lights were out. Without hesitation, he had gone directly to the Captain… as if he knew exactly where she was.

Another time, the Captain had turned as white as snow and looked like she was about to throw up. She had mumbled words to herself but Harry was close enough to hear her say. "I hate boxing."

Mentioning it to his friends during lunch, B'Elanna had told him that Chakotay had gone 10 rounds that morning and had gone down with a right hook to the jaw.

Every incidence of that type was collected and compared by the crew, it kept them entertained and… envious. Each one of them hoped to find a mate they would share that kind of all-encompassing love with.

Tom had spoken briefly to Harry about the bond. He had not divulged any details but mentioned that they married the day before their weeding, in a ceremony of his faith. He described how beautiful it was and how it was supposed to bring them closer. But he never thought it could be that strong a bond.

_Maybe I should look into this faith and see if I and B'Elanna could…_ The thought distracting to Tom.

"Mr. Paris, it seems that you are 0.00093 off our course, is there a reason for such a change." He heard the Vulcan say, sounding as if they were going in the opposite direction to the Alpha Quadrant.

"My apology Commander… Course corrected Sir." Damn Vulcan exactitude... or was it.

_If I didn't know better he would think Tuvok is nervous. Nah... a nervous Vulcan... impossible._

"Thank you Mr. Paris."

In sickbay, the CMO was getting ready for the new crew member. Chakotay was by Kathryn's side, her hand in his.

"You can squeeze harder, Kathryn, if it makes you feel better." Chakotay was visibly nervous and felt totally helpless.

"Chakotay, it's okay, I'm fine. The pain is not that bad right now" Chakotay turned around to the Doctor.

"Don't look at me" said the Doctor. "I didn't give her any drugs… she on her own painkiller. I don't know. She should at least be grunting by now".

"Would you prefer if I'd scream?" Kathryn's replied

"No, thank you Captain. I only enjoy a higher pitch in your voice when I talk to you about new exercise regiment or the value of a balance diet." The doctor retorted as he was going back and forth around the biobed sighing at the fact that he had to go around Chakotay, who wasn't even aware of the doctor.

Chakotay looked into her eyes. He felt the pain. Returning to the holodeck, to his father's teaching, Chakotay had concentrated on a few rituals that had to do with pregnancy and childbirth. One of them was a technique for childbearing. He could make some of his energy travel the link in her direction. He could give her a bit of his energy to bring their son into the world.

"Chakotay, I kind of feel him. I can feel the baby. "

He looked into her eyes tenderly. "It's expected my love. He's using a lot of energy to be born. He's inside of you… he touches you and you touch him in ways that I will never know or feel. That's your bond."

The Doctor interrupted. "Such a lovely story Commander. But your child seems to want to be born, let's not make him use that energy in vain. Shall we?"

7 hours later an exhausted Captain was getting very tired of her doctor telling her it was going along nicely.

"Doctor, zap him out, hit me unconscious, I can't take it anymore."

"Yes you can, Captain. Everything is going along nicely… You're the one who insisted on natural childbirth."

"Right… as if I knew… Arrrggghhh. Doctor… I can't…"

"It won't be long Captain, it's going along nice…"

"I swear to god, say it one more time and I'll pull the few hairs you have left… one by one… Say it one more time and… and… Oh God…"

The contraction was excruciatingly painful.

"Next time we meet the Borg… Ahhh… I'll tell them assimilation is a kid's play compare to childbearing labour." Kathryn was clenching her teeth, eyes closed, trying to deal with the pain. "Doctor it really hurts… I'm so tired."

Kathryn's hairs were glued to her forehead mixing with her sweat. Chakotay was overwhelmed with seeing her suffer like that. He was exhausted himself trying to give her all the energy he had in him. He felt her pain and yet he knew he felt only an impression of the pain she felt.

"You're so courageous Kathryn. I'm so proud of you. I love you, Kathryn. So very much."

"Oh… Chakotay… I can't… I'm too tired to go on. Let's do this another time, after I've rested." Tears where running down her face. She looked so tired, so fragile to him.

"Kathryn, you've suffered enough, let the Doctor give you something for the pain."'

"No… I don't want to. I want to give birth naturally. I want to experience giving birth to him, I don't want the drug to dull the feeling I get from him."

"Captain… he's coming!" Their attention went back to the Doctor, as it should be in any medical emergency in the Doctor's book.

"Now Captain, if you don't mind with the next contraction, please push as hard as you can."

As the doctor said those words it started hitting her. The contraction was a strong one. Even with Chakotay's help the pain was excrutiatingly strong.

From the end of the biobed, she heard the doctor's voice coming. "Come on Captain, be a good girl and PUSH!"

"I'll give you a good girl! You overbearing… you egomaniac… You'll pay for this, I swear you'll pay. I AM NOT A GIRL. GOOD OR OTHERWISE." Her eyes shut she was pushing her mightiest. The first contraction had not even diminished that a second one was hitting her.

"Push, Captain, PUSH." The Doctor was chanting at her... loudly.

She snapped at him raising her voice to match his. "What do you think I'm doing… dumb ass."

"I'm crushed Captain. Commander get in her face and keep her pushing, at least she won't call YOU an ass."

The contractions were so quick and strong. "Doctor use the transporter, give me drugs, render me unconscious, but do something! THAT'S AN ORDER".

"Sorry Captain. The few minutes the drugs would need to take effect, your son would be born. He's that close."

Chakotay grabbed her hand. "Kathryn, sweetheart, just one more, my love, just one push. You're wonderful Kathryn. One more… for me…"

"You don't play fair… it's… AAAHHHH."

At the end of the biobed, the Doctor's head lifted saying… "Captain… Push, as hard as you can… PUSH… PUSH…. PUSH… Commander come here."

Chakotay moved to the end of the bed, waiting to welcome his son.

The Doctor talked again. "I can see the top of his head Captain."

"Yes I can see him." Chakotay's voice was filled with a feeling of incredibility.

"I see his head Kathryn… full of hair. Kathryn I see him."

He saw the head coming out, then a set of perfect little shoulder. It was a miracle. Tears were falling down the big man's face. The baby was already screaming at the top of his lungs, voicing his discontentment at being pulled from a very warm and comfortable place. Chakotay caught him and placed him on Kathryn breasts, noticing the tears on her face before he cut the cord the Doctor had clamped. Chakotay and Kathryn were lovingly looking at their son.

Kathryn was the first to speak. "He's so perfect. 10 toes, 10 fingers. He has the color of your eyes. Isn't he beautiful."

"The most beautiful baby ever born" was his answer as he looked at his wife, his eyes showing how proud of her he was.

* * *

After parents and child slept for a few hours, Chakotay went back to their quarters to shower and get changed before going back to Sickbay. Coming in, he saw Kathryn nursing their son. It was the most beautiful picture and he knew that image would be part of his line of memories, kept for generations, as the most previous of his life. His wife and his son… he had a family, his line would live on, but most of all, he had all of his love given and returned. It made the gift in his pocket seem like a trinket.

He approached the biobed and received Kathryn's dazzling smile.

"Come my love. Your son has been looking for you." She raised her eyes from the baby's face. "I'm not kidding, each man that have come in the room, he's studied and ignore as it wasn't you. Even the doctor can't comprehend it."

Chakotay smiled with pride and bend over to kiss his son's forehead. The look he received was one of recognition.

"Because he's a genius… and also, meeting in our vision quests, he has a faint feeling of recognition to my energy."

Looking into her eyes, he pulled a box from his pocket. "For you my love, a token of my gratitude for the son you gave me."

"Chakotay, you shouldn't have… you spoil me." She opened the box and gasps.

"Oh… Chakotay" Tears were sparkling in her eyes.

"All shades of blue, all shades of you. I had some pieces of the rock left and I thought I'd made it into a pendant to thank you. But it seems so inappropriate now."

Chakotay leaned over to whisper to his son: "You are the greatest gift I could ever receive and I love you already with all that I am."

Kathryn was moved by her husband's words and the gift she still held in her hand.

"Oh, thank you, love. I'll cherish it for as long as I live, it's beautiful… so, so beautiful, and to think you made it… it's really beautiful."

He went to the top of the biobed and as she lean forward a little, he close the clip on her neck and returned to look at the result. The pendant shone against her creamy skin, sparkling in an array of shades of blue.

"As I said this is to thank you for our son. He's beautiful."

Kathryn's motherly pride rang in her voice. "Of course he is… he looks just like you."

He smiled at her at the same time offering his finger to the baby who firmly grabbed it and kept it.

"We'll have to try for a girl that looks just like you." He said with glittering eyes. "You are more beautiful every day."

Kathryn cupped his cheek with her hand, love shining in her eyes, with a spark of mischievousness.

"And I'll get hearings to go with the pendant… Careful honey, I might get pregnant every year just to add to my collection of jewellery." And with a thoughtful look she asked: "How much of that stone do you have left?"

His laughter rang in sickbay; the comeback line was so much like his wife. She was his life and images of her would pepper the line of his memories until the end of time.

* * *

Days later, they were back to New Earth. The whole family was there. Voyager was in orbit and the crew was assembled on the holodek, on New Earth. Under a tree, on a small hill looking over the river, Chakotay was holding his baby in his arms.

It was a sunny day and the gentle breeze created a soft music from the leaves on the trees. Everyone was smiling. Only Kathryn and Chakotay had been on New Earth, but the crew now felt the importance it had to them because of the effort that was involved in creating such an elaborate program. The place was beautiful and peaceful.

B'Elanna walked up to Chakotay inviting Kathryn to stand by her husband and son. Standing, the fierce Klingon asked them.

"Who are the parents to this child."

Kathryn and Chakotay answered in one voice: "We are."

"What will you bestow on this child."

Chakotay held the baby, a look of adoration in his eyes. He was first to make his pledge.

"Shao Wani, my soul, my heart, my line and my life. I give you my blood, my spirit and my being. I bestow onto you my love and the love of my ancestors. With them, I will raise you with the courage of the warrior, the wisdom of the elders and the knowledge of my tribe. I will pass onto you the strength of my beliefs and the freedom to make them yours. I will walk by your side on the path of life, and allow you to choose the road to follow, trusting in your choices. I will support you and always trust in your love. As the blood we share, I promise to share my heart. I pledge my life to you."

All eyes were on the baby with tears in them. They had wished for years to see their Captain and Commander together… happy. This was the day that made it almost worth it to have been thrown 70 thousands light years from their homeplanet.

Kathryn gently took the baby in her arms, giving him the most beautiful smile they had seen adorned her face.

"Shao Wani, I will nurture you, protect you and raise you, trying to bequeath to you the gift I received from my parents; the sense of honour, of integrity and loyalty. I will teach you the pride of fighting for your beliefs. I will chase away the monsters, comfort you when you're hurt and I will listen and hold your hand without judgment when life makes you doubt yourself. I will devote my energy and my work to taking you, with this crew, to Earth, to meet your grandmother and witness the creation of your bond with her and…" a tear fell from her eyes going down a cheek. She didn't bother to wipe it as it was a tear of joy, one to revere not end. "I so wish to make a home with you and your father." Kathryn stopped again because of the tightness in her throat, after a moment she found her voice again. "The blood in my veins, the beating of my hearts, I pledge them to you."

B'Elanna went to Kathryn to take the baby from her. She was thankful for those much needed few seconds as had to find her own voice. She looked down at the little boy… her godson. He was beautiful and reminded her so much of the man she considered her older brother. Their bond would get stronger for the child she was holding was the best part of her best friend.

"What is this child to be called." B'Elanna asked putting a gentle hand on the baby's forehead.

Chakotay went to B'Elanna to place his hand over hers. "In my tribe he will be known as Kamitak, the greatest leader of our tribe. He lead us away from Earth to live in peace and in the ways of our people."

Kathryn joined them and added her hand to theirs. "In my tribe, as his grand-father before him, he will be known as Edward, in ancient time a tribe leader, a great warrior and a builder of history."

Kathryn and Chakotay pulled away, allowing B'Elanna to lightly dip a feather into one of the bowl set on a small table by her side. With the stained tip she draw a very small representation of Chakotay's marking, on the baby's forehead.

"Spirits, please bless this child to grow strong in spirit and in body. Keep him under your guidance; grant him the love you belay on all your children". May the Spirits protect you along the path of life. I wish you love, family, friends and the line of the memories to make."

B'Elanna lifted the baby for his to be seen by all and addressed the group standing in front of her.

"Today, this new soul joins the line of memories of his ancestors and his tribe. Kamitak Edward Janeway, you are now part of the line, as you are in your parent's spirit a memory they will cherish and add to the line.

Kaina, pitawami pikana mesani waki shaou. The line is sacred, the line is the universe and the line is the gift of memories.

The end…

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**This had been a truly wonderful experience. I was so dissatisfied with how the serie treated Kathryn and Chakotay. I needed to tell this story that was within me. I'm done for now. Writing a chapter a day while keeping a full time job was exhausting.**

**However that being said, I just started writing a few months back and I'm far from done. There are more where this story came from. Just look out and every once in a while you might get something to add to this story of mine.**

**I hope to receive lots of reviews with this last chapter. Tell me where you would like the story to go, what you want to read from what I have written. Tell me if you enjoyed it or not, what you liked, what you didn't like so much. Just tell me something. I just need to know how you feel about this story. I write to create emotion, whether it's a smile, a laugh or a teary eye. It's the fuel that makes my finger drive the key board. So please.**

**I will keep each and every one of your reviews as a part of my personal line of memories.**


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